The Quiet - Comments

I like how I get so hooked on your stories where I finish them in one night. I just finished Bound & now i finished this one.
I was hooked from the start. It was a good story. I didn't expect all the twist and turns though.
Nice job. :) Another story that didn't disappoint me!!

Comment swap:
This was absolutely beautiful! It was well written, and I was definitely intrigued and it kept my attention the whole time! I like that this is something different from most of the things that you find on Mibba, and it was well executed! You are a talented writer and this story was one if my favorite that I've read here!!

Oh this is really good. The first chapter hooked me into the story and made me want to read more. You are a talented writer. This story just shows that. I read more of the chapters and it is simply amazing. I think you did a real good job on writing this. The idea of the story is really good and original. I like the way it seems to hold a mystery throughout the whole story. It is amazing and good job!

I liked the first chapter so far! I'm definitely gonna continue reading this.

But back to the first chapter! I liked how you were immediately able to exemplify the characteristics of your characters! Already they seem authentic and relatable.

I'm so interested to see what type of story this turns into. Cannot wait to keep reading!

This was such a great story :) And an awesome epilogue to top it all off!

This epilogue was a perfect wrap up for the story, filling in the few empty spaces and questions left behind in the final chapter. I'm glad that Cari's dad likes Clay immeadiately and is grateful enought ot ask him if he'd like to come along on the ride to the hospital instead of going all guard dog over the fact that there was a boy in the house with his daughter (which seems to be a common reaction for dads). I eagerly await your next story. :)

That was an epic ending to the story. I'm glad Alec is finally dead and the twist was amazing. Just when I thought all hope was lost for Clay and Cari, Clay whips out Alec's gun, makes a threat and eneds it. I'm in awe. I can't wait for the epilogue. :)

Dang O_O Clay turned all badass. That was awesome :) Can't wait for the epilogue

Nooooo Maddox D:

Cari should pick up the knife and stab Alec in the chest with it. Then she can say that Alec has his knife back. >:D I'm excited to see what happens in the end and I liked how you showed the affection that has developed between Cari and Clay. I'm a sad that Maddox died, in what seemed like a very painful way, but at least he died trying to protect Clay and Cari.

Goodness, sorry I haven't commented in awhile :(

Those were really good chapters though :) I can't wait to see how it turns out.

I'm so glad Cari managed to fight back and that Maddox isn't dead yet.I hate how Alec is trying to make Clay and Cari feel guilty, as I feel he's only doing it to try and weaken their resolve to fight back. Hopefully Alec will be injured since Maddox tackled him and knocked him down the stairs. Maddox will probably die because of that, but if he does, at least he died for a cause. As for ending the story soon, I can see it coming to a close in a few chapters with everything that's happened.

I really hope no one else gets hurt... and Alec needs to leave Maddox alone. He's already hurt so I don't see the need for killing him, but then again I don't have the same mindset as Alec (thankfully). The change you made has me even more interested and as for posting a chapter of the other story, I think that works well. :)

Go Clay! :D Goodness I hope they don't get hurt

I honestly don't think villians ever expect their victims to come in the "in broad daylight" manner, haha. I admire Clay's resolve to try and help, even though Cari would prefer he stay put and out of harm's way.

I'm only a few chapters in (finding it very enjoyable to read, mind you) so I can't offer much criticism without reading the work as a whole,but here are a few on my thoughts

"This was the happiest part of my life. Too bad everything was about to change for the worse."
You end chapter one with this after a nice memory with Clay, and I'm wondering if its too heavy handed? You already have the sentence in past tense, which implies things aren't like this- this romantic memory in the woods- anymore. I would nix the second sentence, maybe italicize "was" if you're worried readers won't pick up on the contrast, but I think they will.

You do something similar throughout, like in the second chapter where the narrator says "I was wrong" about the move. I would let the past tense speak for itself ("I thought") It's subtle, and since the next thing you describe is a fight, it shows that was a delusion.

Your dialogue after the fight, and in the nurses office is very well done. It conveys a sense of nervousness that accompanies meeting someone new, and it sounds natural.

I think stories that switch perspective have two inevitable flaws- they repeat things, and they never give us a full picture of either character- we get snippets of each. I personally think have one strong protagonist is better than switching perspectives, but clearly you've made your choice as you're over 40 chapters in, so take that with a grain of salt if you wish.

I'm gonna subscribe and try to catch up to the end of this!

I love the Clay/Cari cuteness as well as how you portrayed their situation, it brings a break from the (still loved) action/madness going on. I'm starting to think that the house has hidden trap doors or something since people keep vanishing... I'm also hoping Cari and Clay manage to survive everything and as for Alec taking Lena's body, all I have to say is ew.

I love the imagery you used in the update. And Cari / Clay cuteness. <333

Goodness, I hope they don't die D:

"Nightmare" is easily my favorite chapter. From the first line to the last, omg. It was really emotional and to be honest, at first I was kind of skeptical about Maddox's sadness. I thought maybe he was trying to distract them, but that chapter made me actually feel guilty about not believing him before, hahha.

"I was everything my mind told me." I love that line. It was like a sudden epiphany.

The next chapter is just plain creepy! :O imagine seeing someone coming in your window and knowing it may be a murderer. jghdskjgthdg.

Okay, Alec can S my fucking D. I didn't expect to like him, but I was just starting to like Lena again :( what an asshole. </3 I like how you described the fuzziness in her head, though. It was really unique and when she wondered if it was all just a dream, aw. That made me sad. :(

And now he's being terrible to Clay. Ugh, can you kill him soon? ;D that's so sick how he knocked out Cari like that!

WHAT THE HELL? Maddox is gone?! Don't tell me he ran away!!

....he ran away. Dear god. I'm glad he had the balls to go back, though, even though it's kind of sad that he may die. :( like I said, I just started liking / believing him. It's so eerie how you said there was "nothing" in Alec's voice. :O that just added to his creepiness.

NO, DID CLAY DIE?! Omg. :(

jkgdgkh I'm sorry for the really, really delayed comment. :( I've been missing out.