Drown. - Comments

I liked this a lot.You managed to effectively pack a lot of information into a relatively short story and hold up a mundane but still somehow ominous tone, which added to the scariness. I also liked how you flipped the typical gender paradigm by making Sarah the angry, vengeance-seeking one and painting her as the bad guy rather than the murderer. I spotted a few grammatical/spelling errors and some of your descriptions seemed a little unnecessary and boring, like chemical romantics. said, the first paragraph was a bit tedious, but overall it was really good and dark.

I really like how dark the layout it and how eery the banner is. It really sets the tone for what is obviously going to be quite a sinister one-shot. The summary was good but I found 'They decide to help him out.' that line not to fit in very well, and it was almost unneeded. I think you should either get rid of it, or re-write it, to be honest.

As for the story, I liked it. I found the first paragraph to take away from it a lot though - nine out of ten times, I will hate it if you list what characters are wearing. It's not a personal thing, it's just tedious. I think clothing is almost always something where show comes before tell. The first three sentences were all I took from it, really.

This story was dark and sadistic, but I found it badly worded in parts. In the news article you introduce the police officers as cops and that is entirely unrealistic. Unless they've previously been referred to by their official title, even newspapers and magazines aimed at lower reading ages are highly unlikely to refer to them as cops. It was something that really irked me. I also found the ending unrealistic, I felt that Sarah is much likely to confess of the bat, and the reaction of the police officer was rather unrealistic too.

Nevertheless, you held the tone beautifully. It spun out a little fast for my liking, but there was something about the evil glimmer every word dripped that made it bearable. The twist to the story was nicely handled. I really enjoyed this. Good job. :)

Oh boy, crazy killers are always the best c:
You are such a good writer. I love how you used a lot of descriptions and you could just picture everything that was happening. Whenever Sarah smirked, I was like, "Noo, she gunna do something bad."
Heh. But I liked it. I love dark stories, and this was amazingnh.

I really like the layout, it's simple but it's nice and the banner really matches with the overall feeling of the story. The summary is most intriguing yet confusing, because I was thinking why would they get along and I'm just really looking forward to seeing what this is about.
Charles and Sarah new who he really was. You forgot the 'k' in front of 'knew'.
Wow, this was pretty amazing. I really liked the characters, they were fucked up and the storyline took an expected twist. Well done!

Oh, so they're perfectly fucking sane.Not. o.o

Aha, so I loved this. I like dark and fucked up stuff.
Anyways, the layout was brilliant, it really fit with the story.
The summary really drew me in because I didn't really know what the hell this story was going to be about.
Your details were amazing and I just really loved how you portrayed the characters and such.
I was all confused until the end and I really loved that.
I'm telling you, the plotline was amazing. The characters were fucked up and this was perfect.

Great job! :D <333

I love the story plot-line,I love the layout.
I lvoe the way you described things.

Let me just start by saying I fucking ADORE this layout. The picture, the colors, the way it goes so well with the vibe of the story... its just so perfect, ya know? I love all your layouts, but this one is definitely my favorite.
As for the story itself... all I can say is WOW. Lol, seriously, your writing here was fucking incredible! Well, it always is, but something about this story in particular just really spoke to me. One reason is the detail you used, which, as I was reading, really helped to paint the scenes for me. My favorite part (in terms of detail) would definitely be the way you described the beach, and how the storm moved in and sort of draped it in eerie darkness. That's some rad foreshadowing right there. :D
I also like how, at the beginning, Sarah and Charles seem totally normal, then the story unravels and you start to suspect that there's more to them than meets the eye.
Finally, the ending, when we find out the truth about Sarah and Charles. The whole thing makes total sense, though, given what happened to Sarah's sisters. And I have to say, you wrote her mental state brilliantly.
Basically, this story was fucking awesome in every aspect! This was truly a twisted masterpiece. :)

Wow..this is..powerful.

I was not expecting it to be like that at all. It was twisted and dark and just..GAHH!! :)

I love this story. You write in great detail, it's amazing.
I wasn't expecting the ending either. Thee fact that they got arrested and she was happy about it..creepy in a good way.

Awesome job on this!

Wow, that was really quite intense. Not at all what I expected from the picture and summary (although looking back at it now, it did allude to the plot quit well), but it was very good! There were a couple small spelling and grammatical errors you might want to check, but nothing too major. I really liked the ending, it summed up Sarah's hatred so simply, and yet wonderfully. So all in all, well done! I enjoyed it. I'm not sure what contest you entered, but with the unexpected plot I think you could have a pretty good chance. :)

AHHHH GOOOD GOOOD GOOOOD

Okay. It was really good.
It was amazing
Really. I loved the way you worded it. And everything. I don't know what really to type. Because it was so good! The picture scared me though seeing as I am in an un lit room right now typing this! But it was sooo good.

Really.