Black and White Keys - Comments

I know this is unfinished, but I was just really drawn to it. I really like what you've posted so far, and I'd actually love to read more if you ever update this.

First off, the layout is really pretty. The picture is perfect for the story.

I like the name Zayriah. It's definitely unique and something I haven't heard before, but it's unique in the sense it still sounds relatively normal - as opposed to choosing a name that's really out there and odd. The beginning is interesting, I was captivated by it quickly but it felt like some of the dialogue was a bit forced. Especially when Ms Burts tells her "I leave you alone then", which sounds like someone who isn't very good at english would say but from her previous dialogue, you can see that she speaks english fluently. There needs to be a clearer transition from the POVs, it wasn't clear enough for me but maybe if you just added another space it'd be a bit more clearer.

Straight off the bat I find Robert interesting. As all bad boys do. I like the way you end each POV but like I said the transition needs to be clearer. The way that the girls bullied Zayriah was horrible but it seemed fitting for the scene. The ending was fine, a little awkward maybe but I'm definitely curious to know how her audition goes and how she meets Robert. Overall, I liked this :)

Like jailbird. mentioned before me, the transitions were a bit confusing. Maybe you can put in some of those image things to separate the parts or maybe just some dashes? Just something to make it more clear, I suppose.

Onward.

I really like the name Zayriah. It's very unique. The nervousness she feels toward her audition is audible, and I felt it as I read through her POV. The part with the dancing teacher - goodness, I could relate to that. I felt sorry for Zayriah when the other girls were making fun of her.

Robert definitely gives off that bad boy vibe. I like how you described the jacket as ratty; I don't know, but that really gave me a strong mental image of Robert.

I'm interested to see what's in store for Zayriah - how will her audition go? - and how she comes to meet Robert and how their relationship goes. Good luck with your writing!

I really like this, I got confused while you were switching points of view because there was no transition. There was no way to know what was going on until you read further in. I think you could have described the dance more, starting with a twirl or something. I do however like that she stumbles into someone, it's a cute start, and oh my god, Gumby used to be my nickname too! I was a clutz haha.

This was sure not what I was expecting it to be. I mean, this is amazing. I really like the layout, it goes great with the story. It's as if the picture was made for it. The font is great. I can see, but it's not huge enough to blind me. I love the title. It's so different. I also love the fact that this is about a troubled boy who falls for a talented girl, or the other way around.

I thought it would be cliche but I was quickly proved wrong. I mean, I love this. You made it your own. I really want to hear more about the boy. I also like the summary because you gave us some incite to the characters. Thanks to that, I wasn't wondering who was who throughout the story. I'm trying to stop typing but I can't. I'm gonna subscribe to this. I love it. It's so...unique. I mean, you don't get many stories like this. This is a story. I mean, the girl has a story in the story. I hope you know what I mean. Anyway, good job.

I like the layout you have and Zayriah is quite a unique name. I like that the story didn't immediately start out with any type of romance, but rather just a girl trying to make her way in life. Your writing flows very well in places, but gets slightly stiff in others. The only thing I really would recommend is working on making your dialogue sound more natural. At times I don't feel like anyone would really speak that way, while they would maybe say those things they would say it in a more natural way, a way that flows easier. Otherwise, great job. :)