I'm here as a judge for the Pick a Sentence, Write About It contest.
Stories in letter form are always really fun to read. I thought it was interesting that you chose to write letters to the character's dead twin brother for the prompt "tonight, I start my life". It almost seemed counterintuitive, but I think it also worked nicely and was interesting to read.
There were a few things I wanted to mention, though. When writing a story in this letter format, it's important to find the balance between speaking like you're talking to the person directly, and giving the reader enough information at the same time. There were a few spots where it felt like you were just putting information in for the reader and it just felt like an info dump instead of like the person writing the letters was trying to have a conversation with the one the letters are for.
It also felt like there was quite a bit of random stuff happening throughout both the chapters that sort of just happened because there wasn't really any description around it. We got introduced to a bunch of characters and then it sort of felt like things went from "this is a new person" to "oh and she' pregnant" and then "oh also we're engaged". It might be helpful to find ways to introduce information like that in a way that doesn't feel like you're just plopping it down in front of us. Little creative ways that help break up the information and make it almost like more of a conversation.
There were also quite a bit of spelling and grammar errors throughout the story, so if you ever come back to it, I would suggest going through the story and fixing those up.
Stories in letter form are always really fun to read. I thought it was interesting that you chose to write letters to the character's dead twin brother for the prompt "tonight, I start my life". It almost seemed counterintuitive, but I think it also worked nicely and was interesting to read.
There were a few things I wanted to mention, though. When writing a story in this letter format, it's important to find the balance between speaking like you're talking to the person directly, and giving the reader enough information at the same time. There were a few spots where it felt like you were just putting information in for the reader and it just felt like an info dump instead of like the person writing the letters was trying to have a conversation with the one the letters are for.
It also felt like there was quite a bit of random stuff happening throughout both the chapters that sort of just happened because there wasn't really any description around it. We got introduced to a bunch of characters and then it sort of felt like things went from "this is a new person" to "oh and she' pregnant" and then "oh also we're engaged". It might be helpful to find ways to introduce information like that in a way that doesn't feel like you're just plopping it down in front of us. Little creative ways that help break up the information and make it almost like more of a conversation.
There were also quite a bit of spelling and grammar errors throughout the story, so if you ever come back to it, I would suggest going through the story and fixing those up.
Thanks for entering!