Pumped Up Kicks. - Comments

For the layout, I'll suggest making the text lighter it's a bit hard to read. Alright, lemme just say you immediately got my attention right from the very first sentence. I like how you immediately started off the story with a statement that I'm pretty sure all of us can relate/agree with. I also like you after your rather ominous statement at the start of the story, you went on with the story, giving it a rather mundane setting and I must say, I wasn't expecting what was going to happen. I also like that you subtly weave in the descriptions of what the characters look like and what they're wearing rather than just stating it, it gives a really natural feel. I just wanted to point out something:
“Mr. Simpson, I’ll be taking over from here.” I announced, walking to the front of the room.
You wrote that, and there should be a comma instead of a period. A period only follows when there is no dialogue tag afterwards.
But wow, that was amazing. Though I must wonder why Robert is going around carrying a gun and threatening to shoot them, he didn't seem insane or depressed. I hope you get a good mark :)

That was brilliant. I hope you got an A+ on that. Everything was just so well written and the simplicit of the layout didn't take away from the story. Overall it was just fantastic and Robert is just whoa (in a good way of course).

The last sentence seemed very powerful. It wrapped up the story nicely.
I love the way you described everything. You didn't go overboard with the details but the reader still got a clear picture of what they were supposed to.

Just one thing. "Why is Mr. Simpson so hairy?” I paused, glancing at the teacher as he awkwardly rubbed his gorilla arms." This line made me laugh...but the main charcter had just taken out a gun and threatened to shoot the students. I felt like it didn't really fit the mood, I guess.

Anyways, you overall did a fantastic job on this. You're writing was beautiful.
My entire class is currently obsessing over this song. Its pretty amazing, just sayin. :D

Also, I'm sorry. I forgot to do spellcheck before I posted this. It should have been absolutely not absulutly.

I only read the first paragraph and knew I was going to like this. I absulutly love how you described how he looked. Most people just throw it in there, but yours blends.

""Why is Mr. Simpson so hairy?” I paused, glancing at the teacher as he awkwardly rubbed his gorilla arms." This part made me laugh my butt off. Everything was so serious, and then boom. I really love this so far. It's so original and I haven't read something like this before.

This was amazing, but I do think that it went by a little rushed. I think you could put a little more detail in the middle, and also explain why he is the way he is. Other than that, it's amazing. :3 It's beautiful and dark and tells such a beautiful story beyond what you wrote.

Great job, love. :)

Oh, Wow. That was... brilliant. The character was truly disturbed. Like he felt like what he was doing was justice. He really did come off as insane.

Anyway, your writing style is gorgeous. It all flowed really well.

If I had to pick a favorite line it would be

They say you can’t judge a book by it’s cover, because the words inside might surprise you.

Pretty awesome, that line is. And so true.

You did an amazing job. I'm assuming you got an A for this ;)

Wow if this was for a creative writing class I hope you got over a 100 on it because this is amazing. You really caught my attention with the short description and the first paragraph. I like the layout too nice and simple but it fits the story well. This is amazing!

Why is Mr. Simpson so hairy?” I love that line I’m sure it wasn’t supposed to but it made me laugh its just a very funny line

Hours passed like minutes. Sweat and tears dripped down my classmates faces like rain.

What happened in them hours wouldn’t they have had to switch classes new kids coming in the room? Shouldn’t what I am assuming is a boy have already done the deed.

I could have ended it at all. I could have been happy.

Was just wondering should that at be there if so it makes the sentence look kind of funky, just a thought on something you might want to change

Your layout is nice and simple eyes on the eys yet it goes along with the theme of the story I think well.

The plot is really good I like it a lot actually. But the story its self leaves something to be desired or maybe I should say it leaves you wanting more and its got a lot of questions I hope you'll maybe make this in to a full blown story exsplain why like I said before I'm assuming its a he.

Planned this in his head, who called the swat, whats going to happen to him now that he's been caught, anyway great story loved it.

Much <3 Kat.

Oh my.. Wow. This was so beautiful in such an honest, stark way. You have such a brilliant way with words. Your Creative Writing teacher must have fallen out of their chair in awe. If not, he/she is an idiot. Man. I only read a one shot because of I don't have much time but I can promise you that I'll be reading a lot more of your stuff. You're crazy talented.

You captivated my attention completely. A lot of people attempt to write stories about suicide and do it all wrong, but I think you pretty much nailed it. Great job. (: