And If The Sun Comes Up - Comments

Braddington:

I'm about halfway through this one; today I'm really busy so I'll have to get back and read the rest when I'm free.

Again, this isn't something that I'd pick up and personally read, but I really liked the first few chapters to this. It's intruiging, and brings the reader into the story quickly without being blunt. It doesn't drag or move too fast, either. It also looks like there's a plot developing.
To say this is a first time Mibba story, it's actually quite good, too.

Thank you, again, for your thorough critique so far. Your comments are very much appreciated and I find that I look forward, with eager anticipation, to what you're going to write next.

I'm about halfway through this one; today I'm really busy so I'll have to get back and read the rest when I'm free.

Again, this isn't something that I'd pick up and personally read, but I really liked the first few chapters to this. It's intruiging, and brings the reader into the story quickly without being blunt. It doesn't drag or move too fast, either. It also looks like there's a plot developing.
To say this is a first time Mibba story, it's actually quite good, too.

comment swapperino!
Well, it's not something I would voluntarily read, it's not my cup of tea, but your writing is actually pretty good. The plot seems sort of interesting, although, like I said, it's not something I usually look for. But good job, I found your descriptions very enticing and flowy, if that's even a word xD

insidethedevilseyes:

from just reading the summary im asking myself, does she love him or does she fall in love with him?
i continue reading and i see that hes a vampire. i wish my guy friend was a vampire that would be awesome ! this story is intriguing and i wanna keep reading more.
im sure excited. and are you going to write a sequel?
im sure this story is gonna want me to read more and more haha .

I'm really not sure about a sequel; I never really wrote it with that in mind. I don't know whether a sequel would translate all that well. We'll see though; never say never!

saveyourheart12:

The ending made me sad. :c
But, I don't understand why she wasn't sad about his death? I thought she lived him! :o
Or maybe I'm just being slow.
Anyways, you're a great writer.
& I'm looking forward to reading other stories by you!

She was incredibly sad but at the same time knew that Jake wouldn't really have wanted to drain her. The real Jake would never have wanted that at all! So she did what she thought was right at the time.

Thank you so much for your wonderful comment. I sincerely appreciate the feedback. It's great to know that people are reading, and in some cases, liking it enough to comment.

You're a star!

The ending made me sad. :c
But, I don't understand why she wasn't sad about his death? I thought she lived him! :o
Or maybe I'm just being slow.
Anyways, you're a great writer.
& I'm looking forward to reading other stories by you!

from just reading the summary im asking myself, does she love him or does she fall in love with him?
i continue reading and i see that hes a vampire. i wish my guy friend was a vampire that would be awesome ! this story is intriguing and i wanna keep reading more.
im sure excited. and are you going to write a sequel?
im sure this story is gonna want me to read more and more haha .

im loving this story ! i just read the first five chapters and i love how he is a vampire ! i am deff going to keep on reading on !

wey, well this story was amazing
really didnt see the end coming at all.
well done you, was seriously amazing
xx

blackfeather:

Chapter 10 How can he complain about watching The Crow again. It's a religious event in our house every year 31st March - RIP Brandon

a vampire makeover - love that

Same with me, but I thought I'd throw it in to see what people thought.

blackfeather:

ooooh perfect ending, had me in tears too. Absolutely fantastic story Lucy, loved it.

Are you going to write a sequel?

I love the way I have a whole page of your comments to myself :D

I wasn't going to write a sequel, but hey, I may just do that now. At least I know I have one definite reader.

blackfeather:

I've got one tiny complaint so far , just wondering whether 16 year olds really talk like that. It seems a bit grown up and old fashioned. Some of their speech is spot on like:
“What the fu.... What the hell are you doing in here Eleanor? It’s a men’s room which means men only, right Lucas?”

but in chapter 3 where Jake's telling Sophie what happened he tells her a lot of things she would already know about and it comes across as though he's talking to the reader, filling in the back story, rather than explaining the events to his friend.
Hope that makes sense.

When Jake is talking to himself, in his head, it's much more realistic.

Have just seen Twilight and have a picture of Jasper and Alice in my head when I think about Eleanor and Lucas. :-)

Yes, this feedback makes lots of sense hun. This was my first story on here and I admit I made a few mistakes but I feel that I have learned from them. I read it back the other day and the comments that you've put on confirm what I thought already, and yes, Eleanor & Lucas do remind me of Jasper and Alice; uncanny eh?

Thanks for your whole page of comments. You seriously have made my Bob's Year Eve!

Love you and yours

ooooh perfect ending, had me in tears too. Absolutely fantastic story Lucy, loved it.

Are you going to write a sequel?

I love the way I have a whole page of your comments to myself :D

Chapter 12: His reflection in the mirror was faded and almost see-through in comparison to my solid one. The literature I’d read since Jake had been turned said that vampire’s have little or no visible reflection at all, but I wasn’t expecting it to be honest so it came as quite a shock.

Nice detail and description throughout this chapter. I think this is your best one so far and I loved the romance. *sighs* I might re-read this one again lol

Chapter 10 How can he complain about watching The Crow again. It's a religious event in our house every year 31st March - RIP Brandon

a vampire makeover - love that

I've got one tiny complaint so far , just wondering whether 16 year olds really talk like that. It seems a bit grown up and old fashioned. Some of their speech is spot on like:
“What the fu.... What the hell are you doing in here Eleanor? It’s a men’s room which means men only, right Lucas?”

but in chapter 3 where Jake's telling Sophie what happened he tells her a lot of things she would already know about and it comes across as though he's talking to the reader, filling in the back story, rather than explaining the events to his friend.
Hope that makes sense.

When Jake is talking to himself, in his head, it's much more realistic.

Have just seen Twilight and have a picture of Jasper and Alice in my head when I think about Eleanor and Lucas. :-)

Ok my turn to compliment you. Have just read chapter one and am already hooked. You have made a really good start to this story introducing your character and your time shift back to Sophie's school days was handled very well. Also, it's great you haven't given too much away with what's wrong with Jake and left it at a point which makes me want to continue, which I am now going to do lol.

AlmostFamous:

OMG!!! This is a really well planned out story! Haven't seen one like this for a long time! I'm only half way through, but I'll finish when I can.
Just one little thing, the language seems a little formal for 16 year olds, but other than that, I really like it and am enjoying it!

Point taken about the language, but believe it or not, I was bought up to speak properly and maybe that shows through the story a little too much, but hey ho. Thank you so much for the comment, It always means so much to me when let me know how I;m doing; kind of makes it all worth while.

OMG!!! This is a really well planned out story! Haven't seen one like this for a long time! I'm only half way through, but I'll finish when I can.
Just one little thing, the language seems a little formal for 16 year olds, but other than that, I really like it and am enjoying it!