Brain Dead - Comments

First I gotta say
I love your layout.

Now with your story
This was an interesting, yet dark tale of someone having a brain tumor.
Chills ran down my back, like I was watching a suspenseful movie.
I love how you wrote this, you are very well written descriptions.

I cant wait to see more
Keep up the good work
<3

Holy Crap!

Okay, wow...Um, the summary gave me the chills and I'm so on this. It's so freaking interesting. I mean, you - I have no words. Anyway, I will now show you that yes, I did read it. I know people sometimes just put what I put above and then don't specify which leads you to believe they didn't even read it. But I, my dear, did.

Chapter one/Prologue: It was short, but to the point.

The darkness led to a scalding fire, which would inflict everlasting suffering.

Very dramatic, in one sentence it was detailed and explained. Very good. It brings chills up my spine, it's very intriguing. It's insane that these are things you dream about. It's kind of scary but very cool.

Chapter two: Just the title of it scared me. The way you give detail of every single thing is just amazing. I pictured myself as the character and I imagined waking up in goo. The abandoned farm seems so scary but it certainly goes with the story line.

And EW! The maggots part scared the crap out of me. I'm still shivering from that. Wow, you truly are an amazing writer. For some reason you remind me of Edgar Allan Poe.

The fact that she's actually in a hospital and her mom can't hear her is frightening. I mean, I can feel how badly she wants to wake up and end this all. The crazy woman with the intestines scared the life out of me.

Wow, you're good. Keep it up.

Chilling, that's one word for it. I mean that in the highest way possible! Really, you've got an intriguing beginnning , that left me wanting to read more. The farther I got in, the more I wondered if I should keep reading, if I really wanted to know what the nightmares were. I did continue though, and I'll probably subscribe. :)

Your spelling and grammar seemed pretty good, and I hope you keep up the good work!

I love the layout. It has a really eerie feel to it that helps set the mood for the story.

The story itself is amazing. I had goosebumps the entire time I was reading it. There was so much detail, and I felt like I could be watching this as a movie, as it plays out. I almost couldn't finish reading it, it was so graphic, but I really liked it and I liked the plot idea and the story as a whole. I think, even though it was absolutely disgusting, chapter two is my favorite, just because of how extremely graphic that one is. The only thing I would say you could add to that chapter, is a little more detail on the wounds, but it would only add that much more to the story.

Well done!

I love this so much! You put so much detail into the story, it was simply captivating.
Subscribed!

I love this so much! You put so much detail into the story, it was simply captivating.
Subscribed!

This was really weird. I'm still not sure what to make of it. I mean, I think your premise is relatively controversial, so this will probably be something that people either love or hate. Really, that just comes down to the way you interpret being brain dead- it ties in to the whole euthanasia debate.

I can see, though, that the way you're addressing it, it could also make a pretty interesting story. I'm sure you have a plot arc going on here, but it's so bizarre that I have no idea where it could be going. Partly, that's a good thing, because as long as you keep up the interesting events and vivid imagery, people are going to be drawn along in order to find out where the plot is going. At the same time, though, you should be careful to give enough hints away to keep them eager. You don't want your surreal journey to become a mess, and for people to just get lost or confused and give up. As it is, I think you're doing alright- just something to bear in mind as you progress.

Spelling and grammar were generally okay. There are odd things you could fix, like using possessive commas (one example was that you had 'heavens door' instead of 'heaven's door'), and using commas in descriptive lists of adjectives. Overall, though, there was nothing so out of place that it disrupted your flow.

Like I say, this is a weird story, but at least it's creative, and I think it could be really good depending on where you decide to take it. Keep up the surrealism- I think that's what makes this better than the average 'I'm dead and stuck on earth' angsty piece.

Frightenin, chilling mysterious and totally awesome, like a darker Alice in Wonderland. I love the little bits of pretty or normal thrown in with the weird.

Omg I love this :D
This is such an original idea, its so weird as well! It's like spine chilling. I love how you put in the bit where she can hear the mother pleading her to wake up and not switching off the life support, its got a really good sense of desperation in it like she has a goal (which is to wake up) and having that makes us really want to read on.
It reminds me a lot of inception with the whole dream world thing but you've got a really good knack for horror writing. You had me scared with the woman chasing after her >.<
Keep it up, you've only done like two chapters and I'm already intrigued :P x

I have to agree with everybody else, it's really good. My dreams are really boring compared to yours. I like the concept and I am going to keep reading :) good work

Can't wait to read more :).
I loved it.

