Creep - Comments

I love the characters and the concept. Incredibly good read! c:

This was such a cute story

I just did a word count. That comment is 1,566 words. :O

Wow I don't I feel like a weinie for writing a tiny two line comment after that monster of a comment above me -,-
But yeah I was happy that she had gotten over her anger and "aw"ed when they decided to go out and were having a great time then she just RUNS off and I'm like "no wait! Where are you going? Ahhh get the hell back in there woman!"

Even when vampire stories were "in" I wasn't much for them but this is great
It's odd and I like it, I subscribed and look forward to the next update

Oh good lord, Emily. I WAS SO BEHIND. FIVE CHAPTERS BEHIND. This is probably going to be the longest comment of all time. And I'm typing this on my iPod, so I hope you appreciate this lots because it's going to take forever. Just to see how long it takes - I started typing this at 8 AM exactly.

Five - This chapter came as an incredible shock. I knew that they would be forced together somehow, but by marriage.? That's incredibly wild. I agree with her, though - it is the most stupid and pulled out of somebody's ass law ever. And the fact that already married people can't change their spouse? Totally and completely stupid. I was seriously like WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL? Silly vampire lawmakers need to get real and stop being stupid.

But I felt so bad for Hariette (if that's not spelled right, I'm sorry. I've never been able to spell that name and as I said, I'm typing this on my iPod. Otherwise I would go and look.) and Tom both. Having to marry someone you hate and that ruined your life is probably one of the hardest things anyone would ever have to do. She's an incredibly strong person and the love for her mother really, really shines through in this chapter.

Six - This chapter made me feel disgusted with how the humans treat the vampires. But in a way, it's awesome. Usual vampire stories have the humans fearing the vampires and shying away from them. But ohohoho no, not Emily's fantastic story. You've got humans looking down on vampires like how most humans look at homeless people in real life. Like they aren't worthy of anything.

I couldn't imagine feeling as if I were less than nothing and then having the entire human society hating me and shunning me for something that was out of my power and control. The conflict with human vs society is absolutely delightful in this story.

I couldn't help but laugh when the guard said that Tom would have to go to jail for some time, though. The way I heard it and read it was that he meant quite a bit of time - like a year or something. But when he said forty eight hours, I lost it. I literally cracked up because of how dramatic I pictured the guard being. I always have a habit of making things far more dramatic while reading.

The last part made me feel bad for Tom, though. I'm a forgiving person that can't stay mad at people to save my life. So to feel as if she's going to make his life a living hell made me feel so bad for him - more so than I already did. I just wanted to hug him and keep him and love him.

Seven - Wow, and I thought my dad was bad. How could one SAY that to their child? "Don't call this number again." How much of an asshole are you, bro? Oh yeah, that's right. You're a whole asshole. I could have told him to suck my dick and I don't even have one. That was a wonderful way to start out the chapter though. It got me fired up and ready for action from the start.

I like how you're making it clear that they DON'T live in style at all. Most people would be like "LOL, SOCIETY H8S DEM ND SHYT BUT DEY LIVE IN A CONDO ON DA BEACH WITH 268435774388743 DOLLARS WORTH OF FANCY ASS FURNITURE AND STUFF AND EVERYTHING IS LYKE TOTES NICE BUT EVERYONE H8S DEM SO LOVE THEM!!!!"

You're definitely not like that with this at all. Which makes your plot and character developments all the more real. It's nothing short of absolutely brilliant. You've not over done it with making it obvious they don't live in style, it's just the little things. Like the brown couch that looked like it had had bleach on it in certain spots. I just adored that description.

I can't imagine the feelings one would have about the story that was on the news. Especially when it was SO far from the truth. I think that it would break my heart and send me into a frenzy of emotions. But I'm sure that's actually how she felt.

Is this the chapter where Tom apologizes? I believe it is. I've absorbed so much information and now I'm reflecting on it all and the chapters are running together on me. D: But I'm pretty sure it is.

I thought it was incredibly mature and just right of Tom to apologize the way that he did. I got a little misty eyed when he said he wanted to make someone feel like he did. That made me want to take him home with me even more. HE'S SO MISUNDERSTOOD. I JUST WANT TO LOVE HIM!

