Bested by Mia - Comments

This story definitely filled me with emotions! It was incredibly well written and I can almost relate to the younger sisters emotions too. Suicides are very hard, and I cant wait to see where this story goes, and how she deals with this in her life. I also love the layout! It's perfect for the story, and I wish I knew how to make one of my own :D

The white and green don't really mesh well together, in my opinion, I feel like the layout should have a little more colour somewhere. And in the summary casts* and second paragraph, should be a comma not a period.

The beginning was definitely drastic, the first few paragraphs were a little dull and for a bit I wasn't really that interested but the ending was definitely fast-paced. I like that she threw up, mostly because its a realistic reaction to seeing a dead person and a lot of writers just sort of act like it's no big deal other than being sad, but it's also quite... well, disgusting, aha.

I'm not usually one of eating disorder stories, but I like her self-esteem issues that she deals with mostly because I can see how that would be relatable. If anything, I just feel like you should stay away from from actually personifying Bulimia as a person actually telling her what to do since it's really not like that at all. Otherwise, it was a good beginning. :)

i liked the description in the beginning, it was interesting and made you want to know more.It was also interesting that you make it seem that the sister had a bad side, not the good side her parents only saw. When she leaves to go to the bathroom, I liked how you described the whole situation, and how it was all a blur to her as everything happened. I can't imagine what it's like to find a sibling dead but I'm pretty sure you captured that emotion, especially the one of being numb.

Woah. That was dramatic, sad, creepy, and so good at the same time. Just to see her sister in a pool of her own blood in a bath tub seems scandalous. Only thing I notice is you forgot to "to" in "School going suck"

This is utterly brilliant, please keep going.

First Comment!!! YAY!!!

Excellent first chapter!!! can't wait for the second one :)