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I'll be honest, when I first read the description I was little skeptical as to whether I would like this or not. It seemed almost cliche in the way you were wording things, but then I actually started reading the first chapter and began liking it.
I like your writing style, it's simple and to the point. I feel that you have a great balance of dialogue and description. I am not drowning in descriptions when I read your chapters and your dialogue does move the story forward at a nice pace. Keep it up!

All hail comment swap! Ahahaha. So anyways, about your story. I find it quote interesting and descriptive. A few spelling/ grammar errors but besides that, its a pretty good story. I wish you all the best of luck with your story and your writing (:

Comment swap brought me to this stroy and I have to admit, I like it, very interesting. I love how descriptive you are with your characters. There are a few typos and grammar mistakes and you called Gretchen's party 'bridgette's party' in chapter two. But other than that keep up the good work!

Yay! An update! This chapter defiantly got the story going, I can't wait for the next chapter. Update soon!

I thought this story was very descriptive. It is as if the characters have a real foundation that the are being built on. I really like how there are grammatical errors. Sure that it is hard to read but it is like looking into what the writer was thinking you know. I think your doing a good job with this story and keep up the good work!

This has a nice plot to it! I'm intrigued to see what happens! Your story has a few little errors but nothing a little editting can't fix.
I like how the story flows, and has enough description, not too overbearing. But I would like to see a little more description in your dialogue. Instead of just putting "she laughed", try putting something in like "she laughed as she flipped her blonde hair, her eyes dancing." It just adds a little bit to the story so you can get a feel for the characters' personalities and stuff. It'll give it a little more dimension so it's like you're in the story and someone isn't just telling it to you.

I like the way you switch off between Jessie and Carolina's time being questioned by the police officers, and their memories of everything that happened. Your writing is also very good, aside from a few little grammatical things. Remember, when your'e writing "theres" or "boys and girls teams," there should be an apostrophe between the word and the s. Not anything major, I'm just picky about punctuation and such so I thought I'd point it out.

I like the plot here, and I find the story to be very intriguing. I'm interested to see where this goes. Good job! :)

Starting off with your layout I was rather disappointed to see how it looked. A layout to a story is like… clothes to a human being. You can't help but judge them before you actually get to know them simply by what they were. The same goes for your story. I absolutely love it when stories have fantastic layouts; layouts where you can tell the author put great effort in. Yours isn't what I had expected, from both the color scheme to the repeated picture in the title.

The summary wasn't quite as majestic as I would've wanted it to be. It doesn't flow as nicely as I would want it to be. Starting from the second sentence, it is rather way too long and something which you could've separated into two sentences.

Your first chapter actually surprised me. It was written very nicely, and it caught my attention from the start. There were a few grammatical mistakes here and there, like, "about this case by then" and, "pitched I sounded". But either than that, the first chapter was quite intriguing.

The second chapter is more in depth. I really enjoyed your use of detail throughout the story, as well as dialogue. You kept it simple and very easy to follow. The only problem I had was your use of, "…". Sometimes you would stop at two. But that's me just being nitpicky.

The third chapter is much like the second chapter. I actually found your story really appealing. A person mentioned below how your summary doesn't do justice to your story and it really doesn't. The story itself was really quite good. You have a great knack for in-depth narration and I really appreciated that. I found that it flowed easily with the dialogue. I thought it was a really good read by the time I finished the third chapter. The story really is quite interesting. I hope you continue writing more!

I really like your summary, it's written very well, and makes me want to read more. I spotted a couple verb tenses that didn't work, switching from one to the other. I would read over and see about fixing them. And then it seems like you have so much dialogue and then there's moments where there's a lot of description. I would suggest finding a happy medium, but that's just me. I find too much dialogue wordy and too much description boring. Other than that, this seems like a really nice story, and I would like to read more.
Good job. (:

I really enjoyed reading this because your story idea was different and interesting. Your summary drew me in because it talked about how we often have these picture perfect images of what we want our futures to be like, but in reality, those dreams often don't exactly come true.
This story also is fitting to my life at the moment because I have to go to a police station in two days on behalf of a close friend of mine who encountered some problems with a much older male...I'll just leave it at that. So, this story makes me think of that since the authorities are involved and everything. I'm going to read the rest of this and subscribe. Great job!

