f(l)ighting. - Comments

This is my review for the contest:

This was an interesting story. I could see the link with the picture, although when I first saw the picture I had a completely different impression of it, so it was interesting for me to read how the same picture had been interpreted so differently by another person. :) I liked how it seemed to be like little snapshots of their life, however I felt that in some places it was a bit rushed. The bit where they realised they didn't really love each other anymore was very sudden and unprecedented, as there didn't seem to be any mention of their relationship falling apart up until that point. I think that maybe there needed to be a few more hints that they were beginning to fall out of love before that part.
The spelling and grammar was consistently good, and the language used, particularly at the beginning, really showed how they were in love. The bit where he posted something on Facebook and the line that followed: 'that got fifteen likes,' made me laugh. I admit that there were a few parts that I didn't understand though, until I read the summary at the end. They separated from each other very suddenly and, although that was explained in the summary, that again felt very rushed and unexpected. Overall, though, a good entry. :)

his ear. his hands settled - capital 'H?'

I promise," She kissed him quickly - full stop, or comma with a lower case 's.'

first. she bought a ridiculous hat and a - Capital 'S.'

and he a fascinating book about world war two. - and he, a.... without the comma, it reads a little awkwardly as the sentence doesn't have the break it needs.

at that point as to keep the manuscript safer. - point, so as to....I think, but something needs to go in there because I had to read it a few times before I understood what was being said.

I think it's a neat story, and I like how you use the cities and the trip to symbolize what's going on with their relationship. I like how you don't show that they're fighting, but you show it through the subtle changes in attitudes towards each other. I also think it's neat how you use Facebook - it's not something chucked in there for the sake of, but it's got a point and it works well. :)

I think it's amusing how at the end she says she doesn't love him any more and it's just like oh hey, yeah sorry. But it works because of what you've added in the author's note - so it's not a complete weird thoughtless brush off - there was more to the story. :)

Tis a nice story. :)

This was fantastic. I have to say that my favorite part about this is how it doesn't end all happy and fluffy. It is real and a bit harsh, but I love it.

Just a little grammar error I noticed.
"You'll understand one day, I promise," There should be a period at the end because it is the end of the sentence, she doesn't say anything more.

I loved the little summary as well, just remember to capitalize :)

Other than that it was lovely to read, and if there was a continuation I would be sure to read it. The author's note at the end was also a smart move to help complete the story.

Lovely though <3

This was so beautiful. The first paragraph was just amazing... it pulled me in right away... it just made me want to travel Europe even more. It seems so fantastic over there. The end was surprising and... heartbreaking. ): You've got a very unique writing style as well so I'd hold onto it because it really is fantastic and made the story all the better. <33 Pretty layout as well!

A couple things I'd change... click f3 on your keyboard to find them in the story quicker:

Her quiet whispers spoke, though, of how she'd ravish him and warm, teasing remarks about how frenchmen were better lovers anyways, pushed him over the edge.
I think it’d sound better if you changed the part where it says of how she’d ravish him and warm change the “and” to “with” so it’s of how she’d ravish him with warm, teasing remarks…

his hands settled on bare hips as his eyes tried to find that face he'd learned so well.
Capital ‘h’ on his! :)

she bought a ridiculous hat and a sucker and they walked the streets…
Capital ‘s’ on she!

… and he a fascinating book about world war two.
That part seemed like it was an incomplete thought. I think you meant and he wrote a fascinating book about world war two.

Little minor errors that are quite easy to fix. Other than that I thought it was flawless. And now I'm just waiting until I'm old enough to travel to Europe. :') Beautiful job! <33

I really enjoyed this. It was written wonderfully. The way you wrote this seemed to kind of be like images of their relationship kind of. It's fitting that this is based off of 'Memories,' because that's what this story felt like was a bunch of memories, which just included the important details. I like that you gave more information in the author's note to tie everything together. It worked really well and I enjoyed reading this. Great job!