Morsmordre - Comments

Coming into this story I didn't really know what to expect. I did love the layout though. I love how it all just looks together and I think it's very nice and beautiful.

so i don't usually read things or works of writing on Harry Potter, just because I don't know enough about the whole thing to understand a lot of it but this was so beautifully written. I honestly enjoyed this very much and wish so much that it would be updated. I think you're a great writer and this story has a very good start, I hope you continue it sometime or maybe even if you don't want to I hope it stays online, so I can share it around.

I love this. I love that I only found out it was a HPFF from the word 'Azkaban' in the seventh paragraph. I love that your writing is so simple and so gorgeous, and so in the moment and perfectly formed. I love how dark it is, and how fucking well-written this thing is. I love your knowledge of sentence structuring, and I love that it all seems so effortless.

they, with the empty eyes, had been hoping for a brief minute or two of silence as...

Wow. I don't know what it is about that part, but it made me so happy. I just love how well you describe dementors and everything in general is just perfect. It doesn't seem like a Harry Potter fic at all. It is so professional and serious and put together.

God, you just get this. You get everything. I mean, every little part of this is just so wonderful.

I find that in the second chapter your wording slips in a few tiny places. If you were to go back and read through - perhaps out loud - you would find the awkward structuring there. Also in the third paragraph you write "...determinedly towards the window, outside." the comma there is excessive.

Just wow. This is so great.

By the way the title is kick-ass. I simply adore it. I adore this story, too. I'm recc'ing and subbing this to pieces. And you. <3

This is amazing. Completely brilliant! I can't wait till you put up more. Well actually I can, but it'd be nice if you updated soooooooon!

please!

please update? You write beautifuly

First thing's first, the prologue: I love how true to canon you stay with Barty calling out for his mother like they make reference to in GoF. Of course, having read the book several (hundred) times, and loving his character so much, I'm very familiar with this behavior from him, however, you really make it hit home, even more so than Harry's garbled version of events in GoF. It's quite touching.

I also love the way that you refer to the prisoner's of Azkaban. hidden away in the darkest corners of their cells, closing their empty eyes and praying that they could simply fall away in their sleep. I got goosebumps.

You choose your words very well in this story. I'm not looking meticulously for grammar or spelling mistakes (though I'll point them out if I see any) but that all looks good so far as well.

The sentences lying outside of paragraphs? I think it's brilliant. It really puts emphasis on the points that need emphasizing.

Moving on to the second chapter, I also love how true to canon you stay in making Mrs. Crouch so much more devoted to her son than Mr. Crouch. You've captured their essences well. I'm such a sucker for true-to-canon characters.

And then there had been her husband, who had simply stood and watched, as if waiting for the boy to fall.

This is why I detest Barty Crouch Senior. As I'm pretty sure I told you, I wrote a ten page paper in the form of a Rita Skeeter article and mostly all of it was her blaming Barty Senior for Barty Junior's turning to the dark side. It was full of spite, needless to say.

Moving on... oh god... again, you stay true to the books with the color-personality correlation in regards to polyjuice potion. I feel as if it's foreshadowing that Barty's hair turns the potion black, and I wonder if it's because his mind is so far lost that his soul no longer has color or if he really is so without good in him that black is the only color his potion could turn.

Regardless, I'm excited to see more of this. You know how much I love Barty Crouch Junior, and you say this is going to be canon, so I'm so heavily anticipating more of this. It's off to a great start!

I really enjoy this,
It's got to be one of the best written stories I have read in a very long time. I'm looking forward to your update. (:

For your layout, I just want to say that it's nice to see a patterned sidebar without an unnecessarily strongly patterned background that takes away from the story completely. :) I think the solid background makes it look rather nice and clean and easy to focus :) Just sayin.

Chapter One
In the early hours of the morning, with sunlight seeping over the horizon and - I think you could take out that first comma in the sentence because it reads nicely without it and because sometimes the comma use can look a little too excessive.

Anywho, this is how clueless I am about HP spells (and yet I've read the books a lot, and seen the movies...a lot). I just googled 'morsmordre' because I just thought it was some fancy Latin word. Lo and behold, it's the spell to conjure the Dark Lord. And I read the Author's Note before the I started to read the whole story, so it makes sense! :) Because when I first clicked the first chapter, those first few paragraphs sounded like they might be in an asylum. So hey, learn something 'new' everyday ;)

I like how in the next paragraph you use words like 'boy' and 'child' and it kind of puts a weird image of a boy being imprisoned, then you say he could not have been more than nineteen. I think that was nicely done because it makes the reader wonder for a moment why a boy would possibly be going to prison, but then you drop 'nineteen' in there and it makes the reader wonder why, at such an age, this guy could be calling out for his mother like that.

unsettled, until it resembled little more than a heap upon his head. - I don't think you need this comma here. I think it breaks it up a little too much where the description could be tied well enough into one sentence. :)

Like clockwork, he would whisper for his mother into the darkness, or plead for a reprieve that would never come. - on a comma rampage again, I think you could either take out all commas or maybe take out the second one, because the sentence reads well enough without any commas, or with that very first pause. :)

I like the repetition of how he wants his mother and then the reference to the idea that she won't come and because I haven't read HP 4, 5 & 6 for a very long time I can't say that I know exactly why and I don't want to Google it because I feel like my ignorance on the matter would make for some nice reading. :) Unless, of course, it's not mentioned in anything at all and this is your making. :) In either case, you've got a really nice idea of a plot and the prologue really sets everything up well. :)

I like that this only has description rather than dialogue and that you focus on the hopelessness of being jailed in Azkaban. I also like that you don't mention that's the setting until half way through/ three quarters of the way through the piece and you don't mention any names. I think the description takes all of that instead. :)

Anywho, it's a lovely chapter and I'm going to subscribe because it looks well-written with a plan and such :) And, maybe when you think about using a comma, read the sentence aloud (or out very loud in your head) with what it sounds like with and without a comma, and then see if you really need one in there. :) But good prologue! :)