I really like your use of adjectives. Your descriptions are beautiful <3 One of the reasons I love drabbles so much is because I feel like they focus so much more on sensory details and creative language. Full length stories are so much more plot driven, which is fine, but it makes me sad when the pretty words are neglect :) so really great job. I applaud.
I can’t put my finger on it, but there is something a bit off about your viewpoint character…like…mentally…sort of…I’m not sure...it’s weird. But good. It’s just enough to make the reader pause, but not enough for them to be sure. Which is awesome. High five. Her attachment to the bird is just the slightest bit off. Did you plan on the girl being that strange, or did it just kind of happen as you wrote? And may I say that I love your author’s notes. So funny.
There were one or two places where you had an extra word that didn’t make sense, like you were editing and just forgot to delete one word. Not a problem, though. This was a great story. I like that it was short and choppy; it fit really well with the oddity of the idea.
The pigeon was just…unusual. I don’t bird-watch, but I’m pretty sure pigeons don’t act the way that white one did. And the way it just sat by while the rest of them attacked her was eerie. Thinking about the girl/bird relationship in terms of a relationship as it would be between two people, there was absolutely nothing weird or unusual about it: girl loves boy from afar, girl and boy meet; boy’s friends get jealous; boy returns to friends and watches them tear girl apart. It’s not nice, but it’s realistic. Turning that boy into a pigeon was a really peculiar, cool spin. I’m curious about how you came up with that.
Ummm…I’m not really sure what else to say about this story. It’s harder to explain my judging of this because it’s a collection of drabbles and it doesn’t have characters and a plot created like the short stories I received, so I look at it a little differently, but it does have them. They’re just different. I really liked it. Beautifully done. I’m really glad you entered this :)
I really like your use of adjectives. Your descriptions are beautiful <3 One of the reasons I love drabbles so much is because I feel like they focus so much more on sensory details and creative language. Full length stories are so much more plot driven, which is fine, but it makes me sad when the pretty words are neglect :) so really great job. I applaud.
I can’t put my finger on it, but there is something a bit off about your viewpoint character…like…mentally…sort of…I’m not sure...it’s weird. But good. It’s just enough to make the reader pause, but not enough for them to be sure. Which is awesome. High five. Her attachment to the bird is just the slightest bit off. Did you plan on the girl being that strange, or did it just kind of happen as you wrote?
And may I say that I love your author’s notes. So funny.
There were one or two places where you had an extra word that didn’t make sense, like you were editing and just forgot to delete one word. Not a problem, though. This was a great story. I like that it was short and choppy; it fit really well with the oddity of the idea.
The pigeon was just…unusual. I don’t bird-watch, but I’m pretty sure pigeons don’t act the way that white one did. And the way it just sat by while the rest of them attacked her was eerie. Thinking about the girl/bird relationship in terms of a relationship as it would be between two people, there was absolutely nothing weird or unusual about it: girl loves boy from afar, girl and boy meet; boy’s friends get jealous; boy returns to friends and watches them tear girl apart. It’s not nice, but it’s realistic. Turning that boy into a pigeon was a really peculiar, cool spin. I’m curious about how you came up with that.
Ummm…I’m not really sure what else to say about this story. It’s harder to explain my judging of this because it’s a collection of drabbles and it doesn’t have characters and a plot created like the short stories I received, so I look at it a little differently, but it does have them. They’re just different. I really liked it. Beautifully done. I’m really glad you entered this :)