Cingulomania - Comments

I admit, I was a little weirded out when I realized this is a gay fic. But the way you portrayed Yuu almost felt feminine, which made this easier for me to read. The plotline was relatable, as I myself have experienced being with someone but wanting to be with someone else. You showed Yuu's inner conflict very well. I agree with fun ghoul fez.; the ending seemed slightly rushed.
Overall, this is well written.

Ugh, this was completely emotionally exhausting to read, but I do thank you for invigorating my emotions XD I feel like I've been reading so many shallow pieces lately that it was so refreshing to read this. It was exactly what I needed.

I have to say that I love how you explored a topic and a relationship dynamic that I've rarely seen in online fic. I've read pieces involving loss before, but none of them really had as much depth and as many layers as this piece had. You did an amazing job of showing the emotional conflict and just how emotionally taxing it can be to lose someone so close to you. That in itself was enough to sell me on the piece, but the fact that there's this other relationship dynamic going on between Yuu and Akira is the icing on the cake, and I thought it was very touching and realistic how Yuu seemed to carry this burden of emotional baggage into his relationship with Akira. I also felt, as if through your writing, that Kouyou's presence was very prominent in the piece, and I enjoyed how someone who's no longer in this world still possesses such a profound impact on the story as it plays out.

As always, your writing in itself was flawless. Perfect grammar, amazing flow, lovely descriptions. I have to say that one of the things I adore most about your writing are the little gestures and facial expressions that the characters make that tell far more about the character than any words they could've said. I'm such a sucker for those little details, and you really know how to work them into a piece perfectly.

I think the one aspect of this piece that stood out the most for me, aside from the emotional depth, was the symbolism of the photograph. I loved how you really zeroed in on that object for a moment, transporting Yuu back to the memory and all the feelings associated with both that memory of Kouyou and his thoughts on his present life without him. I also thought it was really neat how Yuu was beating himself up about how he treated Akira, imagining Kouyou scolding him on the subject. I thought that piece of internal dialogue was a nice touch.

This was an absolutely amazing piece, and while you did a superb job of showcasing the word prompt, I feel like you really went above and beyond it. Great job

I really liked this! It was very well written, nice job.

Story Review Game

Layout/Summary: I have nothing to complain about when it comes to the layout. The colors all went together perfectly and it wasn't distracting in the least. I guess that it was a little plain but there's honestly nothing wrong with that. I really like how you used song lyrics for the summary; although I'm a big fan of written summaries, sometimes lyrics say more than we can. I'd love to listen to the song that this is based off of but I have dialup so I won't be able to. =/

Content.

Right off the bat, I could completely relate to the feeling of being with someone but really wanting someone else. It's such a heartbreaking emotion and you did such a great job at conveying that emotion. I personally loved the following sentence: He finds warmth here, pressed against Yuu's body, and it's the only warmth he's able to get. I love how you showed the real difference here between physical warmth and emotional warmth. I'm not entirely sure why I so enjoyed this but I guess it's just because I've kind of been in the same situation as Yuu; being physically warm for someone but not having any emotional warmth for them.

I had to reread the first section twice for it to hit me that Kouyou had passed away (or so I think.) Having that in mind, the photograph was really a nice touch; at first, I was confused as to why it was still there but I think that was a very realistic detail to add one, especially if Kouyou has died.

Honest, the sheer realism of the emotions you put into this is absolutely breathtaking. I could feel just how drained Yuu was, both physically and emotionally; this might sound repetitive but I could just feel everything that they were going through. It's breathtaking how intense the emotions are. Also, I really enjoyed how you went into detail about how their physical life was affected by Yuu's lingering emotions. I've honestly read too many stories that don't offer the real side of sex but this was the exact opposite.

For some reason, I feel like the ending was a bit rushed. Although it was still beautiful, I somehow feel like there should be a bit more there, like another paragraph or such. Nonetheless, I really liked how you mentioned the cliche aspect in there; the ending was slightly cliche but that didn't stop me from enjoying it. It made me quite happy, to be honest, but I just feel like there could have been just a bit more there.

I'm not sure if you've went through something along these lines in your own life but it is truly amazing how connected you are to your own characters. They have depth and sheer emotion and it is so obvious that you as an author truly care about them and that this isn't just tripe to you. Kudos on that and really, kudos on this piece. It was beautiful and I wish you luck in your contest.

