The Science of Fucking Up - Comments

I'm here as a judge for the Pick a Sentence, Write About It contest.

Oo, drama! I've read a few of your Kandi/Logan stories now, and I like how you have so many different variations of the same characters. They're not so different that they don't seem like the same characters, but there's enough variation to show that these characters have depth and personalities and they aren't going to be exactly the same in every single story. They always have the same base, but it's nice to see the variation between then. We got to see a bit of a different side of Kandi in this story (at least I did, since I've only read a few of the stories ) and it was nice to see the dynamic between her and Logan when things aren't going amazingly.

The metaphors that you chose for this story were especially lovely. Some of them were sharp and contrasting when the needed to be and some were soft and almost gentle, which reflected different parts of the story well. I like the part where Logan took Kandi and drove back to his house -- the way you wrote it felt desperate and almost anxiety-inducing and which matched how Logan was feeling in the story.

Overall, great job. Thanks for entering!

As always, a great read! Very dramatic while still maintaining your usual ability (talent?) to make even the simplest of story lines intricate and riveting. I especially loved your metaphors in this one. They made me think and eventually smile.

In the closing paragraph, ...best friends that’d both tried so desperately to be, did you mean best friends that they'd both tried so desperately to be? I think that is the first error I've ever found in your work. Which speak unto itself. ;)

The writing in this is pretty much flawless. I love the voice you use, how you portray Logan. It's a nice difference from the smart, always logical and often hilarious guy on the show. I love how he's vulnerable, how he's so unsure of himself because the way you write it makes it so believable. You have a great flow throughout the entire story; grammar is amazing and no spelling errors that I saw. The way you structured it, with the breaks between paragraphs and such, really give it a great added affect in some places. I love your writing, and I'm seriously surprised you don't have more comments! I am definitely going to take some time to look at your other stories soon, and I look forward to doing so. :)

I absolutely love this one-shot. I don't know how there aren't already comments! BTR isn't a fandom I follow, but your writing speaks for itself so it doesn't matter (you also do a good job of writing in a way that someone like me isn't confused, which is always commendable in fanficiton.)
I loved this part: Logan felt as if he was trapped in a life-sized game of Jenga and every move that he made was like removing another block, the same way his breathing would hitch in his throat as his fingers pried that skinny wooden block from the pile, silently praying that it wouldn’t all collapse around him. and how you kept that comparison going throughout.
and this: She told him she read Palahniuk as a means of escape, because by immersing herself in that world of angst-ridden young professionals and mutilated beauty queens, all of her own problems became trivial in comparison. Kandi had hope that in this life, there were survivors, that even in the most thoroughly fucked circumstances, there was always a chance that a phoenix would emerge from the rubble.

Logan Mitchell was no phoenix, just a boy built from flesh and bone, so easily destructible
just gah. :D
Great work.