Rain - Comments

Well nothing was really wrong with it.but you had a minor typo...

"Usually after I woke up"

should have been

"Usually after I wake up"

and then after the line break you should have entered between the paragraphs.

Other then that I really didn't see anything wrong with it. Also it was interesting, different then what I normally read but surprisingly good.

Ohhh I liked this. :) Your writing style is really different, very interesting. ^.^ When you describe things you pick out things that most people would never notice or eventhink of. Like howit must be creepy that she can see out her window at night or her little fidgeting and her eyes moving left to right. Good job. :]

I actually really like this story. It's written pretty well and the idea is original and thought out. :) I'd say to make it better maybe you could be more detailed. What do the settings look like? Use figuretive language every once and a while, and try putting yourself in your character's shoes to make it more realistic. :) Make his feelings our feelings.

Chappy2:
I sat in a corner, staring at the wall of art. There were a lot of animal paintings--probably because there were a lot of girls in Art class. My eyes wandered back and forth, from one painting to the next. My eyes paused on one in particular. It was museum quality, with it's dark and gloomy atmosphere. It was a thick and lush forest. You were in the clearing looking at this massive greenery. I wanted to lie down in that clearing and stay there. I imagined I was there, lying on my back, staring up at the trees and vines. My back was soaked with the dew from fresh rain. I closed my eyes. When I reopened them, I was back with Stacy in my face. When did she get there?

"Come on! I want to show you mine!" With that said, she grabbed my arm, forcing me up.
She showed me around, making me look at her paintings, her friends', and criticizing everyone else's.
There was something about her paintings that I didn't like. They were too strict and dull. Not the artistically dull, like the forest painting I like so much. It just seemed empty...something was missing. One was of a vase of lavender flowers with a lavender wall. I hate the color lavender--it's the color of my house.

"Do you think one of mine will win?" asked Stacy, interrupting my thoughts.

"Yeah, why wouldn't they?" I tried sounding like I cared. Her face lit up.

"Really? Which one?"

I tried to think of all her paintings, but I hated them all. I hope the forest wins. Then I can see who painted it. Maybe I should go look--

"Do you really not know? I guess none of them are that good." Her eyes began to water, and I thought quickly.

"No! I just meant that they're all so good, I don't know which one is the best," I explained.

Her eyes cleared up and she smiled at me. "Thanks, you're so sweet." She leaned in for a hug.

"Okay." I patted her back looking around.

"Hey, I think they're declaring the winners."

She broke off from me and ran to the front where the wall of paintings were. I watched from the back.
I'm starting to think that I'm another one of Stacy's "crushes". Why do people get obsessed over each other like that? We're all humans. There's nothing special about anyone really--
Then, I saw her.

I lied on my back, remembering her. It's after the art show and I'm in my room. I remember, my eyes held still and my body felt shock. Pale, silky skin with a mouse like face. Small, pink lips; little, delicate nose; perfectly round, brilliant green eyes; dirty blond hair, almost strawberry blond. She won with her painting of a forest called "Lush Vines". Stacy came in second with her painting of a church and her friend came in third with a picture of a cat. Stacy asked me if it was okay if she went ahead without me and I was perfectly fine. It was only a few people and the girl left. I went to talk to her. She said that she imagined a place that wasn't here, somewhere beautiful and silent. She always paints pictures of that place. She has more: red roses climbing a fence, a white house with overgrown grass, and an old cemetery with graves that had no names because the rain washed them away. I can't stop remembering those eyes, the color of her painting...and her name, Angie.

""Lace!" a girl cried out. I kept walking letting her catch up to me."__________should be, ""Lace!" a girl called out. I kept walking, letting her catch up to me."

Chappy1:
"This happens all the time. My teachers probably think I'm a slacker, but I try extremely hard. I just can't connect to what I'm suppose to do. It's like being in a dream, I end up places and have a feeling I'm supposed to be doing something."_____________should be, "This happens all the time. My teachers probably think I'm a slacker, but I try extremely hard. I just can't connect to what I'm supposed to do. It's like being in a dream; I end up places and have a feeling I'm supposed to be doing something."

Chgappy 1:
I LUV how the sentences ran very quickly, like it was taking my breath away & making me feel like I was going through it with the character.

"I stared at her then I dropped my head to my paper. Not wanting to explain I handed it to her making it seem like it was on the other side and fast walked out."_________should be, "I stared at her, then I dropped my head to my paper. Not wanting to explain, I handed it to her, thereby making it seem like it was on the other side, then speed-walked out of the room."