Title: I don't know what that means and it may lose someone by looking at it. But I understand since it's entered in the same contest I'm in. But I don't know if it should be the title.

Layout: Sometimes plain is good. It doesn't hurt the eyes or anything like that and it's not too much in your face. It's alright in that prospective.

Summary: The first stanza doesn't follow the rest of the rhyming scheme at all and it could sometimes throw the reader for a loop. I write a lot of poetry so I have a clue of the flow of words. The pattern of the amount of lines in each stanza could use a little work. Instead of having 4, 3, 3, 4, perhaps it could be 4, 3, 4, 3. The rhyme scheme could be a,b,a,b, c,d,c, e,f,e,f, g,h,g (sorry if I'm confusing you, but that's how it's written). But poetry is nice in a summary. And it's nice that you put the definition of the word in the summary.

Chapter: Yuu, you got me for a loop. I didn't even know that was a name. That's cool though, that you used a non-common name (non-common in America that is).

So far I have no idea of what the plot is... but I guess I should read further. I'm guessing someone had died or something otherwise I don't see why they would be crying.

I know these guys are gay but it's feeling kind of women like. Maybe it's just me, but no matter what the orientation, they'll still be men so it would be nicer if their emotions reflected that a little better.

Well, the story plot is kind of deja vu to me, like I've read it many times before. I'm not sure if that's the whole story, but it reads a little cliche. There isn't really a message or climax, or something meaningful. But I guess it's supposed to be a love fluff story. If that's the case, then it's okay.

I’m not the type of person that usually enjoys something strongly relationship based, however I do have to say that, that was rather an exciting read. What drew me in at first was the way you write your description. It has a nice flow, not choppy, stubby sentences I lately been running into, with a good balance of emotion and action. I found it more emotional, but this type of story called for it, so great job for that. However, in the beginning I was confused with Yuu and Kouyou’s relationship. I hope it’s that Kouyou recently died. Anyway, when I figured that out I started to enjoy the story more because I understood what was happening to each character better, and when that happened I started to get wrapped up in their situation more and more until you had me mesmerized. I liked that.

Also, at first I was confused how you tied cingulomania into the story, because I don’t really remember a strong enough desire for me too remember (that it was more of dealing with the loss), but I decided to read the definition again and for some reason it seemed to hit me that you used it in a ‘cause and effect’ way. I thought that was ingenious and delightful; if I’m completely off I’m terribly sorry. :/

Either way it was a pleasure reading this short. I wish I could tell you more, but I’m at a loss because of its beautifulness.

I never really listen to the song that oneshots are based off of, but this time I'm doing just that. The summary is nice, to the point, just quoting the song works for a oneshot. The layout is fairly basic, and though I'd love a banner or such, that doesn't really affect the way the story is.

First of all, I just have to say that I can emphasize so much with Yuu. I have the hardest time ever, saying I love you to someone, even online in a friendly way. So it feels like you've captured a real person, someone with issues, y'know. I can also understand the guilt he feels, even after Akira says it's okay, he still feels awkward about not saying it back. Re-waitforit-latable!

I was surprised to find out that Akira was a guy too. Lovely.

sfklsjkflds the song combined with the story is tearing me up. I can totally picture him standing there with the picture, trying to explain himself. I mean, at least that's how I see it. It's wonderful. As is the way he adds "I think you'd really like him". It feels sad, yet hopeful somehow, that maybe Yuu really will be able to return Akira's love sooner or later, for real. The way he finally said the words was brilliant, because it felt as if he needed to say them right then and there, or he wouldn't have the guts anymore.

I loved the ending, even though I could kind of see it come creeping, I loved it. I think you've captured his inner battle perfectly. I also like that even though he clearly doesn't plan on just forgetting his former love, he's still ready to move on and be in a new relationship and allow himself to be whole again.

Great job, me gusta!

1st comment yet again. Okay I'm 95% sure this is a slash. And I'm not real big on slashes but I managed to suck it up and read through the chapter.

This was okay to say the least. I liked the tenderness between the two men. And you did a good job of descrbing the scenes.

Good job and have a good day.