Ghosts - Comments

On the contrary, most medical students party harder than any other.
This was an excellent story, by the way.

This was worded so beautifully and delicately, yet it felt a little dirty, grimey. Like the town they lived in was worn down. The emotion you displayed was just heartbreaking. Him apologizing to his sister and actually falling asleep at her grave. It made me cry. And it gave me this feel..as if murders happen all the time (you mentioned they do in that town) and it wasn't a big deal. Just another girl who has died and no one will care next week. Such a strong story. And the layout was so pretty.

Also, when the story had mentioned they were in Scotland, I started reading the dialogue in a Scottish accent. I really love accents.

This story had a lot of emotion to it. It was a very nice read. I like the main character. He seems very complex and that makes him and interesting character to read about. The only thing I didn't like was how slow the story seemed to unfold. But then again, I typically find myself to be an impatient reader. I just didn't like the hint of him having guilt of being responsible for someone's death, but not actually talking about it for quite a while.

However, when it was found out it was his sister, I think that added a lot to the story. It made it a lot more emotional. Though I really feel sorry for the character. He seems like he just tortures himself now for something that was probably an accident.

I also really liked the dialogue. It actually gave a lot to the character. It suddenly made him seem a lot more interesting. Though it may be because that's when I realized he was Scottish and it made me happy.

RACHEL. DEAR LORD. This is by far my favourite piece by you yet, easily. But fuck, it was so sad! Girl, you always write the most depressing things ever! Obviously they're like, beautiful in that incredibly depressing way, BUT CHEER UP. ;D

"It was a cruel irony, he mused, stroking her dark locks, that the people she planned on saving -the people of this run-down city- were the people to bring death knocking at her door so early."

I don't know why, but I think that was one of my favourite parts. Which is saying a lot, because seriously I had a million favourite parts. WHY DO YOU WRITE SO WELL? It's honestly not fair. You use these words that I would never dream of using and they just fit so perfectly with the mood. And the part where he when into the church, just the way you described how his guilt ate at him, just how... broken of a man he was, it made me so sad. "... allowing himself to lapse into a false sense of security." I just really liked that part, even though he was a grown man the pain almost made him revert back into a small child. That's how powerful it was.

I liked how something that seemed so completely detached to him, like a girl he didn't know, had such an incredible impact on him. Brought back all those memories.

I love the dialogue, though. They just talked awesome. Probably because I was imagining their accents and I love accents and so I loved just the way they talked. All "aye" and "mate" and
bloody" I was just like FUCK YEAH ACCENT. I'm sorry. I just have a... yeah, anyways.

The ending was just like UGH. CANNOT COMPUTE. OVERLOAD OF SADNESS. How everyone and himself blames him for the death of his sister. How he just feels so... guilty over everything. Anyways- I fucked loved this. Nuff said.
:D

The layout was beautiful, it caught the mood of the story which is always a plus. I especially like the banner because it gives a spooky yet some sort of soft vibe to it.

And I adore the summary. It actually makes me wonder a bit, aha.

I love how you described the way he screamed out every misgiving, every 'crime' he's done even though he didn't really believe in God and was only there to apologize for the sin he had committed. Just the way you described that moment, I swear, I almost cried. I was a little bit confused when the officers were talking but that's just me, aha.

Overall, I really did enjoy this and I thought it was perfect <3

I'm sorry but how can you say this is far from perfection? If I could bow down to you right now I would because this is perfection for me. My God woman, you've been gone for so long I forgot what real writing is and what talent you have. Just. I can't think I'm so amazed at this story, it keeps a steady wonderful flow that works well with the character's state of mind. All the little details, toughts and mannerisms of his character makes him seem like a real person, hell I imagined him as one of the people I've walked past in my Flat. Honestly, this is heartbreaking and shocked me several times with the realisation that his sister has the same name as the medic student and how he confessed in the church. Oh I'm just sitting here fangirling now because you're so talented. Promise me you'll never go away again for so long, I don't think I could survive another stint where I can't find proper, publishable writing. This, for me, is perfect. So congratulations on your writing, I'd make you a cake but I can't cook very well.

The layout is fantastic! The tone is beautiful, I think I'm in love. Your descriptions are pure magic in a sense with a beautiful flow.

At one point, you used the word 'conscious' when I believe you meant 'conscience'. Other than that, there weren't any noticable mistakes.

I loved the concept of everyone having ghosts in the closet. Purely awesome. Also, I just one to point out that the figure on the right of the banner kind of looks like a preying mantis. :)

This, honestly, is really brilliant. The summary is amazing, yet simple like the rest of the layout. I love the banner picture and the ending paragraph makes me hope you continue this story, no matter if you've written anything or for a while or not.

