So, I quite like stories with messages in them, you know, ones that underline issues that people face. That's why I like this piece. A personal favourite line of mine is: The blood mingling with the sweat and the tears on your knuckles is a testament to her lie. It's almost poetic in a way, to me, it was the one line that really stood out. I love how the voice in his head speaks to him, it sounds real, and I suppose it's a different perspective as usually it is the point of view of the person suffering the abuse. There was a minor grammatical error on the first line: “Just an experiment” you whisper in your head. There should be a comma after experiment. I must stress though, it would be a whole lot easier to read this piece if it was separated into paragraphs. Overall, an interesting piece of writing, it really highlights the abusers feelings, which is fresh.
October 16th, 2011 at 07:41pm