And at the end when she just went in her room and closed the door er, slammed the door. I could have cried because I felt so bad for Tom. HE WAS TRYING. And she was just being a douche. I know he messed up her life completely, BUT STILL. Once again, here's my "unable to hold onto anger" shining through again. I am such a weenie.

Eight - If I'm ever going to cry through out this story, I think that this one will be it. Oh my god, I just think that I lost it. I had so many conflicting emotions running through me that it was insane.

I feel so bad for her because she has turned angry and bitter about everything. She just sounds so cynical and negative. Alex doesnt want anyone to feel that way, especially seeing as she was such a good person before. I felt the emotions seeping over to me and I myself felt like one negative bastard.

I can't believe she'd not even touched someone in like, five weeks or however long it was. If I don't hug, hold hands with, or even just high five someone at least ONCE EVERY DAY then I'm about as starved for physical attention as she is. I'm an incredibly physical person that thrives on other people, so I couldn't last like she did. I would have cracked a long, long time before that.

I think it's depressingly funny the way Tom reacts when she actually speaks to him. It's like he definitely knows that he's walking on egg shells with her, so he doesnt know what to do. He's so used to being shoved away, being alone. And then she speaks to him? The look on his face in my head was absolutely priceless. I could just see it as plain as day.

But I was SO happy and proud that she was going to work on forgiving him. She was right, using all of your time to hate someone DOES make you physically ill. It's something absolutely horrible to do to yourself and no one should become that obsessed with hatred. So I was happy to learn that she's tired of feeling that way and is going to work on forgiving him.

And when she crawled up on his lap? OH DEAR JESUS EXCUSE ME WHILE I PICK MY JAW UP OFF OF THE FLOOR! I was definitley not expecting that to happen and when it did I literally gasped. That whole part was just SO emotional. I could hear her sobs and his whisperings of apologies and reassurances in her ear. I could see them awkwardly sitting, touching. It was just wonderfully done and took my breath away. It was so simple, but represented something so much bigger. It was a breaking point. And I'm excited to see what else follows.

Nine - This chapter made me smile pretty big. Just because it was so out of the blue and not hateful feeling. I can tell that she truly is trying to make Tom mean something to her and not just hate him and be disgusted by the very thought of him.

In all honesty, this chapter was incredibly cute in the weirdest of ways. I can't explain it. I want them to love each other so badly I can't stand it. I'm a hopeless romantic so I think everyone should love everyone and just fall head over heels in love. I love the feeling of love and I want everyone go feel it. Even if they are just two freakishly realistic characters in an awesome story.

But when the club was mentioned how it was like a bar, that is definitely not the dancing I was imagining. I was thinking fist pumping, pelvic thrusts, and bumping and grinding. So when they come our with basically this ballroom dancing shit, I can't help but laugh a little. It was just too funny in my head.

I got so happy yet sad towards the end, though. I mean, she's starting to maybe realize that Tom is CUTE or something and then she was to run off. I literally said "Don't be a whore" outloud when it said that she ran off. I THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER BREAK THROUGH. But no, she had to be a hussy and ruin it.

But this was still probably one of my favorite chapters because of the cuteness that was in it. <3

So if you cannot obviously tell, I freaking love this story. Probably more so than any story I have ever read on this site. I felt like a total douche bag for not reading / commenting in so long. School and my own writing has controlled me lately. But it was nice to just sit down and read my favorite story. This is just too remarkable for words. I'm in love and I promise to start being a better commenter. YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS, EMILY.

Yeah. Expect better and more reliable comments. And I'm going to start whoring this in every journal BECAUSE THIS GEM HAS NOT GOTTEN ENOUGH LOVE IN MY OPINION. And I shall damn near break my neck to get this thing ten stars before you finish it. You deserve it. :')

I think I'm finished now... I have typed so much and my battery (which was half full when I started) is now down to 20% remaining. It is currently 8:48 as I'm typing this and I'm going to word count check this when I'm on a real computer. Now it's 8:49. ALMOST AN HOUR OF COMMENTING. I FEEL ACCOMPLISHED.

i like it and love how you write

Eeep! I'm so glad you updated this!
I love the last chapter you did. Your writing style is so unique and I love the story line too! Sorry for the short comment but, I reallt don't know what else to say. This is amazing and i love, love, love it! It's unlike any other vampire story I have read before. <3
Keep up the great work! :D

I just finished reading the rest of what you have written. I really hope you continue writing more, I have so many questions about right now. lol :)

I really like the way your write, I always seem to wonder what is going to happen next. Please keep wriring. I <3 this story!!

I'm not a fan of the pattern in the background but that doesn't matter much.

Honestly first chapter I said to myself ooh I'm liking this I enjoy that it leaves me questioning but not to the extent that it makes me annoyed =]

The end of the second chapter made me laugh lol I liked it

I'm subbing that's all there is to it =]

I've only read three chapters so far, but I like the way the story is going.

Layout- I like thelayout alot, the colour choices makes the story easy to read.

Summary- You have really good grammar ans spelling. I like the way it was written, it doesn't give away too much information.

Chapter One- Interesting title. There is a nice amount of detail and you start to paint a picture in your head. I like how yo spaced out the paragraphs. It's easy to read and that makes it enjoyable to read.

Chapter two- While reading you start to get a really good idea of what the character is feeling and why she feels the way she does. I liked the line " To see if I was human , it makes you wonder how dangerous the vampires really are. I like the feelings that are present for Tom and the main character.

Chapter three- The first paragraph really builds a suspence and sets a good mood for the rest of the chapter. It was nice that you included Tom's background story, this gives the reader more information and you feel sorry for him and what has happened. I wonder how her father and her mother will react to her being bit by Tom.

Yay for updates!!!
Amazingness. I like the artificial blood, very realistic.
<3

~GiGi

Wow, when I first read the summary I was like, "oh great, another one of those Twilight rip-off stories. This is gonna be lame.' But then I started to read it and by the 3rd chapter I was like, 'wow, this is actually really good.' It a really original idea and it's definetly one of my favorites now. I've seen a lot of vampire stories, and arranged marriage vampire stories, and usually when a story has the word vampire in the summary I just pass it by, but this is definetly one of my favorite vampire stories now. I love how you kept the vampires close to what the original one's were like and didn't go all Stephanie Meyer and make them sparkle in the sun and look like god's, so great job. Can't wait for the next chapter! =)

HAHA!!! love it!! can't wait for the next chapter!!!

Ok well your comment on mine was so great I hope mine is good too :)
So to start off the title was interesting and it drew me in. I liked the summary and the picture again drew me in. However when I was reading the story the background kinda distracted me I may be alone on this but I just felt it took away from the effect of te story. So I was confused during the first chapter although I sense I was supposed to be so that works out then. It all started to fit together in the third chapter. The character relationships are kept interesting it tells a lot about them without telling by "showing"
All in all great job

This is incredibly readable. I get that your style here is just simple and narrative, so I won't comment much on that. Very occasionally, you use a word like 'literally' that isn't needed, but not often. Generally, it's just straightforward and it works.

What I really liked about this is the idea. I haven't seen something before where vampires live on reservations, and are being dealt with in the same way as oppressed minorities by a government. I would really like to know more about the political aspect of this. You describe the fact that the reservations are popping up more frequently, but it would be nice to know more about how the community is responding to this. Is there panic? Do people try to attack the reservations? How is the disease spreading when vampires are supposed to be contained? Does the fact that it is still spreading mean that the reservations don't work very well as a quarantine, and does this in turn make people annoyed with the authorities, or scared for the future?

In terms of structure, I feel like your chapters are a good length, although the second one could probably be split in half. This is more because it comprises of two distinct parts than for any other reason.

Also, having read your author's note about the third chapter, I just wanted to say that your choice to integrate more of the character's back story there was a good one. I think that chapter is probably the best one you have up, for this reason.

Well done!

I like that you update quite often. It brightens my day and gives me something to do. Plus I just get so excited to read more!

Chapter three was brilliant. It told me a lot, yet still kept mystery behind it to make me ask even more questions! Oh how they fill my head and dance around crazily as I read on. Usually in stories I get so disgustingly bored with longer chapters because I have the attention span of a fruit fly and can't focus. But not with this; oh no - my eyes never leave the screen and I'm so focused I could probably hurt myself. I can see everything so vividly clear and that just really makes me want to read more because it seems so real. The diction you have is out of this world - even the little words and the way you word things just really sets my senses on fire. I can hear, see, feel, and smell absolutely everything. I can't tell you a handful of stories besides this one that can have that huge effect on me. You're quite a brilliant writer. You should never, ever stop.

