The Poet's Dreams - Comments

i love this idea. writing poems myself, i know that there's always something behind the scenes and i find reading the background stories to your poems (which i really like, storyline wise and your writing style) very interesting.
simple stories with simple happenings, similar to the poems but with more meaning, if that's what you want to read out of it...

i also found it very hard to read because of the light text color, though. might want to change that, it's the only fault i've found

Hi, I just read the story Poison. It was very different, but good. I sat here trying to figure out exactly what was wrong with the girl due to your style of writing. That's not bad. It leaves the reader picturing multiple things that could have caused this.

Your layout is very pretty and has a simple look to it. Only problem, and it may be my computer, the color of the writing is slightly hard to read. Its bright against the white, but it may be my computer. On the whole, this was a very good story and I really enjoyed reading it.

I really quite like this. I do not mind the vagueness at all. It leaves me thinking about multiple different scenarios and answers about the protagonist, Poison. But I really do want to know who she is! Or what she is! She really is quite a lovely character. You portray her as so poisonous but when she speaks, she utters apologies and we see her fragile nature. I love the contrast a lot.

I also like how you phrase things in Poison's point of view. How 'People' have a capital 'P' and 'train car'. It really does draw us into the story more.

And your imagery is amazing. I love it. Your metaphors, how you describe things, how you phrase things. It is lovely. I especially like, "a thick fog of jealousy, and a trembling fist of fear."

And also the short, detached sentences you use to exaggerate its importance like, "No, it was better, best, to stay away. / Remove her plague from their midst."

However, I find that this sentence had way too many clauses. And it doesn't quite fit in with your many minor and short sentences, "On rainy nights, when she could swim without leaving her patch, should it rain long enough, she would worry that her presence in this shallow pool, this puddle blessed with the key to life, was poison."

As for the ending, I actually like how it is. Because it is vague and the reader can ponder about what happened to Poison. You don't tell us the exact ending. However, the first, happy ending, seems interesting. It takes a whole new turn. But I think I would prefer the second, unhappy ending. I think the voidness that is death suits Poison better. And also, I am partial to unhappy endings.

Anyway, this was a lovely piece of work. I truly do love it. Poison is an exceptional character. I really want to find out which ending you choose and, if possible, who/what she is. Great work.

I really liked the story. And I write a lot of things like this too. I didn't really think anyone else did too. I really like how it was vague, also a lot like mine. And I like the way you write a lot too!

Anyways, I vote for the not so happy ending, the second one.

Thank you :D

I think this is very good! A very enjoyable read. I feel for Poison and what world she must live in. How she chants "sorry" is somewhat unnerving. At least in my head it is. :)

I like depressing stuff, but I wouldn't mind it ending happily. It'd be more interesting to see another character touch her life and how it affects her.

This is a great story! Very much loved!

I really enjoyed this! Vague, not at all. It had a cloudy, almost dream like feel to it but it the word vague just doesn't do this work justice.
One-shots inspired from poetry you wrote; this is a new idea for me, and I loved it. I'm almost jelly that I didn't think of it first. =P (Nah, jk, I can't really write poetry. Still an awesome idea though!)

I really loved the flow of this; it really felt like a flow of a person's thought. It was very smooth and peaceful, that I found myself at ease. It's really odd; in the first chapter, it was on the topic of heaven/hell, and death, topics that I would expect to raise at least a little tension in me. But really, I felt relaxed reading this. Your writing is beautiful, I really had to respect with the way you had won me over word for word. It was thoughtful, reflective and just....oh gosh, I don't really have the perfect word to describe it!

This is a good read; I loved this!

The concept for this is really great. I love the idea of taking your poetry and turning it into prose, because they're so closely related and yet people tend to stick to one or the other -- myself included!

The first one struck me, in particular. The speculation on heaven and how one winds up there is something I find myself, as a Christian, discussing with people a whole lot.

Your writing style is very easy to read and I like the vagueness, because it is based on poetry, that seems to fit even more.

Overall, excellent job!

layout is pretty. You have talent.

Hey, so sorry this is so late, I'd already read all of them and chosen the one I was going to comment on, but then I had to go do something, so when I got back I thought I commented on it, but I actually hadn't -_- So I choose The Queen of Insane, because it was my favourite :)

You're a very talented writer, I normally dislike one shots but I loved this. It was amazingly written with good use of grammar, and good spelling. The words flow and I love how you never give the woman a name. Also the prose you are writing in gives a very mystical feeling to the one shot. I loved the inclusion of the questions about heaven, and how throughout the one shot the questions change easily, without becoming disjointed. I thought the ending was perfect, as it left you wondering. The king aspect was interesting as well. Overall, IO thought it was amazing! Well done! ^_^

I read all of them, before deciding to comment on the Queen of Insane. They are fantastically well-written and also they end with a hanging ending with make no sense (not in a bad way, it's a good thing) and I like that the reader really has to think about them because it shows that it is really thought-provoking.

I just love how you started it off with all the questions about heaven and hell, and I gotta say, I've wondered the same thing myself being an unsure Christian and everything. I also like how she is very vague and nondescript and how she just kind of floats around, it kind of gives her a mystical, ethereal, dreamy quality which I like and it matches the title, because she's the queen of insane and everything, aha. It leaves the reader full of questions, such as who is he that she is talking about? Why is he important etc. And I really loved how you ended this, it's chilling and like I said, it leaves the reader wondering. Fab job <33

out of the three i read, i think my favorite was the stroybook girl. i loved the insane queen as well. the fact she is waiting for the king was a fascinating touch. the way she questioned what came after life also fascinated me.

i liked the story book girl quite a bit because, for one i was wondering why she was "the storybook girl". but also because of how she spoke with the boy. it was definately how kids speak to eachother when they are that age. i loved at the end how she was saying she wondered if one day the boy and her would walk into the sunset. it had lovely imagery for sure!

there was no grammatical or spelling errors, which is great! i loved the short stories, and i loved how each ending just left the reader questioning. i can't really give much critique. the writing is very well done, and very enthralling. i'm in awe that you were able to think up all these ideas as well as put them to paper (or word document) as you did. it was fantastic and three very good reads. if you plan on continuing the stories, then i encourage you to do so. keep up the beautiful work~

I read The Queen of Insane
I gotta say, I really like it. Its got this nice, but sort of cynical vibe going on. I like the thought you used, and the descroptions that you used
The layout was pretty and simple.
Plus, I didnt see any errors. So good job. :)

Summary
 
I love the simplicity of this summary, but it still awes me and pulls me into the story because not many stories contain such a note from an author but over-all summary of the story. You just give an intro :)
 
I do suggest a double-spaced separation in between the paragraphs.
 
Chapter One
 
I love the questions in the beginning about Heaven. I have wondered similar things that the character does and it helps when readers can relate to the main character and think about such questions, also.
 
I love the ending of the chapter. It sends chills down my spine and urges me onto the next chapter. Great chapter, by the way :)
 
Chapter Two
 
I love your subtle hints of humor in each chapter, it's good to keep it a bit light-hearted.
 
I would suggest avoiding uses of the word 'you' but I suppose it's kind of inevitible in this chapter.
 
This chapter was well-written as the one before it, and I love the way you write <3
 
You don't fail to give a good ending for a chapter, do you? I love those little cliffies!
 
Chapter Three
 
I love how I can get a clear image from your writing, although, I do wish for some appearance and clothing detail for that helps a lot too.
 
I am going to check out those poems that you leave at the end. I believe that it's very unique that you do that.
 
I shall be keeping a look out for more of this story<3

Honestly, I have nothing to critique. That was just...wow. That is it. Wow. The imagery was incredible. Everything felt so real, like I was there. It made me think and I loved that. It wasn't boring in the slightest. Spelling, grammar...awesome. I love your style of writing. I am very much looking forward to reading more. *subscribes* :D

To start off, the layout is so pretty :O It's very simple but I love the lilac-y purple colors and the rose-looking flowers in the background. I don't know, it's just so... calm and beautiful. Lovely <3 As for the summary, I really like the sound of what you are doing, seeing as you are more poetry-oriented it seems. I like how you're taking the time to write all this out for individual poems you have written. It sounds like a cool idea, especially for those who adore your poems :D

Onto the first chapter:

I have absolutely no critique for this. This was just a marvelous read and I really got into it. It really made me want to go see the poem as well, just from seeing this. There were no mistakes involving spelling or grammar and it wasn't so long that it was boring, or too short. I really really like this, and I am definitely subscribing to see what other little stories you write to go with your poems.

My only thing was the the purple font was a bit difficult to read against the purple background :/ But that could just be my horrendous eyesight.

Great job so far! <3