Aww, by just reading the summary I can tell that this story is going to be incredibly sad, and I'm quite curious to see how this girl copes with life after learning that she was diagnosed with a brain tumour, she must be feeling horrible. Poor girl :( Your summary was very nicely written, it just had enough information without giving too much away. The prologue was really intense, it did definitely set the story and your descriptions are fantastic, I'm jealous! I like the fact that this story seems to float in and out of reality, that was interesting! This was really well written and you have so much potential, well done! <333

* still =stiff, sorry

The title and Layout don't say much for the story. It looks pretty generic. However, the story is most definitely a thiller.The way you described the gore scenes were perfect. Some of the other sentences could use some work though and the story could be more descriptive in other parts. More show instead of tell.
Yours: I tore a strip of cloth from my casual blue t-shirt and bandaged the wound as well as possible. I also wore well-fitted skinny jeans and was shoeless. My toes were numb from the cold.

Possible Improvement: I tore a strip of cloth from my plain blue t-shirt and bandaged the wound as best as possible. My legs were still from my well fitted skinny jeans and my bare feet were numb from the cold

This is very original and will go far :)

O________O HOLY SHIT!!!

God I'm gonna have nightmares now! That's how good your descriptions and details were! The hair on the back of my neck is standing on end.

That was flat out amazing! I don’t think I saw any mistakes at all. My only complaint is the layout I suggest and original layout and I’m sure if you ask someone they can make you an awesome layout if you don’t know how. This is so amazing and I love this idea. I can’t wait to see how much more crazy this gets. I’M SUBSCRIBING!!!

Wow I can't wait to read more :)

Oh my goodness....
I have chills.
this was a good read and dayum! That's one twisted world to be stuck in o.o;
I hope you update more o.o;
:)

It really was good.

Summary:

I was concious - conscious
with a brain tumour - tumor
to be concious once agian - conscious; again

This was very captivating. I've never read anything like this, though I've seen a movie that reminded me of it: Monkeybone.

Anyway, I couldn't wait to get into the story.

I was conscious was; - : not ;
It was; - It was either get sick...would sound much better. No ; needed
A nightmare which changed its story line every twenty minutes? - I don't think this needs a question mark. It doesn't really ask a question. It more so states a fact.
brain tumour - tumor
begin to relate. At least no one - Remove the period and replace it with a comma. Like so: begin to relate, at least no one..

I don't really like prologues honestly. I fell like this could all just go in the summary, but that's just me.

Chapter one:

warm tear drip from - drop
A small tractor, hay stacks, a few stables - haystacks is one word
back of the barn. Though the scream - Remove the period and add a comma
my heart rhythmus - rhythms

I loved the scene with the dead girl. It was pretty cool. I'm really into the gory stuff.

remove the tumour - tumor
she wont be able - won't or will not

The tortured woman is awesome. This story seems really awesome. Everything about this is just awesome. With a few edited details and such, I think I will subscribe and wait to see what you come up with next!

Layout: The layout is simple and crisp. I wouldn't say it's 'pretty' or anything, but a lot of people don't want their layout to take away from the story at all. It reads well, which is all that really matters.

Introduction: I thought the intro was pretty good. It got me interested. Which is what you're aiming for. Good job.

Content: The prologue was a good way to get the story rolling; I enjoyed reading it. It was short, but I think it worked out nicely. The first chapter was great! Very original story idea (never read anything like it), and you didn't go overboard describing all the gory details - I don't mind some gore in a story, but when someone explains every last thing about it...ew. Anyways; there were some grammar errors, but nothing serious. I feel like it was a bit choppy, but maybe that's what you were striving for. I enjoyed it, and am subscribing!

This is great, I love the idea you have here. It reminded me a bit of the book The Lovely Bones, because in both that story and this story there are moments of reality and then it goes back to this other world type thing.

I love this, please keep up the good work! I did notice some periods where there should be commas but other than that great job, really :)