July 15th, 2011 at 09:31am
Yes the chapter is short but that doesnt matter! You have written with so much description and emotion that I think this is going to be something Brilliant :) I really like the banner as well :)
Very well written and I can't wait to read more... :)
Melxx
I told you I was going to give you something good...
First, the layout is cute. I liked that very much. The banner is okay, I like it, but you said you would change it. It seems like it fits the story, so I don't know why you want to change it. Anyway, it isn't over done like other layouts on this site. It's original, very pretty <3
I love how the words aren't too small. I hate it when stories have really small words. These were perfect for me. Very easy on the eyes.
So beyond the appearence, this was very well written. I did not see any spelling errors. The only errors I saw was,
"Little did the soldier know that she was the one who was going to ruin him.
Once she reached past the borders and into his domain"
^ I think there was suppose to be a space there ^
"'the one'"
^ It would look a little better if you made them like the one. That's just my personally opinion.
"Once she reached past the borders and into his domain, his usefulness had expired. It was time for the girl to move on to a new victim to sink her poisonous claws into."
^That I really love how you described that^
Those were the only two things I saw wrong, well they were wrong at all. Other than that, it was perfect the way it was :) I really enjoyed how you detailed the story and gave the story a little more meaning. It's very original, so I love that. Very good job! I'm going to subscribe to see how this turns out.