Shadow of the Swastika - Comments

I'm here thanks to comment swap - I know this is a relatively old story so I'm not sure how useful my comment will be, but I do find it really interesting that you've chosen this subject in particular, I guess the holocaust tends to be a really touchy subject that's really hard to get just right. I read the first chapter and all I'll say is that the writing is a little dark, just a bit harsh on the eyes - and as for your actual writing you could try to include a little more emotion in the text from your characters! But other than that, it's pretty good :)

I came from comment swap and had no idea this was a fan fiction until I read the other comments! Your writing style is really amazing. I really like this so far; this type of content is absolutely fascinating to me. I have to comment, however, on how dark the text is compared to the background. It was fairly difficult for me to read, so it's something you might wanna think about :)

I really, really like the way you write. Descriptive writing is something I've always appreciated and you do it quite well. There were some parts where I felt you went a bit fast, but I do that often as well so it didn't bother me much. Even though you only describe the type of nightmares Kalle has in chapter 4, I still felt the fear. The whole relationship storyline seemed a bit out of place at times, but overall it's a very well-written story.

I'm from comment swap.

This story is really impressive. It's so accurate that it's shocking. You obviously did your research. A lot of hard work and planning probably went into this and it most definitely shows. This is very pleasing to the eye. I saw little-to-no mistakes and I feel that you take your subject very seriously. I first thought this was an original fiction but then I remembered I checked my preference as fan fiction haha. I have honestly never heard of the man of whom you are a fan, but I enjoyed it nonetheless! Anyhow, I feel like you really know your stuff. Well done!

This is the first accurate and well-written Holocaust story that I've seen on this site. I like that you've obviously done your research and are very knowledgeable in the story. As an original fiction, I could see this published if there's not a book like this already. I do have to say that I felt like the relationship thing moved a little too fast for the first couple of chapters. You should also update this soon!

Sorry. U r a good writer. I liked ur other work. I just wanted to hel. I didn't mean to upset u. Sorry

@ Kaaren Nafar
Well excuse me for trying my best at something I've never taken a shot at writing before. Obviously no one is perfect at writing everything, and this may be my weak point, but you have no right to basically bash what I consider one of my favorite pieces of work.

I’m just gonna be honest here. I appreciate that you know what you’re talking about. You know what you’re writing about. But you don’t feel it. I didn’t get a single feeling from this, no fear, no pain, no nothing. I think you aren’t as affected by this thing as you should be. Or maybe, you’re not putting in enough effort in it. You should try harder then. After
This part was not nice at all: Not exactly healthy, but not completely skeletal-like, either. Still, I blame them. I blame them all. Those men that took us. That took me. (You should put more heart and soul into it. I don’t really feel like she blames them. I just don’t get the feel. I feel no pain.)

What’s exactly happening here? You suddenly changed the whole theme! A person who is in so much pain and fear doesn’t notice hot stuff so delicately. Trust me. This paragraph:
He reaches up slowly, taking his ponytail out to run his fingers through his hair. It comes to a little longer than his upper chest, and is a lovely shade of golden blonde. I can also see some light brown tips at the ends and on his roots. He’s starting to shiver. Is he cold? Or scared?
(I’m not trying to offend you. I like to be totally honest, because I feel that it’s my duty to help other writers.)
Errors:
…that happened. The buildings and streets being…(after ‘happened’ you need to put a dash, not a period)
The others were still, not moving an inch as they laid on the ground. (Laid=lay (lie, lay, lain))
And I was there. I saw it all. I witnessed it all. The pain, the anguish, the fear. (put a dash after ‘all’ and before ‘The pain’)
…both at the sights of what was going on in front of me. The desire to simply break away... (a period after ‘me’ and ‘the’ is wrong here, too.)
(I’m not gonna mention the other same mistakes.)

I love the layout. And the title definitely pulled me in. I'm not a huge fan of Holocaust stories to be honest, but I definitely think this was interesting. I liked this a lot.

*Comment Swap*
First off, I think your title is very unique! And the layout plays in perfectly with the theme of the story! I think you have a good first chapter, and your descriptions are great! If anything, make the layout font a little bigger!

I am going to divide my comment into different aspects of the story. Here it goes.

Title
I am normally not a fan of reading WWII stories, mainly because they unnerve me and normally trigger an anxious response from my part, so I wasn’t so sure about reviewing your story, but I decided to anyways give it a try after re-reading a WWII comic book that sort of helped ease the anxiousness.

My second impression of the title, right after clicking on the link, was that of a quite dramatic love story unfolding under WWII, sort of like a love story between a soldier and a prisoner; I don’t know why, but it evoked that in me.

Summary
Your summary, the very last part of it, is very compelling and inviting; I especially enjoyed this part: “where death is more than certain.” I was happy to read on the summary that the story focuses on freedom rather than love, at least from what I got from it. I am not very fond of love stories, so seeing that you will focus on companionship and friendship at such a traumatic time is interesting to me.

I’m not fond of the lyrics on summary, particularly because you already have lyrics on the banner and it kind of takes the attention away from the actual description of what the story is about.

