Merinthophobia - Comments

Hey, this is for the comment swap. I'm so sorry I'm late with this. I fell asleep and next thing I knew, three hours had passed.

First, I must say that I love the lyrics you used in the summary. "Bound and Gagged" is one of my favorite Creature Feature songs and I had a little fangirl moment when I read the first line.

I did see a few errors, though:

-In the first chapter, the second to last paragraph has a spacing issue. I'm sure it was just something weird your word processing program did when you pasted it over into Mibba, so it's no big deal.

-"Alyson sighted. "I'm still working on the paper. I should be done within the hour," the other side buzzed in reply." -- I believe "sighted" is supposed to be "sighed."

-"It's the only way I can see you. But when I turn eighteen, I promise no more. At least we got a hour," Alyson's voice was soft. -- The " is a random HTML error. I just can't stand when HTML freaks out.

This story is extremely interesting and captivating. The introductory chapter about Alyson's trauma when she was a child was so heartbreaking to read, given that your descriptions are absolutely vivid and doesn't fail to provide imagery. When Alyson got older and was in bed with that older man, I expected her to be sort of vile and reckless about how she is, but she isn't. And it completely surprised me.

We don't exactly see too much that's out of place or off-putting about Alyson yet. We see that she's afraid of others getting close to her, but we don't have an idea about whether she'll snap or slowly grow into someone more paranoid as her days go on. You're definitely keeping us guessing so far.

I just adore this story so much. I really hope you continue it because I'd love to see how Alyson develops and what happens to her.

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I'm on my way to read another story of yours.

I actually remember reading this when I was doing reviews and I'm shocked that I forgot to comment on it! As others have said, I didn't know that this was actually a phobia. The first chapter is amazingly horrendous and I couldn't imagine what went on with the child. To see such evil in such an innocent child... maybe it wasn't the child who was possessed but maybe the mother. I thought this was brilliantly thought out. The way that she reacted when she thought her daughter was impure, the plan that hatched inside her head. Amazing. But now there's something wrong with the girl, she's broken, scarred, andI can't wait to see how things will turn out. The second chapter was great too, it sheds more light on how it's affected Aly. I can't wait for you to update this, it really is good. :)

I like the beginning and the way it's written. Can't wait for the next update!

@ viralstorm

The ending will surprise you, I'll say that for sure. I was really trying to make this sound good. I didn't want it to seem like the mother's religion was the cause of her insanity, because her religion had nothing to do with it. My own anxiety and depression was inspiration for that. I'm glad someone caught what I was saying.

HOLY COW! I didn't even know this was a phobia, but it makes sense. Everyone has something that they fear, and this is a damn good thing to be scared of. The mother's schizophrenia was written so well. The way she was sure the voices in her head were her God and the Devil telling her to do things was so intense. I was actually expecting her to do something more dramatic, like kill herself, but the father coming home and sending the mother off for help was really refreshing. I just hope this doesn't turn into something like that one story on Lifetime. You know, the one where the mom breaks out of the loony bin and comes back to finish the job. Haha.

I seriously hope you continue this. I really like that she is still struggling with what her mother did to her. Specifically loved how you described her depression. "The side she was, and the side who she should be always fought." I definitely can relate to this. I felt like this when my anxiety and depression where at its peak a few years ago.

I need more.

@ whenimgone

I plan to thank you.

oh my... could you please continue something like this... Its amazing.

@ January Rose

I'm actually re-writing it now. It will be better but have the same basic plot line.

I have never heard of Merinthophobia, but it sounds kind-of horrible to have..
I really liked this short story, good job on it. I only wish there was more...

Merinthophobia...never heard of it then again there are a billion phobias out there.

The layout is nice and the summary sound dark and horrific, which I would expect from you.
Looks awesome. Good luck in the contest.
=D