Reflection - Comments

Hi, I'm the new judge for You Already Have It (Pre-Writes) under Mibba's Contest Revival and this is me judging your entry. Thank you for your patience! I comment as I go, so if it's a little disorganized, I apologize (although, I am making an attempt to keep the comment organized).

I wasn’t sure what I was expecting of your story, maybe something longer, but definitely not something short with a deep meaning. Honestly. But it’s good! Your story is among the several I wish were longer and would go into more detail, character development, starting with Erica’s geeky-self and ending with the version of herself that she worked hard to achieve and is proud. Showing that journey. Essentially, writing what should be between those two chapters.

However, it’s still good. I like the message and your writing is good and you could probably write something really wonderful – maybe the longer version of this? ;) But don’t force yourself to write anything longer. Only do it if you want to. It won’t come out the way you want it to if you force it.

Good luck in the contest!

Adore the banner<3

Summary: it captivated me and really made me interested. Good job.

Ch. 1: I liked this, but you repeated yourself a couple times (like mentioning the fact that the floor was maple twice) and repetition sometimes clogs a story up, especially short ones. Also, there were a few awkward sentences and grammatical mistakes. Maybe do a little editing and reading it out loud would clean it up? Mostly, though, the writing was good and I like your style. You're really good at description.

Ch. 2: the repetition in this was a lot worse. Especially when you're talking about reflection. Maybe cutting some sentences would be a good idea, or rewording them. Reread it and clean it up and it'll be excellent. It's already very good, though. I liked the change in emotion throughout the two chapters and the self-discovery/acceptance/evolution at the end. Despite it being so short, you created a clearly dynamic character and that's hard to pull off. Once again, I like your writing style.

You could easily expand this into a longer story, but only do it if you feel inspired to. Forcing it out won't do any good.

Overall, I liked this. You should be proud of yourself.

first off, love the banner.

the first CH. was a little weird for me, I stumbled through it, I noticed you wrote am with small, isn't it supposed to be in big? I'm not sure :/

second CH was better, sweeter & easier to read, and with remembers in the last part of it, good job :)

Not a bad story, but watch out. You switch tenses in the beginning of the second chapter.

The imagery and descriptions were great and capturing. It was very relatable and relevant to many teenager's lives. I like how it had a positive ending, too. :) Also the layout and banner are great!

One thing: I saw a few run-on sentences / grammatical errors in the first chapter. Nothing major, only a few commas missing here and there. :)

Overall a really nice story!

I like the imagery in this and you get sort of a feel of how the character is just by her routine. I'll admit though, it's a bit dull to begin with it, there's no hook that really makes me want to keep reading. There's nothing really interesting about a girl getting ready for school, so I think you should start with something, maybe just an ideal or an action piece, just something that will catch the reader's attention. I feel like the premise, just from the summary, is something you can really work with but you don't really mention much about it in the first chapter, which is really important.

I like how she isn't fantastically beautiful though, I think that gives her a relatable quality that makes this a lot more enjoyable to read because a lot of girls can identify with her. :)

I love the layout and I really like the quote in the summary. It's a nice addition to the story and it fits with the story perfectly.

It's an interesting how you can hold someone's attention even though the character did not speak at all. The description was very good. I also though it was also an interesting choice to leave her name out of it until the end.

First of all the layout is to die for. The story banner is absolutley beautiful and the background fits in very well. The quote was a nice touch.

A few things:

cowing it down- or chowing it down?

which my number one – which is my number one, would sound much better.

was determine to change - determined

pass my - past

you never can be perfect – it would flow better as: you can never be perfect

I felt like you were giving me a pep talk about looking at myself in the mirror. It is an inspirational piece. Though some of it was a bit off, like when you talk about eating the pop tart, getting in the shower and then eating the pop tart again…that was a bit confusing or I just didn’t read it right. I really liked this and I may look at myself differently in the mirror now.

:)

I really love this. The details and imagery are so gorgeous; I swear, I could see this as a movie, just by your descriptions. I liked the change in this character, how she changes her view of herself at the end of the story. I can totally relate to this sometimes, when one day, I feel really pretty, and the next, I get stuck in this ugly rut that I can't get out of. Anyways, this is very pretty and I enjoyed this. I don't understand why this doesn't have as much comments as it should deserve; it's lovely and encouraging and inspiring. Beautiful job! <3

I loved this. I can relate to wanting to make a new image for myself and I always feel guilty because it seem shallow to want to change but I can't help it. This story shows the pride in it and how it's okay to want to change for the better, only you have to see it first. This was really good.

I love this. I love all the detail you put in it. It's great imagery. I like the idea of the girl looking into the mirror and seeing a "new" self. It all floated perfectly and this is one of my favorite drabbles that I've read on here:) Overall, amazing plot and description.

I honestly love everything about this. You've got a beautiful sense of descriptive language as well as just an overall lovely writing style. The only recommendation I have is to spell out the '5 am' and I feel like 'morning' is a given since it's in the am so maybe put waking up at five am every day? Just a suggestion. :)

Hm. I liked this. I liked how the character changed throughout, and how she found herself beautiful in the end. To be honest I thought this would be one of those stories about a girl with an eating disorder. But it wasn't. It was encouraging, and I like that. There were a few grammatical errors, as well as spelling errors, though I didn't find it absolutely ruined the story. You're a good writer, and you should be proud of this. (: