Comment Swap brought me here. I just wanted to say that I really enjoy your attention to detail. Stories are always better if you can actually picture them. With your story, it was relatively easy to picture. I liked how you can feel the emotions of the character and really get into the story. I could clearly see the party as I was reading. Your author's voice is very clear. Something you might want to think about is the one line dialogues throughout the story. Adding more detail about how the character is portraying themselves as they are talking will really help your story. I can't exactly pinpoint how Carolina is feeling and I'm not sure if that's your point or not. Her parents seem very aloof. You would think the mother would be somewhat caring, maternal instinct is a very powerful emotion. You should add more of a backstory about the parents. What caused them to be the way they are? Was it passed from their parents? Thank you for the opportunity to read your story. I think you should keep going with it. It's so easy to give up if you don't have many commentators or readers, but don't lose faith!
September 19th, 2016 at 12:16am