Welcome to Enlightenment - Comments

Hot diggity dawg, I am digging this. I found this through comment swap and I recognize you as the author of Fat Girl and I admire you and your writing so much; you have such a smart and witty style, and this story is packed full of wonderful dark humor. The first chapter made me think of those psuedo-feel-good quotes that floated around Tumblr all the time a few years ago and I definitely feel where Charlie is coming from when it comes to that. I realize that you haven’t updated in a while but I’m still gonna subscribe to this regardless because it’s just plain awesome. You’ve made Charlie such an interesting narrator, and everything is so charismatic and beautifully characterized. Awesome job! :D

yeah, so you should update this like yesterday.

i cant tell you how many times ive come back to read this but jesus christ gabby you are a fucking geNIUS

i read this seemingly forever ago and i was amazed for like a week but then i forgot about it but then i recently remembered it so i re-read it and i love it as much as i remember and i am so beyond jealous of your writing style and imagination and just ugh you don't even know man.
SO UM BASICALLY i liked this quite a bit, y'know.

i fucking love what Charlie has to say. there are so many smart things he says. it all makes sense to me anyway. i really do hope you continue with this!

This story is brilliant. I don't even know what else I can say about it. It's so amazing and I'm in love with Charlie's character.

The layout was amazing. Simple to fit in with the style of the story. Your writing style is awesome, your metaphors were fantastic and everything about it was amazing.

I loved how Charlie is so unlike any other character that I've read about. It's like he's so unique that he's just ordinary. I love it.

I feel crappy because I can't leave a better comment but I'll end it with YOU'RE AMAZING and go with that.

Gabby , you are a genius. Pure, utter, undeniable genius. I absolutely love this.

Wow, this is fucking awesome. Pardon my French.

Seriously though. Your metaphors are unbelievable. Especially the longer extended ones. And your characterization of Charlie is flawless as well. O reallt can find no flaw with this, which is probably kind of ironic on some level given the content of this story.

Damn. I'm going to contemplate my mortality now. Jeesh.

I love the layout and how simple it is and the summary is so well worded I was just like, woah. It seems so intense and amazing and just reads so well.

I'm pretty sure I've read this already, actually just checked the comments and I definetly have already but the comment swap came up with it and I'm quite pleased because I'd forgotten about this fic and it's really damn good. So I'm subscribing, because your description seriously astounds me with it's wording and I really enjoy reading it.

Oh my, why didn't I stumble upon this story sooner? This story is absolute perfection, in my eyes anyway. It has everything I like in things I read. It has an interesting plotline, good descriptions, and best of all humor. I particularlly like the first line in chapter two "You know you're beyond help when not even google can help you". Charlie amuses and astounds me at the same time. His inability to die is quite a shock when you see that he literally cannot die no matter what he does. I look forward to finding out what it is that keeps him alive and have subscribed.

Hello. I'm sorry this is late, but I'm here to give you a full-review. You asked to have one when I did the gift journal so here I am. Now I'm only going to do the first chapter so I hope that's okay. :) If not, I'm sorry. <3

I really like the title. It's bring me in, but at the same time it's simple. I can tell by the summary that the title fits the story. :) The picture you used and layout go well together. I like the simple-ness of the layout. It's very clean and cut.

The summary was different to what I see, but I somewhat liked it. You did well on that.

When I read the first chapter, I enjoyed it a lot. Usually when I read first-person, a lot of people never use descriptions and it makes me really sad. But this story was one of the best first-person stories I have ever read. You had a lot of details into it and you barely had any dialogue. I really enjoyed this part His skin is stained with my blood and my blood is stained with failure, pumping and racing through the veins that tell of my demise. Lips curled back into a scowl, his fist connects with my nose that gives off a sickening crack in response. My insides gush out through my nostrils and corrupt the light blue sweater Nana gave me for Christmas the year before. which is the third paragraph. I just loved the words you used and "tell of my demise."

I don't know why, but even though this was a volient story I found myself laughing at times. “Your sister,” I gasp, “you should’ve heard her begging for my cock.” that made me laugh for many reasons. I don't know why, but I thought it was funny you used the word "cock" and you had him tell that to the poor kid. xD

Like I said in the beginning, I enjoyed this. I loved the swearing (I don't know why I laughed everytime I say a swear word, but I did) and everything in it.

I'll definitely comment the second chapter (and the others) when I can. So that means, I'm subbing. :)

I love this story haha(: Your description is amazing and I love the witty comments in between(: Nolan is a dickhead... :P

Unf I'm so glad you offered the comment swap.
Your writing is so pleasant to read. It's just awesome.

C1:
I liked this. A lot. But I mean, there are some parts that are over-the-top,
you know? Just sort of too wordish. Sometimes you don't have to go
so far with words. Sometimes a little is a lot. But I liked this:

Getting torn to pieces by my saviour in an alleyway has become my Tuesday night. To believe in angels though, you have to believe in God, and I can’t really believe in anything other than the blood bursting from my busted lip and Nolan. I believe in Nolan, his fists pounding into my ribs, I believe in that too.

It speaks to me. I think it's absolutely lovely.
The combination of words makes it sound like Catcher in the Rye
or something of the sort. It's one of those coming-of-age tales, or at least it seems so.
This kid seems like my kind of person. I like his personality.
I think the things he's saying are right sometimes, but then wrong other times.
It depends on the situation and everything, really. It's nice though. I like that.
It's funny, this story seems almost ironic, you know? 'Philosophy is bullshit',
and he's going on with his own sort of philosophy. I don't know.
This could be a book. I think it's got that sort of style. You're a good writer.
I think you could be published now, but I know for sure that in a few years,
god you could be filthy rich from publishing the shit out of your writing.
I feel quite compelled to this character. We seem to feel the same way about things.
Especially about pain and death. More than anything in the world, you know what I want?
To be punched in the face. To have someone make me bleed. Profusely.
People think it's strange but it's actually very beautiful. People make fun of it,
but I guess it's just above their level of understanding. Some people just can't understand,
no matter what. I feel condescending in saying that, but it's true.
I like this. People are strange. It's alright though.

(I can't read the second chapter because I have to go to sleep and klsajflk words words I'm lame)

for the comment swap:

“You regretting it out, fuckhead?”
I think you meant now, right? Or maybe I'm just reading it wrong.

But really, his hair, it’s just the purest thing. It’s the sort of pure that if out in the animal kingdom, he’d be shot and hung as a trophy within a week. Tacked on the wall with an empty expression and complimented on by beefy guys with bandanas.
I really like this comparison! c:Especially since most of this chapter is talking about the color and purity of his hair.

I really really liked this story. I'm not 100% sure why this kid can't die, but I want to know. You have a way with words that has me cracking up and is serious all in the same tone. Overall, this was great. I'll be subbing!

Okay so the first thing I thought when I went to look for your story was "HOLY SHIT THIS HAS A LOT OF READERS AND SUBS FOR ONE CHAPTER". I can see why, though. I already liked this story from the short description. The layout, though simple, is gorgeous. I think it really suits this story.

I love the summary. The way it's written is very clever. I like how you included the three important things, as it's a great and interesting start to the character. I'm not one of them. I just get punched in the face. A lot. Love that line. Humorous and a nice way to end the summary.

Maybe he’s an albino. I didn’t think it was the right time to ask if I could see his pubes, though.
Love. That is all there is to say... xD

This amazing perspective on life has opened their eyes, the world is clear, the world is their’s. Their's should be theirs.

Ah, I really really enjoyed this. The idea is unique and I think your descriptions and characterizations are absolutely perfect. It's so realistic. Well, if you don't include the part about not being able to die, of course. I love how there was no anger while he was being beat up, because he wanted it. The dry humor is something I particularly like, too.

I'm going to subscribe to this, amazing job.

Where do I start with this? First off, your writing sounds bit like Chuck Palahniuk's (which is a total compliment) but with your own flavor. I've always loved your humor :D

The summary was great, at first I thought he couldn't die because he was immortal or something, but after reading through this, he's a dissillusioned teen who just wants to end it, but no one has the guts to kill him. I really love the narration of this. I love how masochistic he is, and the dry wit.

I love how it jumps around a bit- from philosophy to the current situation. Honestly, I already love this little effer. He's crazy, I would never want to be beaten into a bloody pulp. That would not be the way I want to leave this world.

We’re all a little fucked up in the head, I guess. Some of us just hide it better than others. - This is my favorite line in the first chapter. Aah it just screams BIG QUOTE IN THE BACK OF THE BOOK!

Only one small typo:

"...the world is clear, the world is there’s. - "there's" should be "their's".

But other than that, this was a great job. It's strange and fascinating and definitely original. I like the intensity of this as well. It's violent, but his philosphy is also very intense. I think I'm already subscribed to this, but I'm going to double check :D

I love the layout, it totally suits the story - simplistic, yet beautiful, with a slight grimey-feel when it comes to the colour scheme, like there's something quite sinister going on.

I love how frank your writing is! You've suited it so well to the tone, the way it's written, like your abrupt descriptions of thoughts mixed with what's actually occuring at that moment. It;s so tense due to the alternating between what's happening in his mind and to his body - I was on the edge of my seat!

Reading it, you feel bare, like you're stripped of everything you've ever known and felt - it makes you feel like a blank canvas, the whole philosophy thing. I adore how we can really identify with this character, empathising with him and feeling like we really know him, yet at the same time know nothing about him.

"And suddenly they’re shoving these words down your throat and saying that this is the meaning of life, this is what it’s like to be enlightened." - This was my favourite part, as it emphasizes the character's bitterness, yet there's a sharp truth in it that just won't leave you alone. Oh, and it's beautifully written :)

I truly loved this, darling, you're a wonderful writer.

I loved the simplistic layout, it fits so well with the story because it's so straight and to-the-point and true, it just fits really well. The summary was really interesting as well, and really drew me in. I knew straight away that I'd like it, and I was right.

The first few lines were so brilliantly written. The way he describes Nolan it's as if they're friends or very close, and then the total contrast of Nolan beating him up and there's no anger from the narrator's point of view. It was so different, but it worked perfectly and was really captivating. I also loved how it flicked between talking about the philosophy and how it really works and all this enlightenment stuff, and then back to the fight and then back again. It flowed, but in a really unique way and the narrative was unlike most stories on here. You've definitely created a brilliant character with a really brilliant storyline as well.

I liked the minimalistic dialogue as well, though the only part I didn't like was “You fucking regretting it now?” ~~ for some reason, this didn't flow right to me and didn't sound right in my head, but it could just be the way I'm reading it, that's just my opinion. Apart from that, the dialogue was really good.

The ending was brilliant as well, really clever and brilliantly written, it was really enjoying to read and I'm interested to see where you're going to go with this.

This is just so great! I don't have the time to give you a long, thoughtful comment, but I have the time to tell you that I really liked it. This is the kind of story that makes me think "yes! fucking yes, this person knows how to do it!"
One thing I noticed though, and correct me if I'm wrong, but in the part with the "sadistic grin", shouldn't it be "masochistic grin"? Or did I misunderstand the content.

That summary instantly ripped my eyes to what you're saying. Jesus, I love the narrator already. It's raw & angsty & ugh! It really makes me want to savor this. & due to your candy choice, I would anyway. However, I figure you'd like to know about if I'd read this regardless of the silent promise I made by creating that journal. Well, unless you're like the narrator & don't care. Either way, there you go.

This guy's almost like Holden Caulfield, minus how annoying Holden is. I'm loving the first chapter so far, with the quotes & such. I gag a little bit every time I see any of them.

Yeah, we all want what we can't have & don't want what we do have. I was watching something last night about how the fact that we have so many choices has a lot to do with this & that it keeps us from being happy.

Hm, the whole end is pretty great. I mean, yeah, knowledge can really depress you. No matter what, you always lose. I feel enlightened.

The only thing I'd change is that there shouldn't be a space between can & not. Other than that, this is perfect. I love it.

Great job!