Suburbia - Comments

You have no idea how happy I was when I saw this was updated. I thought it was abandoned. Don't abandon it, please.

Well this story is diffrent, its good and real but realistically depressing. The names are a bit wierd, like them parents be on crack or somthing, I couldn't even pronounce them in my head. Anyway I like the shorter chapters, I read more of the story then I ussually do when looking at a story. So that means its good. Besides the names I like it, nice writing style, nice storyline, nice everything, keep it up.

I miss this! Please update soon!

All of your chapters are loved!

I don't know how I came across this story, but I'm glad I did. I love your writing style and how you establish your own voice throughout your story, which is sometimes hard to do. I love all of the figurative language, too!

But anywaysss, this story is so interesting! It draws you in at the very first chapter, and I haven't been able to stop reading since. I must admit that it is a little confusing. I'm not sure if Eve (and Leland) are really seeing ghost and becoming other people or if they have a mental disorder like everyone suspects. I won't lie, when he saw Craig on the road, that scared the heck out of me! But yeah, sorry for the paragraph! I had to express my love for this story! :))

Things are not getting any better.

I love their chemistry. :)

You have a very good beginning, but one thing is that you said "unperfect" instead of "imperfect." Other than that, it had a strange kind of draw and I think that the way you introduce the hanging is brilliant.
I love that you use semicolons, just thought I'd mention that. People seem to shy away from them. Also, I was astounded when I realized that the main character is a guy.

I love the way that you describe Eve in chapter six- lips blushing red is especially striking.

I love your story. I love your characters and I love how they interact with one another. You write characters who are so real and so flawed and I really wanna know where they go from here.

Comment Swap
Alright, so I really have fallen in love with this story. I was kind of overwhelmed when I received it for the swap because of it's length, but after the first chapter I realized I would have no problem reading it.

I'm just in love with the way that you can take a small thing and describe it in a way that makes it seem like the most important thing in the world. Your imagery is very impressive and your word choice amazes me at times. The use of "perfect" in the first chapter added a really cool effect and set up a great start to the story. The way Leland reacts to Craig's death, I thought, was fairly realistic. Not everyone is going to cry their eyes out; there will be the people that just don't feel anything. It's a kind of numbness and I think you captured that really well. It really added to everything that it took so long for him to actually break down. And seeing that it was Eve/Vanessa that caused him to break down certainly set up for a huge connection between the two. Eve is really interesting to me anyways. What with the whole Vanessa thing and just everything else about her, I can't help but like her. I really think that she's either going to be really good for Leland, or Vanessa's going to come back at the worst possible time and be terrible for Leland.

Another thing that I really like is the way that you portrayed Leland's family. The idea of the perfectly dysfunctional suburban family has always intrigued me and I think you did a wonderful job of writing them. The mother irritates me to all hell because of her tendency to be overbearing and the father does the same thing because of his arrogance and holier-than-thou attitude. Rory's sarcasm seems to highlight Leland's apathetic/numb personality. And then the rift that's formed between them over the years helps create even more conflict for a "perfect suburban family". It just all comes together really well and I really like that.

I'm not sure if many people noticed this, but reading this all at once, I did. There's a slightly hidden repetition of the phrase "left to right, left to right" that started with Craig swinging from the rafters. That's just brilliant. Maybe it wasn't even intentional, but I think it's amazing either way.

So all in all, I am now subscribed to this because it has officially blown me away. I look forward to updates for this :D

i'm finally catching up with this and i still just love it! i really really love eve, she's just this perfect mystery. <3

Wow, I am really impressed with your writing! I like that it isn't too fluffy with too many pointless details, as that wouldn't be appropriate for this type of story. You get to the point which makes your story a very easy and enjoyable read!

All of your characters are so unique as well! Leland's reaction to Craig's death is the most intriguing and made me want to find out more about him! Great job! I'll definitely be subscribing!

I honestly didn't think I would be reading any more than chapter two, but here I am, devouring more words with my eyes by the minute. Wow, this is quite unique. Your main character's personality and narration is just so... casual and very different from other characters I've read about. I'm definitely subscribing. This is just simply beautiful and amazing. I'll be reading more now (( :

wow this is really brilliant. you're a great writer so i'm going to be completely honest with you, i wasn't grabbed by chapter one. it didn't seem anything impressive, but then chapter two, oh my god. i was hooked.

the characters are brilliant, the parents are so stereotypical 'mum', and 'dad', but it works so well. the dialogue is realistic, and my favourite thing about your writing is how you put speech in brackets occasionally, it has a nice feel about it.

i love eve and vanessa, they are so interesting, and i'm loving the relationship they both have the the protagonist. i'm on chapter eight right now, but i've subscribed and will be catching up in the morning.

I really liked how your sentences were written. Some shorter than others, some longer, it kept the flow going really nicely. It really is very poetic, and in a sense it's pretty dark, as it should be, seeing how it is revolving around a suicide.
I love real feeling to it all, like how Leland's mom is trying to be so protective or him, and how his brother is so blunt. As long as you keep the characters rounded with their flaws and strengths this story will continue to be as amazing as it already is.

I'll subscribe [:

I won’t lie – I already started and I’m hooked. Just judging by the minimalistic layout and its small sentence-long summary, I can tell that I’m going to love this. For some reason, I imagine that this story is going to have some sort of paranormal/creepy/horror edge to it. I wonder if my suspicions are true or not, haha (; Anyways, onto the review!

I guess I was right; I’ve fallen in love with this story, even though I’ve only begun reading the first chapter. Your descriptions of the perfect suburbia, with its perfect surroundings and schools and homes and people, are amazing and (honestly) somewhat true. A weird creepy tingle went down my spine when I read that Craig hung himself and that, basically, this perfect suburbia would never be the same again. I kind of love stories like this, ones that really make you think and let your mind wonder.

I’m really curious to find out more about this creepily perfect neighborhood and what made Craig hang himself in the first place. And I’m also curious to find out more about this enticing, unnamed main character. I really wish I could continue reading, but as I’m strapped on time, I’ll have to sub and come back to read more later. You’ve done a great job with this so far; can’t wait to see what happens next! <3

I love your writing style, it's almost poetic. It's really beautiful. The first chapter is wonderful. It starts out with your poetic words, that flow together beautifully. The repetition is well, perfect. It adds to the poetic feeling. And the the end of the chapter, oh my god. That was a great catcher to get people to keep reading. I love how you accomplished so much in such a short chapter. It's fantastic. I'm definitely subscribing.

As soon as I started reading this story I was relieved that it was decently written, though perhaps not as descriptive as I would like, but again that's just a personal preference on my part.
The spelling comment in the second chapter made me chuckle ;) and I find Eve to be quite an interesting character, although creepy. I'm only up to chapter five so far, but I'll definitely be reading more.
Another thing, perhaps you could give us more of a summary, to give new readers more of an idea of what your story is about. I'm not sure how many people like diving into stories not knowing, but I like knowing what I'm getting into. :D but still, I like it so far and shall be continuing!

I really like this chapter actually. :) I just hope you don't take so long putting the next one up like you did with this one.

Love Leland, his protection of his brother is admirable.