Betsy O'Loughlin - Comments

I enjoyed it. It was well written and smart without being so showy that it lost me as the reader. I'm not sure I like how defeatist Betsy was though. I can't relate. "I can't escape. The drugs...they're my life now. " This statement seems pretty definitive and final for a girl in high school. what exactly brought her to that point?

I thought it was going to be boring and delayed reading this. Boy, I was wrong. It contains the exact amount to make the reader want to read more of it yet it ends gracefully. The summary of Cecilia's love for Betsy is on point. I shuddered truthfully because a lot of friendships go like that. I liked the idea and the writing style. It didn't make me skip over lines nor were they very detailed.
I give it 10/10. Well done :)

Here from Le Comment Swap.
Firstly, your layout is nice, It's simple but still pretty. I like how you have managed to make it so easy to relate to your main character. That makes a nice addition to the story. Your writing flows well and as for grammar and spelling, it's pretty much flawless as far as I can tell anyway. I think this is very good, well done!

I love this! I can totally relate to the girl telling her story and it’s so lovely and sad and it just makes me feel her. I love your layout also. It's cute and sweet and it makes me wonder is that girl the one telling the story or the one breaking her heart. 8( Well done. It's sweet and simple and is full of so much emotion. I can totally relate to this character and understand what she's going through. It’s so poignant and real to have that first love rip your heart out and walk away. That feeling never goes away. I love the last line in it, where it says a picture never changes but the people in it do. It’s so true and inspiring. It kind of reminds me of PLL (I don’t know if you know the show or not) but one of the characters Emily comes to terms with the fact that she’s a lesbian and deals with falling in love with a girl for the first time but realized she had fallen for her best friend Ali years ago. And how she holds onto her memory and pieces of her. It’s so sweet. Good job! 8)

I really love this. It's short and sweet and full of so much emotion. I can totally relate to this chick! I think your layout is cute too. 8)

I love femmeslash! And her name is very Irish, I enjoyed that. Your writing style, it's fun and informal, very nice to read. Love how you describe Betsy as experimental, that made me giggle. I just dislike describing in first person, like I have blue eyes and dark hair, to me that sounds super weird, but we couldn't all like the same things and write the same way. But other than that, very fun story! Kudos!

This is so unbearably lovely -really. I loved the atmosphere it had and the way everything fell together so well. I love that she still has that picture, I loved the whole concept of the picture actually. It was so heartbreakingly sweet.

This is so unbearably lovely -really. I loved the atmosphere it had and the way everything fell together so well. I love that she still has that picture, I loved the whole concept of the picture actually. It was so heartbreakingly sweet.

I really enjoyed this. The story line was just so sad and something I can sort of relate to. I know that feeling of friends just kind of drifting apart one day. You did a great job of conveying the emotions. Your descriptions and dialogue were also well done. This is a great piece and I'm glad I was able to read it!

I really love what you've written, this story's fantastic! But, unfortunately, the rules stated no slash): I really like this, though, so I'm gonna make this an exception, okay? c:

Ah I'm glad you joined and got your entry in so fast :) I'm also excited to read this because I'm partial to longer stories rather than short ones (for me I usually always finding myself wishing there was more to the story or that it had so much potential but the writer didn't use it to their advantage). But enough about that on to the critique!

Layout- the choice to use the wood background with the banner was a cute one :) Plus I like the picture choice in general since it's so simple but eye-catching at the same time

Intro- Short&Sweet, to the point. Enough to give the reader a general idea of what happened but still vague enough to make the reader read on to find out how it happened.

Story-wise- I liked the beginning. A little cliché sure, but it's unavoidable that everyone's stories have some similarities. It's how they make the differences shine through that reveals the ability of the writer. Favorite line would have to be: "My smile may be kind of crooked, but Betsy always told me it made me look just the right amount of flawed." Or "The old Betsy was showing through, the new Betsy falling short." The ending kind of reminds me of the reverse of Grease (if you know the reference then good, if not ignore).

Ending comments: I enjoyed reading this. Until recently I was against reading femme of any sort, but I've been opening myself to it and am liking what I've read so far (most of it's been light so that's not much to brag about really…) But if you want, I took some notes while I was reading on possible edits you could make. Only I won't post them on here simply because you may or may not want to hear them. Or have other people read them. If you do, PM me and I'll get them to you so you can make whatever changes you agree with and skip the ones you don't.

Thanks for joining my contest and I wish you luck on the contests you've entered and the one's you've yet to join! ^.^

Beautifully written. Sad, but very raw, I loved it. You captured the emotions very well. I just really loved it... I know I'm being super horrible at saying why I loved it.. but I really did!

JAzz <2+1