Enter Infinity - Comments

I really like this story and the way it is written. I love the detail and the story is easy to follow. I have only read up to chapter 4, but I plan on subscribing and readin more.

I believe in ghosts and the paranormal, not so much warlocks but the curse on the prince puts a nice twist to the story. :)

Coincidentally, I have a character named Claude, so that made me giggle, as that they act nothing alike and they are completely different.

Your strong points in this story is that Rain Light is a pretty well developed character, along with the fact that your tone is great for the way you write out details. I liked the details best in chapter one and two, which were my favorite chapters out of this entire story.

Your weak points in story, so far, however, other characters other than Dakota and dialogue. Her mother and Cassandra seem to be written like cardboard characters, just there because they have to be and ignored for their depth and possibility that they are people too. Her mother's speech is kind of awkward, as well.

The plot is perfectly fine for the story, I enjoyed it, as I believe in ghosts. And I am so interested in the paranormal, I just wish there was more proof, so I like reading paranormal stories like this. And the whole prince thing is a good twist to it, in my opinion. You need to work on other characters, though, remember that they are people, too, and things don't need to be told up front all the time.

Things can be found later in the story -- you're doing that with her father's character and her family's back story, but you can do that with other things, too, not just a direct plot. Indirect characterization is amazing, I tell you. You should try doing it. So good luck and happy writings. Good story, great potential, and it's going great. (:

Oh wow, I really love this story so far! I just love the characters, especially Dakota. I'm really excited for the rest of it, you are a great writer. Please update soon!

it's a great story. just by reading the summary, any reader can tell that it'll be a great story. i was under the impression that Rain is an optimist, am i right? she seems to view everyone (so far from what i have read) as a beautiful person, which is an excellent quality.

there are a few things that i did want to point out. sometimes, you will start the same sentence with the same word. in chapter 2 for example:

"I walked up to the great tree and placed my hand on it. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I felt at peace. As I moved my hand around the rough texture of the tree; it almost felt like it was breathing through me."

you used "I" in three of the sentences out of the four in the paragraph. it kinda gets repetitive. you do also repeat certain nouns or verbs over within a span of a paragraph as well. such as the use of "walk, and walking." i don't know if you should consider me just nitpicking now, but keep in mind it is only advice. if you want to fix the story, do it as you see fit.

there are a few typos that i would lastly like to point out. in chapter 5, Helios Wolfe asks, "Do you no who your talking to, girl?"
easy mistake. "Do you know who you're talking to, girl?"

sorry, another nitpick. hopefully i was helpful. i have enjoyed the two dream sequences so far though. they seem to give quite a bit of insight! please continue the story, it is fascinating, really! i mean, to have Dakota being a ghost is a real twist in theplot.

From what I read it is really good! It's a very creative story which is saying something considering all of the stories out there! You do a great job writing like an 18 year old thinks. I can actually believe that she is thinking all of this as she goes through the story. there are a few improvements that can be made.

watch the repition. "I rinsed my hair with the water and streaked conditioner through my long, thick brown hair." The use of hair is a little repetitive here in chapter 2. You can rearrange the sentance so that it sounds a little better. for example: "I rinsed my long, thick, brown with the water and streaked conditioner through it."

Try not to cram as much action into some sentances. There are some places that I saw a little too much description for one sentance.

Everything started with a nightmare. I'm always in the same place, looking for something. I noticed that sometimes she thinks in past tense and sometimes she thinks in present. I'm sure I do that too, but it interupts the story's flow.

This story is really good and really exciting. I especialy like the dream in the begining. I'm not done with it yet and will definatly subscribe! I wanna know what happens! keep writing!

*subscribes*
I really enjoy the way you write. It's so simple, but has the power to completely draw a reader in. At least, for me it did. The plot is extremely interesting. It could have more flow. Your characters are well developed, especially Rain. I loved how you described everything, setting, emotions, actions. I can't wait to read more. My mind is cranking out predictions for the rest of the story.
Great job! Keep it up :D

So far, this story is well-written. I wish there was. More flow and setting description, but your emotion description as well as action is very well-written. I love the main Cheshire and the dilemma she is in. Of course, I don't mean it's a good thing she gets bad dreams all the time, what I mean is that your plot is unique and I can't wait to read more of it :)

Damn. I fell in love with this story once I read the summarry. I'm on chapter 2 or 3 but I'll be sure to subscribe. Continue the story and I'm suree you'll be more popular! There are a few mistakes here and there but its all good. Good luck!

I really like the summery. It is a good hook to bring a reader to read the story. Well, that's what it did for me.

The nightmare was rather creepy, but I guess that's what nightmares are. I really like the questions she asked at the end of the first three paragraphs. While she was scared, she was a little curious as to know what was really happening and who was with her in the dream.

Oh my gosh. Dakota's story is so... sad I guess. He seems like such a nice person but his father didn't think so. His father is mean. I just wonder how he is living on. Does his ghost live in another person or did a Warlock put a spell on him to make him live forever?

This is a really exciting and chilling story. I was literally on the edge of my seat while I was reading all of the chapters. However, some things are a little rushed like Dakota and Rain's relationship, and her meeting with her brother. I would expect it to be more heartfelt since she had just found out about him and is seeing him for the first time in her life. And Dakota and Rain's relationship seems a little rushed to me because they made out after knowing each other after a few days. I guess that is a little rushed to me, but maybe not to other people.

Anyway, I think this is a wonderful story. You really know how to keep me interested with the many twists of this story. The plot is so interesting and, with your writing style, you have made this story unique. Good job and good luck with this story!

I really love this story it's elegant and unique and your a very good writer.

Wow, the prologue is very interesting, and the summary caught my attention, please keep writing, it's very good :) I would love to read more