Prom - Comments

There were quite a few spelling errors throughout this whole thing. The kid's name goes from Tommy to Timmy... which I found confusing. It makes the story seem rushed and unprofessional. The story was vague, with no backstories and not much detail. I believe you could have described everything a lot more. Your sentence fluency also needs some work. It sort of sounded robotic and bland.

I also found it a bit strange when Cameron just randomly throws a bitch-fit. It was like, Evan gets in a fight and she just... breaks down. It really made no sense to me. I agree with the last commenter when she says Tommy or Timmy or whatever should have had some sort of a backstory. Give an example of when he was bullied.

However, this was a great idea and it was fun to read. With a few revisions, this could be a really awesome story. :D

Firstly, I know I am a jerk for saying this, but customised layouts are so much more attractive. Maybe this is still in beginning stages, or maybe you're not really into layouts, but I think it could benefit from a bit of professionalism in that respect. For some readers, presentation has a huge impact, and so it's always better to err on the side of caution, in my opinion.

Secondly, with regard to the summary:

Prom is always bound to have some sort of drama but when one kid brings a gun things will never be the same...

This seems a little obvious, and thus cheesy. It's all good until you get up toe the bit about, 'things will never be the same...' Not only is this an over-used, cliche kind of line, but the fact that a gun is involved is already a pretty huge tip-off about the fact that something shocking will go down. Consider making a different observation- maybe one that goes to the shooter's motivation, or the expectations of the other characters.

Substantially, I think your plot is fine. You also move the story along nicely, and flesh it out to about the right extent. Therefore, stylistically, nothing is wrong. I would recommend, however, that you go over this once more for simple errors- things 'some' instead of 'same' in the opening paragraph.

Particular parts could also benefit from a bit more emotion, just if you wanted to improve it further. For example:

I was a freshman in high school when a drunk driver hit her car and killed her.

This is very matter-of-fact, without any explanation of why the protagonist seems so cold about it. Could it be described with a bit more impact, perhaps? Or could you explain why the narrator is able to be so detached about it? Are they a cynical person?

Likewise:

Tommy’s been a target for bullying all through high school.

Examples would really flesh out the drama in this scene. Maybe we could know a bit more of his back story?

Anyway, this is fairly good, but there are just a few things I think you could do to make it better, if you wanted to. Overall, it was easy to read, and I wish you the best with it!