Chapter 1
I will review chapter 1.
Terji’s narration is absolutely stunning; the descriptions, the taste and smell, how it looked like, it makes everything all more real to the reader and I love this about war stories; I admired how despite all he keeps holding on to hope, to the hope that he will escape some day. I find this beautifully written and I like how you do not have to describe how he looks like if it’s not necessary.

Now, onto Kalle’s narration, I’m not fond of the high content of physical descriptions of her. I don’t feel it is necessary to the story, at least not here. I don’t know, but it feels unfair to me that you present Terji as this hopeful and strong character, yet Kalle is presented only by how she looks like. Also, on her narration of how she sees Terji for the first time, I couldn’t help but feel as if she was seeing Terji as a child by the way she treats him; however I think this was the most realistic thing that Kalle could have done because of the look of fear in Terji’s eyes and the empathy that she felt. This is where I actually see more of character development than physical descriptions in Kalle and what I can see is compassion in her.

Layout
The only thing I would change is the color of the text, maybe make it a little more brighter because it was a little hard to read with the black layout and the gray letters. However, I do love your banner.

Overall
I think this story has a great concept and I am liking the characters so far, minus a few details that can be polished.

this is just really amazing. unique, really and just..like wow

Glad to see the update. Still one of my favorite stories of yours to date. Great update.

Sorry this took so long!

I love anything to do with the wars and I'm a major history geek so I'm already excited to read this. Like a few people have mentioned, there isn't much in regards to stuff inspired by the Holocaust on the site, so it's quite refreshing to see that you've used that as your inspiration. The fact that you have it as the people affected by the Holocaust as opposed to the soldiers is, again, another refreshing detail. Small things, but they make the world of difference.

Your description in the first chapter is really powerful. You've used words to your advantage and painted a horrifying yet beautiful picture in the minds of your readers. We also get a lovely glimpse into the lives of Kalle and Terji without knowing too much, which I really like. Too many authors give away too much information in the first chapter, but you've managed to give us the bare minimum, which makes me wonder about them both. You've done a good job of hooking the reader in and I like how you've kick-started everything.

I was just another system slave slowly being led to the grave. - I love this line. It's so simple but so effective. It shows how much hope the victims of the Holocaust had that they would ever survive. Bleak, but completely true. Lovely line.

I really find the way that you describe the food they are forced to eat at the beginning of the second chapter. You've managed to show more of Kalle and Terji's personalities without consciously doing so in how they both react to the food. You've captured the horror of the concentration camps perfectly and it's really evident that you've obviously done your research. I honestly think there is nothing better than a well-written history story and that's what you've got here. I love Kalle's hope though. When everyone else seems to be giving up, she's still hoping that the Allies will come and save her and I find that really admirable, especially in the situation she's in.

Again, I feel more admiration for the characters in the third chapter, especially when they are burying the body. Not many people would have done that for fear of being killed, and I think it's an amazing thing that they are doing. I also love the little bit of romance that has been blossoming and finally comes to the surface at the end of this chapter! I've been waiting on them kissing since the first chapter. And when you have Kalle speak of Terji in the next chapter, you can tell exactly how much he means to her and it's really cute. It's a little breather from the horror and the pain, to see something like that. I love that you've mixed it into the story. I really want to know why they were taken on the march though. And the whole Swastika thing really interests me as well. I think you're taking this on a really interesting twist and I can't wait to see how you write it.

All in all, I really enjoyed this. Well-written, well-planned and obviously well-researched. The only thing I could say is that the layout text is quite difficult to read. Aside from that, I have no complaints. Good job!

Sorry that it took me so long to comment, but I've read through the first chapter. Here are my thoughts:

Okay so I'm a bit of a history nerd so when I started to read this I was slightly worried that you'd portray it terribly, but you didn't so don't worry. I was actually happily surprised when I read through the first chapter, it made me want to read on (Which I will probably do later when I get time!) It's always good to give your first chapter a hook because after all you want people to keep reading right?

I loved how much detail you went into as well, your first chapter is slightly more detailed then everything else though. But it doesn't effect the story too much. I do know one thing for sure though, I want to give both your main characters a big hug. Nobody deserved to go through that.

Courtney :)

This is the first historical fiction I found here on Mibba, so my attention was grabbed right away. This really stands out from anything I ever read. I can't wait until the next chapter.

This was an excellent experience. I enjoyed every minute of it. Your sotry is well written and you are an amazing writter. I will subscribe and recommande it. This story has a good beginning, The story is incredible.It has a lot of intrigue and the plot is quick and interesting.I am eager to read more about your story. Keep up the good work.♥

You are obviously a very gifted writer and I enjoyed, in a heartbreaking way, the first part of your story. I will say that it was a little hard to read with the color of the font, so you might want to update that. But other than that, and excellent part one and I can't wait to read more.

I thought this was wonderful! I love how it's diary-style and that you can see the raw feelings of the main character. I also love how you get the privilege of seeing her perspective on others. I normally don't like war-era stories, but I think I'll keep on this one. I really can’t wait to learn more on her.

the first chapter was sooo good it gripped me in already! I really loved your art work it fitted the theme sooo well! I'll probably subscribe after I finish the second chapter! So good luck on your future comments because it think it was an amazing read! and if you could let me know what you think of my book Vida that would be sweet! :)