Our Bed. - Comments

Firstly, I apologize for taking such a long time to judge this. Unfortunately, there will be no winner in this contest since I didn't really get many entries, and I just took so long. But for every contestant you will get a free review, plus this one you're about to receive as well as your choice of a story trailer or story banner. :)

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I adore the layout and the color scheme. It all compliments your photo very nicely.

You won’t tell me of anything goes wrong, I Supposed to be 'if' I'm assuming?

I unfortunately don't have much helpful words to give to you. I adored this piece mainly because it reminds me so much of the situation I'm in right now. But aside from that, the detail and the emotion you put into it is so well done. I like that you don't tell us whether the character is male or female, straight or gay. It really allows the reader to put themselves into the main characters shoes. That way, anyone could be in this situation. Great job. :)

I'd like to begin by saying that you're layout is so beautiful in its simplicity. The crisp whites, the blacks that contrast, the font... everything about it is gorgeous.

You use commas in a very stylistic way, one that may be grammatically incorrect, as the two "parts" are technically each their own sentence (i.e. the second and third sentences in the first paragraph). You may want to separate them so that the piece is more correct in terms of language. However, if this was a stylistic choice, feel free to ignore my Grammar Nazi commentary.

I absolutely love the way you portray the emotions of the narrator. The reader can feel the loneliness that he/she is going through, and the amount of emotion you've put into this piece is wonderful.

Silence is meant to be bliss, but it acts as torture to me. Wow. This line. Yes, I have a whole portion of my comment devoted to this line. It stuck with me as I read, and I had to tell you how much I adored it.

You won’t tell me of anything goes wrong. I think you mean if anything goes wrong.

Overall, I thought that this piece was beautifully written and just simply beautiful in its own regard. You capture the narrator's emotions so well and portray them in such a lovely manner in your writing. Your style is really captivating. Excellent, excellent job.

This was lovely. So lovely.

I think that my favorite part of the story was how you told it. The tense and point of view and...well, I'm not really sure how to explain it other than those things. It just flowed so well, and I almost felt as though the narrator was writing a poem of sorts. It just worked so well for me.

The emotions in this were fantastic. You really caught on to everything that's perfect and so sweet about falling asleep next to someone and then waking up beside them the next morning. And oh how sorry I feel for the narrator Poor thing.

Anyways, I really loved this!

First off, I’d like to say that your layout is gorgeous. I love the color scheme, the font you’ve chosen, and the title image. The divider used in your summary is also gorgeous.

I love the emotions in this; they’re very real and palpable. I can feel how lonely the narrator is, how they ache to have their significant other back. You have a very strong grasp of emotion and the power of words to convey certain things, so I have to say good job with that!

I especially love the sentence Silence is meant to be bliss, but it acts as torture to me. There is so much there, in so few words, and I really admire how you’ve managed to put so much feeling into it.

Then, when the narrator wakes up, the pain and loneliness and panic is there. As a reader, I can feel it. And as a fellow insomniac, I can relate to the way s/he can’t sleep, can’t even start to relax without the other person.

Overall I thought it was an extremely well-written piece. There were a few stylistic choices that stuck in my head, but they weren’t incorrect, just something I wouldn’t have done. The biggest example would be the first sentence: Why aren’t you beside me in my bed, our bed? Instead of a comma, I would have used a semicolon. But like I said, that’s just stylistic, not right or wrong.

Like I said, you have a fantastic grasp on emotions and feelings, and you’re exceptional at portraying them in writing. I admire you for that. If I were rating this story, I would give it an 8 out of 10.

Well done!