I'm not going to lie, though, Tom gives me the heebie jeebies. Like, mega time. But I think that's what you were going for. . .so good job! The bitter, angry emotions just roll off of him in waves. And turns out he has every right to feel this way. His story absolutely broke my heart. I just wanted to hug him, even if he totally is a creep. And I absolutely loved the line 'It was the saddest story ever told by the angriest man I'd ever met.' I kid you not when I tell you that it gave me chills down my spine. It was so simple, yet so breath-takingly powerful and strong. I honestly feel so terrible for Tom.

You've a very personal writing style. Like, it seems that you really dive into your characters mind when you write. Which is a brilliant skill that not many authors seem to posses. I get an overwhelming feel for Harriett and how she sees and views things. 1st person POV is always my favorite and you execute it flawlessly. This is what 1st person POV should be. Personal, raw, and real.

The ending also gave me the heebie jeebies. I could hear the acid in Tom's voice when he said 'I am not a creep!' - I hate to break it to him, but he kind of sort of is. Okay scratch that, definitely is. And you cliff-hung me like a champ, darling. I was like "WHAT IS THIS? I KNOW SHE DID NOT JUST CLIFF HANG ME!" I swear to god I legitimately gasped out loud when she blacked out. And then it ended? Dear God! You're just determined to constantly bring me back for more, aren't you?!

As always, this was a disgustingly perfect update. I look forward to chapter four more than you know. (;

Oh dear, you will definitely love me by the time this story is over if you love people who leave comments. Because I plan on leaving plenty of them. :')

The second chapter was splendid. Splendid isn't even a lovely enough word to describe it, really. It was just absolutely brilliant. I love how you jumped right into the action and presented her mother and Tom from the get-go. It was far better than you dragging on 20 chapters about her inner struggle of if she should disobey her father or not. Your descriptions of Tom and her mother are very lovely as well. They're very strong and actually very morbid and creepy. I could see their eyes very sharply and clearly. Honestly, they rather freaked me out. But that is fantastic, I loved every second of it. Just like I'm loving every second of this. I just can't get over how quickly I've fallen in love with this. I like how bitter and angry Tom seems. He seems like he could open up a can of whoop ass at any moment and wouldn't hesitate to put a baby in a microwave. It makes him a very strong, realistic character. Hell, all of the characters are strong and realistic, but you know what I mean.

And the overall heartfelt feeling I got while reading this was astounding. I could just feel the love between Harriett and her mother. It made my heart swell because of the utter bond I felt between them. Her mother seems like such a lovely woman - making what happened to her that much more of a tragedy. It was just refreshing because I don't usually see or feel strong bonds between parent and child in stories. Usually the parent is an asshole or the kid is an asshole or they're both assholes and it just makes up for an asshole filled story. But this isn't. And I like that. Her mother reminds me somewhat of my own mother when I was reading the part about Harriett's hair. My mother is the same way and that part just made me smile.

If I haven't told you yet or made it clear, I adore this story. It is definitely creeping its way to number one in my heart of favorite Mibba stories. I think I'll go add you to my favorite authors tab (which takes a lot to do, by the way. I've been here two years and I've only 2 people on that list. It's not something I take lightly.) But yes. I love this! I can't wait for chapter three.

Oh! And I'm also looking forward to you explaining the disease more so in depth and how Sandra fell with it as well as Tom. I'm all about back stories and details such as that. I'm seriously giddy with love of this story. <3

I kind of don't want to think about how long this is. I'm sure I've fan-girled enough for one chapter. :') Please, do keep up the lovely work. <3

I like the idea. Ive never been one for vampire stories, but this is different. Having it be an infection/sickness, and them living in a guarded community. Its more like a mutation than a Twilight or whatever sort of story, haha. Its unique and I actually really enjoy it so far.

Just one thing in the character section. The name is bolded "Jack" but the description says "Tom." I just noticed that the third time at looking into that section xD nothing big, just something you might want to know.

The layout and summary are simply just amazing. You captured so many words in such a little space, and I adore you for that.

I love you. By you, I mean I really love the imagery you've put into this. I absolutely adore your style, and I absolutely adore what you've set us up with. I'm already excited to see where this story is going.

I can't say anything else.
Subbing.