Oh, this is good! Lol I love it so far because it pulls you in. The characters are likable and perfect. The story is well written to the point where you can almost see everything playing out in your head. God, I love mystery stories like this! :) keep up te great job! I've immediately subscribed, so please update! :)

Ooo, I really like this. I'm glad Comment Swap sent me here, because I am TOTALLY subscribing! :) I love the detail and the back and forth between scenes and characters. I'm in love with the theme and the mystery that's going on. I really like the set up though!

intriguing!!! i expected it to be another typical story when i started reading the desrciption, but you surprised me thankfully!!! Ive found so many possible brilliant stories on here recently and i think this here is one of them- im looking forward to what the stalker storyline has in store , so i will suscribe ;) x

I really love the concept of this story. I think it is interesting to read about a person with a stalker and how they come to terms and deal with it.
I really liked the first chapter! I think it is a really good way to start off the story and definitely makes the reader want to know what's going on.
In the first chapter you said that the officer was wearing a blue plaid shirt. Normally officers all where the same uniform. Was he a detective or a supervisor?

Even though youre only a few chapters in, the story is already coming to life:).
While a bit confusing at times, because of the different interviews, it's well set up and almost reminds me of watching a mystery interogation on a tv show because it snaps from scene to interview so smoothly. It altos t reminds me of a few parts of Sara Shepards "Pretty Little Liars."

I'm really curious to see what happened and what's going on, so I really hope you update soon! I'm sure I'm not the only one waiting for the events to unfold in the upcoming chapters!<3

I agree with the comment below the summary is insightful, but is doesn't really grab your attention. The flow is a little bit awkward at times, but it's nothing a little editing won't fix. The characterization is good and overall this is a pretty enjoyable read, well done.

You're my first "comment swap" story and I'm really glad I got this one, to be honest! The summary does not do justice to the story, in my opinion. It gives good insight to the story and made me want to read it, but it doesn't have a huge "hook".
I really like how you wrote your first chapter! It is short, but it simulates the "back of the book" feeling of a summary.
I see a few teeny tiny errors such as a short run-on sentence and a couple grammatical errors, but I'm not here to critique your every mistake, especially since I really love your story already.
I love these kinds of stories, like investigations/mysteries, that give you a glimpse of the present time/ending of the story and then have flashbacks that tell the story. And you wrote this story really well.
In the second chapter, the part where the man is interviewing the other girl, Jessie, you put her last name as Everheart? this got me confused because she is talking about Jinx Everheart, and you said her last name, in above paragraphs, that her last name is Wineheart, when the man calls her "Ms. Wineheart". ?? and then after that, she doesn't state Jinx's full name? You might need to fix that, or tell me why I'm confused? haha
I like how you outline Jinx's personality! I feel like i know this stubborn guy haha. I like how he said "he doesn't understand the things we go through" and then Carolina talks to Sam and thinks "He was right about that, no one else would get it", like she already knows she's in a bad relationship but she just feels like it is misunderstood. I love the chemistry between Sam and Carolina. OH MY GOD and when they were kissing and the fire alarm went off, and then you just HAD TO cut back to the police investigation haha. damn you're good! This is such a great story, and I'm so sorry for my super super long comment, i just love over analyzing things. I'm newish to mibba, but this is the best story i have read so far :) KEEP IT GOING I am subscribed and ready to readdddddd <3 <3 <3

So as soon as I read the summary I knew this was going to be a well, thought out and planned story. And it is. I liked how you painted the summary, how she wanted her perfect life to go and just be as that. But then suddently it all changed, and I liked that. Now so far I've only read chapter one and I could tell the other two are going to be fantastic as well, I love this, I'm subscribing :) <3

Awesome! You did great mixing the real story in with the memories and it flowed nicely. Excited for the next chapter! Update soon!

1 subscriber. Yeahhhh buddd <3

Looks like its just you and me now,

But at least I have you :D