A Tiny Little Dot - Comments

Comment Swap~
Layout It's really kinda cool, but I would find a way to blend the picture into the background.. if you use Photobucket, you can put a border around the picture(black or whatever) and then make the actual page background that color and it'll blend really well. :)
Chapter 1-3 I like how you go back and forth between before and after the 'event'. Her mother reminds me of of one of my characters' mother's from a while back... what's sad is some mothers actually act like this after their daughter was raped by their(the mother's) boyfriend.
From what I've been reading, I have a pretty good idea what the 'event' is, but the way that you're writing the story, it makes me just want to keep reading. :)
Now on chapter 3...and it's nice to know she's bipolar now. Explains a bit more. :) And damn.. based on some actual events? Makes it feel even more real. I congratulate you on that feat.

Wow I love this story so far. It's really depressing and gloomy but I love it! haha.
I really like your layout and this story somewhat reminds me of Girl, Interrupted.
I saw that you commented on my Dean's Girl story but I just didn't have the time to read one of your stories.
I really enjoy reading this and am definitely subscribing. 8)

Update more soon!

(Comment Swap) "is depressed" is "is a depressed"
its a rather dark layout.
(Chapter 1)
"commands when I" would be "commands, when I"? for the emphasis?
"just let work my magic" is "just let me work my magic"?
'Magic, indeed'?
if he's the reason, he deserve it all.
Sorry, this isn't my kind of story.
Though it feels generally wll Written.
Almost imaging the scene, as they are put forth.
Such a deeply dark scene.

Summery: Virginia Sullivan is depressed, lonely 16-year-old high school student.

There should probably be an "a" after "is".

This summary is simple and is straight to the point without revealing too much and making me want to continue on to found out what he has done to her.

Chapter one: Since I have attempted to escape—and almost succeeded—over a dozen times, they have me in the most maximum security you could possible have.

"possible" should be "possibly".

That is really the only grammatical mistake I found, so kudos to you for keeping the errors at minimum :)

I do like Virginia's crude attitude and behavior. In a way, it's refreshing. I like the more blunt, strong female characters.

Although, I do find Virginia's and Mr. Simmons little "talk" unrealistic. Teachers don't really take the attitude of teens as such, but rather give them detentions, referals or make them walk to the principal's office. Then again, I guess that is just me.

I do find the "7 months after", "3 weeks earlier" and "6 months before" a bit confusing. I am assuming you mean 7 months after the first scene you have written in this story when she is in her cell. I assume that it's 3 weeks earlier than the "7 months after" scene and I assume that the "6 months before" is before the "3 weeks earlier scene". Maybe elaborating on that would be a wise idea to help the readers.

Chapter two: I really love your writing. I can picture everything clearly like a movie in my head and I can feel the emotions of your main character. The way you write makes me feel as if I am the character. It's very enticing :)

I don't see how getting your blood drawn hurts more than the IV... You can't even feel it when they draw your blood, but you can feel the IV. What hurts more is when they push blood into your veins. Yes, that hurts like a bloody bitch.

After this chapter, I am beginning to have a craving for ice cream. Haha. I do like Nate for making her feel like she is not just some crazy patient he is taking to a psychiatric hospital. I hope he sees her again even after she is transferred. I shall read more when I get the chance.

I truly did enjoy reading this :) and there is still so many questions I have that are yet to be answered. That is what makes a great writer. Keeping the good shit until the end!

i really like this, i hope you continue it!