Love the dialogue in your first two chapters. I think you're doing great with describing the dramatic action and I love how your characters seem like real people, rather than just stock creations.
I do want to see more description of the characters. Knowing their personalities is very important, but I want to know what they look like, smell like, and act like. Incorporate the character's bodily features as well as the features they add to themselves - how they do their hair, the clothes they put on. Then during the dramatic action you can add what they sound like and more.
Finally, I really want a setting. What sort of living conditions is Leon in? Clean? Dirty? Is he in a big house or a small apartment? In the middle of the city or in the suburbs? Can you hear the city outside? Can you smell it? If Leon drinks coffee, I want to taste that coffee. If you bring all this together, I know this can become an awesome story.
August 10th, 2012 at 07:24pm
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I do want to see more description of the characters. Knowing their personalities is very important, but I want to know what they look like, smell like, and act like. Incorporate the character's bodily features as well as the features they add to themselves - how they do their hair, the clothes they put on. Then during the dramatic action you can add what they sound like and more.
Finally, I really want a setting. What sort of living conditions is Leon in? Clean? Dirty? Is he in a big house or a small apartment? In the middle of the city or in the suburbs? Can you hear the city outside? Can you smell it? If Leon drinks coffee, I want to taste that coffee. If you bring all this together, I know this can become an awesome story.