Fire's Revenge - Comments

I'll break this down into sections, to make it easier. :3

Layout: There's not much to say here, considering it's a default-made layout or whatever. I'd consider going and asking someone to make you a custom one, just so you could have an amazing layout. :3

Title: It's simple, but it pretty much explains what's going on. I like it.

Summary: I love it already, how you write fire as though it was a person. Personification is awesome to me. Bravo.

Prologue: While very short, it was very well-written and nice. You should probably change 'though' to 'thought', as that's how I read it. Could add a few more points, get into how Fire feels a tad bit more, but the gist of it is seen.

Chapter 1: Really liked this chapter. There are a few grammar mistakes, though. Nothing big, just giving it another read-through should allow you to see them. I liked how Fire took over Amelia's body, it was cool.

Chapter 2: I noticed right away where commas could go, so it would make the text flow better. It makes no sense without them. Like in these lines: Strictly speaking, it was not Amelia. But since the name ‘fire’ was the name it was given when it was first tamed, Amelia seemed right enough. Names aside, Amelia was not here to see the scourge of humanity. Instead, she was waiting for the woman who knew where the fire tamer lie. Plus you need a double space right after it. But it was good writing. Also, after you speech, instead of a period it should be a comma. Like so: “You bring me information,” Amelia said as the woman sat down beside her.
Also, there's some switches between Fire and fire so I really have no idea if it's 'fire' in general, or 'Fire' as in the personification/spirit.
This chapter was well written, but a tad bit confusing.

Overall: Not a bad read. Interesting enough idea, well written, but with grammatical errors and whatnot, it becomes confusing to read.

I like this story a lot. It is really creative thinking of fire as a living creature though. great plot.

Man though they were smart I didn't really get this line, I think you are missing a comma or I'm just misreading it. lol

I really like this story, and I hope you write more of it because I want to know what happens! Keep writing because your ideas are wonderful!

I can't really say much about the layout seeing as how it's default but it is my favorite one that they have to offer. It's dark which fits the mood of the story which is nice. I really do like Amelia's character; she's so interesting and I'd like to know more about her. There were some grammar mistakes but none that did actually glare at me (:

To Amelia, humanity was disgusting.

That is my favorite line

I am so sorry it took me so long to comment on this story. I have been so busy. :/
Anyway, as all the comments above have said, it is a very original, well-written and eerie story. You have done a fantastic job. I love the longing in the first chapter and the ferocity in the second. The way you have written this makes me wonder if fire really thinks that, after all these years ... That shows a job well done.
Brilliant descriptions. The way you described everything really made me connect with the character and feel her emotions.
I can tell you spent a lot of time on this and it has definately paid off. This is an amazing piece of work. The only faults I can find are a few grammar mistakes and typos, but nothing major.

That is truly a beautiful piece of writing.
Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
^_^

Wow! This was a really cool, original story! It was a very interesting idea, and you presented it really well. You really know how to draw a reader in with a summary. There were a few grammatical errors, but nothing major. I think my favourite part was actually the last two sentences; they summed up Fire's feelings perfectly. All in all, this was wonderful! Good luck with the contest! :)

Ok, I saw that the font wa changed. Thanks! That made it so much easier to read. As for the story, I liked it. It was creepy (but in a good way) how fire talked to Amelia. It's a really original idea, and I can't wait to see if fire succeeds in finding the man and burning the rest of humanity. I also thought it was really cool how fire possessed the girl, but was still able to use it's powers to burn things and make fire. Keep on writing! =)

This is a really original idea, but I would love it if u changed the font. it kinda makes my eyes hurt trying to read it. If you could change that it would be awesome! =)

Damn, wasn't first >.<

First! (I hope)

So, I am not a big fan of the layout. The colors don't go well together and it;s just...bland? It would have been fine if the colors complimented each other.

The detail was great. There was such a longing in the beginning when you talked about Amelia and her wanting to be free. It was a very tangible part of the story. i wish you would have giving more detail on the parts about the still born, her mother, and her father. Those are things that should go into detail on how she felt/feels, and what happened. Not "Ok here's what happened! next!" y'know?

All in all, this is really great story. I hope you win! :D

:}

The layout really hurt my eyes, I had to end up clicking the default layout for the story. The orange and red you used are just too bright for my liking. The summary was really done though. It gave a nice description that could hook a reader to the story.

You should be using paragraphs in your story. Not using paragraphs is a big turn off because your story becomes one big wall of text, and not many people will give a story like that a chance. Make sure to double space between every new paragraph to spread them out a bit more. The prologue seemed a bit… Pointless honestly. It wasn’t much of a prologue and could have easily just been thrown into the summary; I don’t think it really deserved its own chapter.

There were a few grammatical errors here and there, but just small ones. Overall I found the story really good. The idea you gave it is really interesting. It was a good read.

All I can say is; wow. This was extremely original and absolutely tantalizing. Amelia's story made chills run down my back. It was so creepy, insane, and well executed. I've never read something like this and it's just brilliant. I can tell you put a lot of time and effort into this and that makes me appreciate it even more. Your detailing was very vivid and the tone was undeniably eerie. The only thing I suggest is watch your grammar a bit (maybe run a check or get a beta.) I saw some punctuation errors. Also, spacing and paragraphing. It was like a wall of text at some points and that's just not pleasing to the eye and it's rather overwhelming. Otherwise, fantastic idea!