Welcome to Enlightenment - Comments

I. Love. This.

Seriously, this is freaking awesome. The concept, and the way you write it (I love the narrative tone so much), and the gorgeous layout with the perfect banne picture...this is genius. And I feel bad, because I feel like I should have a lot more to say about it, but it's just so awesome that I'm kinda just staring at the screen in shock.

My only con/crit would be that there are a few small errors scattered here and there, mainly in the...third and fourth paragraphs, I believe, that interrupt your otherwise lovely flow. I'd suggest getting a beta to look over it quickly for you (or just proofreading it again yourself).

All in all, though, this was excellent and I'm definitely subbing.

Ha, the whole time I was reading this I was thinking of Chuck Palahniuk. I think everyone writes something like this after they've read Fight Club, tbh. XD

I like the concept here. It's interesting, cause it's really intriguing, but you look back on it and you don't know what the hell the story's actually about. But that doesn't really matter, I guess, prologues are always weird.

Anyways, I noticed a couple things that might be improved. I don't know whether this is intentional or not, but the second person definitely grows more and more pronounced throughout the chapter. I got halfway through and suddenly it's like BAM SECOND PERSON, and it's great, I love second person, but I think you should incorporate more of it from the beginning. It's kind of like, where'd that come from, you know?
And the second thing isn't really a correction, it's just something I really wish you'd added with the whole "live like today is your last" thing. I so wanted there to be a line that was like, "So what happens when you wake up the next day, alive? Do you do it all over again?" And I think that'd be a nice transition into the whole dying as a trend thing. But that's just me.

Also, I laughed out loud at the knitting groups and second cousins. I like this, keep it up. (:

The layout is beautiful. I love it. It's very simple and classy. And the last line of the summary? I just died. It was hilarious.

You are really talented. I can tell by the second paragraph. You have such a beautiful way with words, dear.

You're totally right - word does get out by knitting groups...
You're witty and sarcastic. It's charming. The way you write has so much character, it's insane.

There isn't much I can say about this. No errors at all. It's perfect.

This is pretty freaking amazing.

First thing, the summary and layout completely drew me in. I am used to reading a summary, and just sort of not caring about getting to the story. But when I read that, it was kind of like, "Fuck, this is awesome."

I love the narrator.I have a thing for negative characters with bad attitudes, just because they make everything so much better. I loved the way you used the tattoo and mug example, because it just made the story and character seem so much more real.

Ah, I dont know what else to say. Suscribed because its amazing.

I HATE YOU, GABBY? OKAY?

You're a fucking amazing writer and I am incredibly jealous!
Aha, I think I have to read The Fight Club now. xD

First of all, I love the layout. <33 :D and the banner! Aha, can't forget that!

The summary just drew me in so much, I love it! It's short and simple and hilarious. You can tell that this is going to be an amazing story.

The narrator is absolutely amazing. <33 I've always loved characters like that, sarcastic and pessimistic. <3

Your descriptions were just wonderful and again, fucking hilarious. xD

I'm obviously subbing and you better update soon guuurl. (;

The summary definitely pulled me in, and I love the layout.

i really like the story, i like the bit of mystery that you don't know what the narrator is talking about. i like the narrator as well, he's like a hipster but at the same time he's not, and he's just a lot of oxymorons. i love your descriptions as well.

this is just so good, i'm definitely subscribing.

ALRIGHT, THAT SUMMARY TOTALLY PULLLED ME IN I'M CRYING LAUGHING A LITTLE BIT

and then the last line, oh my god. i'm crying laughing more.

your narrator is hilarious, just that voice. they're sarcastic and exasperated and pretty much just sounding like a badass. and they're totally ragging on hipsters, that's so for the win. but he talks like.. he's an anti-hipster, i like.

i want you to be a published author, i okay. you humor the crap out of me with this voice and i honestly cannot find a single thing that i can criticize because it's that hilarious and well done. your humor comes naturally, and i love how you've just got this brilliantly nasty tone. it reads like fight club did, but it's not the same or anything. just vaguely similar with how the point of view is so sarcastic.

AHH IT WAS WITH FIGHT CLUB YAAAAY

this makes no sense and lots of sense and makes me think and i am just. i understand it subconsciously but i can't put it into words. you are brilliant.

This vomit of your brain onto the keyboard is the best vomit I have ever seen. This amazing and moving and made me think about those stupid f***ers who made those damn qoutes. I really like your vocabulary and your writing style makes me feel as if your talking to me. I like that in a story. I'm quite interested in where you're going with this.

And as to your comment on my story, it was supposed to be cain't. I say it all the time. It's my little contraction of can't and ain't. :)

I don't quite know what to say to that. That was by far the most "interesting thing I've ever read on mibba, and I've read some weird stuff. Uh you present your points of view with a lot of passion. Which is something I admire. This was written really well and I am definatily reading more.

I really did like this. It's so angry and raw, and I look forward to reading more of it.

IF THIS IS YOUR BRAIN VOMIT THEN PLEASE, VOMIT AWAY! VOMIT FREQUENTLY!

This is wonderful, I've never seen a character like this, who is clearly mortal but cannot die, who wants to die because he is or is not enlightenend. And maybe because he was not elightened by society he is the true enlightenment, the one that you can never get to through the mundane internet, and I like that about him. (is it a him? The person in the picturei s a guy so I'm going to say it's a him, don't hate me if it's a her, I got no specification.)