He could feel his past evils crawling back into his very being. I'm in love with this line.

This was absolutely brilliant. Like there's no other way to put that. It seems that this man is very troubled well I guess I shouldn't say that it seems like it. It's pretty obvious that he is. At first, I got caught up in the reading and didn't notice who the officers were and I was like "wait what?" After rereading it, I fully understand and my god this is amazing. It's funny how a simple act like staying with that girl can bring up so many horrible memories for this man. I don't even really know how describe what I'm feeling right now.

At one point I was straight up crying. The end where he collapse, it's all a familiar feeling for me and you captured it so well. I can't believe just how similar my life is — aside from finding a dead body of course ha.

I feel like this is a lame comment and I feel bad for that but I must say you are a freaking brilliant writer. If this is a "bad" piece from you, I feel extremely lame because I could never measure up to something so amazing. Just ughhh you are the holy grail of writers. (: I hope I spelled that write ha.

(BTW i wrote most of that while reading, so it probably seems a bit odd, with me asking all the questions and being confused and such. haha)

I really like how the story opened, the mystery of what was happening is what really drew me in. The intensity of the situation seems ironic to me, with the man seeming so calm about it all. But then as I continued to read I found a lot of irony in the whole thing; the fact that he was staying with this girl that he didn't even know, and then the fact that he goes into a church while explaining that he really doesn't believe in God.

I'm really curious as to where he lives and what he's done.. This line:
The nameless man was no stranger to the cruelties of the city he called home; they visited him often at night, plaguing his dreams with vicious and unforgettable nightmares; a lingering consequence of seeking absolution after burying his skeletons in a closet he'd long-since forgotten.

it was really intriguing to me, i want to know what skeletons he's got hiding.

I really didn't understand why he just left her there, after being tender enough to stay with her in her last moments.

I'll be honest my mind was completely boggled when he got back to his apartment, and it was discovered that this girl lived in the same building. I was shocked, and a little confused, somehow now suspecting him of what could've happened to her.

All around, I really liked this, it's unique and it kept me asking questions and it kept me reading,

Let me know if you start a story on here, I'll definitely read it (:

I really liked this story. At first, I wasn't sure how it was going to turn out, but as I read further in, I started to understand. I saw few grammar and spelling mistakes, which is a plus :D I liked how you didn't talk too much about the personalities of the characters. You could kinda see their personalities throughout the dialogue and actions that you stated in the story. Like daisy.mizumoto said, I like how you described things in a perfect way so there's room to imagine, but still get the basic idea of what you portrayed the characters as.

I could really imagine the crimson snow and her body. I had a really vivid picture in my mind, and that always helps me in a story because I can also see the emotions and expressions and really know what you're talking about. It seemed like a simple plot, but many words to really stretch it out and prove the meaning. I like the background color of the layout--it's very simple, but it flows well with the story. I don't really like the banner, but I'm sure it's fine(:

You have a nice writing style and I really liked this. Awesome job!

So, while I read this story, I found myself slowly getting into it. I liked the tone, I liked the mysteriousness of all the characters, how you didn't know the girl, how you didn't know why he was there or even who he was.

The description of everything was beautiful, pretty vivid. It gave a haunting image of what you wanted to tell, and I could picture everything perfectly, even I had an imaginative spin on it, but you left room for that, which was good. I dislike stories that cram -so- many details to the point that you can't have a little fun with picturing things.

But then I got very confused.

Throughout the story, the rest of it, after the part of him in the church, I became very confused on who was who. I may be just being stupid, but the person the police officer talked to didn't seem like the character you introduced in the beginning. While their dialogue was natural, and while the description was ingenious, I was -very- confused on what was generally going on. And I still was 'till the end.

I kept reading because I like your tone, but I was very confused. If the piece was edited, I believe, it would be a lot better. It's very rough, but rough in a good way. It has raw potential and it shows you have a lot of talent. But looking it over would do it some good. You wanted it to be a "come back" of sorts, and well, you managed that. It's a striking piece, a haunting one. I liked the way you worded things every so often.

The scene in the church really amused me, how he isn't attached to God, but went there anyway, it was kinda... ironic? to me, you could say? I liked it, a lot. You showed the raw part of a human's personality, in which I liked. But I was confused near the middle and the end -- I may just being stupid, though. But in any case, I really liked the piece, good job with it. And good luck with any other writings, and happy writings. C: