Written in the Stars - Comments

Okay, here we go. First off, I was brought here by Comment Swap.
Secondly, I think that this could be a really great story. However, it lacks some rather essential parts. It needs more details. Skipping the days and going straight to the nights, to the dreams, is something you want to try to avoid. How do the dreams affect her daily life? How does it affect her at school? Do her parents/friends notice anything? Does it leave her distracted during class, therefore affecting her grades? What kind of person is Serena, anyway? I get the feeling that Zach may be kind of aloof, but I know nothing about Serena. I also don't know what Serena looks like.
Finally, I need to know more, about the story, itself. Is there anything supernatural, going on here? Is there some big secret? Or is this simply a basic, teenage love story? I've read it all, but, this still isn't clear to me.
I have more to say about this, but I'm not sure you care to know, so I won't type out the rest. If you'd like any sort of tips, help, or advice, let me know, and I'd love to help.
All in all, you have a talent that, if improved upon, could be really impressive. So, keep trying.

Well hello there! Yes, I got this from the comment swap and truth be told! This is actually the first story that I’ve commented on that I actually read and enjoyed!! I really, really, liked it!! It was soooo adorable! And I love the song Written in the Stars. The plot was awesome and Zach seems super sweet and really awesome to Serena! Keep on writing cuz you have talent!

This is amazing!! {Yes, I'm Up At Two Am Reading Mibba Stories!!}

:) :-)