I also like the way you wrote it and that they swear like mofo sailors. I LOVE PEOPLE WHO CUSS. Is that wierd? Anyways its really beautiful and I love how simple the layout is, you did a wonderful, WONDERFUL job with that, bravo!

Do I want to die? And you are so enlightened, you are so smart and clever and happy, you say yes. Yes I want to die; I want to rip my enlightened soul from this body that can never fully appreciate me. Oh my god, this was like my favorite part. It's totally beautiful, I wish I had come up with it, bitch. Seriously though, that's amazing, I love when people repeat things like that, the way the human mind really is, I think it's beautiful.


thank you for writing this. I reward you with this.

Very, different. Kinda dark but somehow I like it. I wish to see where this will go.
Ha, I think I am subscribed to almost all of your stories. XD I'm addicted.

I love Fight Club. <3333 It's so great, and this honestly, plays with your head. It gets you thinking. Forces you to think about stuff, at least it did for me xD haha. I do think you should continue this, because you could probably take it in different directions. Whichever way you decide to go, I'm sure it'll be amazing. Your writing is lovely. People should be jealous. I'm definitely jealous. I'm subscribing to this, and I hope I receive an email on my cell, telling me you've updated! I'd be so damn happy :D

I love this. I love the whole attitude of it(: Hope you like my story!!!

I've never read anything like this, but the way you write is amazing.
I love the concept It's out there and It's somthing I'd keep reading if you updated and brung more chapters. I love how this made me think of Fight CLub and at the end I read your author note! :P
Keep writing, your flawless at it.
There is nothing I dislike.

by the way i don't really think your normal sh*t is...well...sh*t. i like it actually. :o

GABBY I AM SO PROUD OF YOU. YOU FINALLY STOPPED WRITING THAT NORMAL SH*T AND NOW YOU HAVE DELVED INTO THE REALM OF THE SUPERNATURAL WHERE NOTHING MAKES SENSE. AND IT'S PRETTY MUCH THE STORY OF KENNY MCCORMICK, NO LESS, BUT WITH A DIFFERENT NAME AND DIFFERENT FRIENDS AND AT A DIFFERENT PLACE.

SO PRETTY MUCH NOTHING LIKE KENNY MCCORMICK, REALLY.

...WHY AM I SHOUTING.

anyway. when i saw this, my brain kinda jumped and danced around because i was like "HOLY SH*T, THIS IS THE STUFF I THINK OF". so i am way happy for that. because this sounds like it's going to be awesome for two reasons: it's supernatural, it's about a kid who gets beat up a lot (and you know how fond i am of those boys), and it was written by you.

what? that's four reasons?
WELL, YOU MUST JUST BE THAT GODD*MN GREAT.

honestly though that is such a great premise. i can totes understand why that guy keeps getting beat up because like he needs to feel something, i guess, and he can't die anyway so this is kind of the key to getting as close as he can. also it will be interesting if the bullies ever find out he's immortal. it's like one of those movies where you keep going "f*ck, i wish the bullies would find out because that would be the coolest scene ever and it would send chills up my spine" and then it happens and you're sitting there with wide eyes going HOLY F*CK IT REALLY DID HAPPEN LET ME ABSORB EVERY BIT OF THIS AND REPLAY IT A BILLION TIMES IN MY MIND AFTER WE LEAVE THE THEATRE.

but yeah, this is generally gonna be awesome. i haven't been this excited for a story in ages. d(._.d)

also i am sitting on the bus and there is this very fat girl sitting near me but not close enough that i'm uncomfortable. she has like pretty much the weight of a whole 'nother person around her middle. it's pretty disgusting. she looks like...uh...something really fat. D:
-sob-

i thought i would let you know that. d(._.d)

I think this is a very interesting concept for a story. Well, it sounded super awesome in your journal, that's why I say that. The layout is simple and I really like the picture that you chose. Now onto the story.

Gosh. The first paragraph was amazing. It's so sarcastic, which I'm guessing the main character is too. Okay, it isn't just the first paragraph, but the whole thing. The tone of this chapter makes me laugh because it seems like he really doesn't care and everything around him is just bullshit. Well, that's what I got out of it and I could be wrong.

Anywho, the narrator is such a pessimistic person but not everyone can be a happy go-lucky person, can they? I think that is what I like the narrator most - he is just a bitter person, as he put it. I wish I had more to say, but I don't. Good job and good luck with this story!

Wow, I really love this, it's so blunt and out there that it does make an impact. Even though I'm a happy person [:'D], I've even shared the thoughts that the narrator describes, it's something that's totally relatable in my opinion. And you worded it perfectly - it's not all formal, it's like straight out talking to the audience, stream of consciousness type deal. Plus, the whole mug thing - I like, ahah.

And I see the narrator has a pretty interesting problem on his hands. I had half a mind to think the narrator's immortal, and then the other thinking that maybe, maybe he just simply has a really hard time taking his last breath. I don't think he's immortal, but that's just my mind wandering/a lingering thought haha.

Looks like this is going to be an interesting ride, especially with the way the narrator thinks. I saw in your author's note that you read Fight Club, and now that I think on it, this actually does remind me of the whole Fight Club atmosphere/feeling. So seeing as how you made this when thinking of Fight Club, well, I'm sure it'll be pretty damn good then, hah. Good luck with the rest, this is great so far :')

Holy crap Gabby (:
This is so cool. Like, if I were to name the coolest thing on earth, this would be it (: