Her Diamonds - Comments

So very well written. I loved it as soon as I read the summary.
It's so touching =]

Wow, this made me tear up. Chapter 6 was like a huge chapter for this story. It feels like we're following a patient who has cancer, like a documentary I mean. I even teared up as I read it. It does happen, Chemo doesn't have a 100% success rate. From what I've seen, people end up looking worse.

It actually kills not only the cancer cells, but also the ones that are supposed to be fighting the cancer. That's why sometimes people die faster. I know this because my mom's friend studied natural medicines or something in school.

It kills me that it spread to her leg, I have a feeling she's not gonna be able to make it.

Your writing is lovely, by the way. You have no grammar mistakes and the story is just calm. I like that he was listening to a song that related to what he was going through.

I've been subscribed to this story for some time now. Please keep updating. This is a keeper.

This is a hard story to read, as I have a lot of friends that go through cancer. You did so amazing with explaining all the feelings that someone who's loved one is going through cancer would feel. I actually teared up in the first chapter, because finding out is always the hardest part of battling cancer, and I could feel his emotions so strongly through your words. You did so good with the emotional part of this story, I can't imagine what it would be like if one of my very close family members ever got cancer.

First of all, sorry it took forever! I had to go to an appointment with my mama.

Anyway, dude, this story. First of all, I think I've said this before, I'm glad you're writing a story that has this much meaning. It means alot to the people who have been through it personally or have seen people who are going through it. It's something tough and you need so much strength to pull through. Whether you are the one going through it or a friend or family.

Your grammar is amazing. I think this story should be published and I'm not just saying that. This is one of those stories that inspires other writers. And I believe that this is the best story in mibba. Not only does it help those who are going through it, but it also tells them that they're not alone.

You need to keep this up. I'm subscribed. I enjoy every word in this. It comes so naturally. Like you don't even have to try. Great update.

I haven't read in a while. This is a very emotional and realistic story. I like that. My last comment was a bit blah. But, I really appreciate stories like this. It tells what most people are going through and it doesn't sugar coat it. I have two family friends that are currently going through a hard time with cancer. One only has 3 more months, the other was given a year in the beginning of this year. It's heart breaking to learn that someone has cancer. Much yet someone you love, like your step mom/wife like this story.

I thank you for being a great writer and having amazing grammar. Sorry I'm not as jittery as I usually am, I'm in pain. Anyway, you need to finish this. I can guarantee that this will be a big hit here in Mibba.

Loving this story. I think you have the atmosphere of a hospital dead on, pointing out all the little things like the muffins etc. Also I like the detail that went on with the pills and process of the chemo, makes it sound much more realistic like you sound like you know what you're talking about.
I also love how this is all in such a short space of time, its really dragged (in a good way) which creates more suspense and makes us want to read on and I think that people who've been affected by cancer or those around them have will really be able to empathize with this and have an affect on them too (Never having had cancer I'm not really sure about the processes of chemo etc, but I guess thats a lucky thing). And I love that their is someone called Lisa in it because thats my name! xD
Just a little spelling mistake on chapter one where you put 'draing' which I assume was meant to be draining but other than that its great! Keep going! :) x

I have to say that I absolutely love your writing style. It's so easy to read and it keeps my attention, which can be very hard to do. Your summary really drew me in, made me think very hard about what you had said, which is also somewhat difficult to do.

You have an amazing way of describing things and know when to add small hints of detail. I am so glad that you swapped me for this story. It's touching and I feel as if I can somewhat relate to what Gary is thinking. Great job. :)

It's really good. I mean it.
I know someone with cancer, She just turned four.
It's a touching story.

Wow, this is so emotional. I love it. I can't imagine how the man feels... It makes me want to cry. I love his character, so much.

The grammar and spelling is fine, but I would suggest using more commas. Also, near the beginning of the first chapter, the paragraphs were shorter, and at the end, they got really long. I think its better to sort of make all of the paragraphs a similar length. Also, at some points, I think you go on about his physical actions for too long and it becomes slightly redundant when each sentence begins with 'I'. I like to separate sentences like these with thoughts or dialogue, just because it flows better.

Subscribed :3

Good second chapter!

Before I made the phone calls I decided to go check on Nancy again. Before I went back to her room I stopped at the hospital cafeteria to grab a Coffey and a muffin.

This is repetitive, both sentences starting with 'before.'

As I was walking down the hall to Nancy's room a small nurse ran passed me and into the room Nancy was in.

This, too, is repetitive. "As I was walking down the hall, a nurse ran past me and into the room Nancy was in."

The grammar is off, as well, with the dialogue.

"Everything is fine Gary." The nurse replied in a somewhat harsh tone.

This should be:

"Everything is fine, Gary," the nurse replied in a somewhat harsh tone.

Remember to put commas in a sentence when someone is being addressed like that, and remember to put commas instead of periods when it's dialogue like that. Even if it's a question mark or exclamation point, you still don't capitalize 'the'.

There are a lot of mistakes but those can all be easily fixed. You're doing a really good job with the emotion and moving the story line along. Keep up the good work!

This first chapter is very full of emotion and I really like it. You've done a good job of describing a hard situation and I'm impressed. I like the emotion you've put into it, and the characters are really good. I like that it isn't from the point of view of the person who has cancer, because that seems to usually be how this goes. The layout is also really good, as well. Keep up the good work!

Layout: I have to say, it scared the crap outta me. I wasn't expecting that. I liked the last one better, it went more with the story.

I think you have a good thing going here. I love how it's coming from the husband's point of view. I think that makes it alot more interesting. I'm not used to reading things from a man's view, I like it.

Keep writing, I like this one. Let me know when you're updating.

this is amazing :). i love this i cant wait to read more:)

Aww, this was such an emotional piece and I can totally sympathise with that, it hurts to see someone you love go, even if they had been sick for a while and it's not a surprise...but it still hurts. This can definitely relate to so many people because as a commenter had mentioned previously, I'm pretty sure everyone has known someone or has known of someone with cancer. Cancer's a common illness but oh my, it's a deadly one and it's awful :/

Anyway, moving on. Your writing style is very clear and concise and it flows with such ease, I'm jealous. I really am. I see a few grammatical errors that could be easily picked up with a little bit of proof reading or even Word, but anyway. I'm not going to continually critique your grammar. XD The narrator's emotions just jump off the page, and I can totally feel it. It feels so raw, so realistic and it is definitely reminiscent of how someone would feel after learning that someone whom is very dear to them only has a certain amount of time to live. :/ But anyway, this was a good read and this has great potential! Well done :D

I like it well enough. My only suggestion would be to show rather than tell. You say 'I was crying' alot in the chapter. I would suggest mixing it up a bit with 'tears rolling down my face' kind of things. Just a thought.

Gah! I remember this. (Sorry for the random comment.) Because I've already commented on the first chapter. I shall reread the first chapter and then comment on the next chapter. :3

Chapter One
This is so much better than the first time around. But because I've already said my feelings in my previous comment, I shall say this. Charlie did a good job of editing and you made this chapter even more realistic. I feel so bad about Nancy being in the hospital.

I'm off to read the next chapter. :)

Chapter Two
Awww, this was a very touching! Gary really loves Nancy. <3

I hope they get a happy ending! Please give them a happy ending, Saphire! :O

Again, this chapter was beautiful and displayed a lot of emotions. Now I'm thinking of the movie My Sister's Keeper. Yea, sorry, I tend to plug in random topics into my comment sometimes, but My Sister's Keeper is about a girl with cancer (Leukemia) and how it affects her family.

Anyways, I shall come back and read the third chapter in a bit. :3 I promise. If I don't, then feel free to bug me because I seriously want to read the rest of the chapters. ^_^

I love the title, it's so intriguing and just- fantastic. I'll admit I'm not too fond of the layout, or rather I'm not too fond of the font size used in the layout. If you made it a little smaller it would be much easier to read, in my opinion.

The summary itself was interesting. I loved your use of rhetorics and the quick introduction to the story and emotion, but small mistakes here and there definitely took from the quality. It's just small spelling errors here and there that you'd catch if you used a spell check (Mibba has one if you weren't aware). Quickly brushing over it would make it read a lot more fluently so I suggest you go over it. :)

I found the beginning odd. When I first heard the nurse refer to your protagonist as Gary, I had to re-read the line several times over. You've written the character at the beginning especially to be very feminine. It makes the rest of the chapter rather awkward. You also have a few tense changes and spelling mistakes.

I can go over this all if you want and correct the spelling mistakes and grammatical errors..? The writing itself is great but the small errors here and there really drag it down. I'll read the rest of this later, but I unfortunately have to go and eat my dinner now and I wanted to comment so you didn't think I bailed the swap. I'll read the rest in a wee bit :)

This is really deep though, the emotion is intense and you've got a nice story building. I'm curious to see where this is going to go.

I know everyone makes spelling and grammer mistakes. I know that when you just wrote a story, you're so excited to update it that you miss some mistakes and notice them later. I don't care about that stuff. I do care that it was really good and touching! It was sweet too. Keep it up, Let me know when you've re-written chapter two! I'm excited to read whats next!

Once I read the summery I instantly knew you had something I've seen alot of writers try to write about something so deep but nothing can compete with this keep up the good work I can't wait to see where this goes :)

Wow this actully is amazing
keep on writing this is one of the best stories I have ever read on here xx