November 2nd, 2011 at 11:06am
your writting is great. but sometimes i get lost and can't tell where the scene is taking place. Here is what I do when getting the scenery ready for my characters entrance. I describe it from a distance, then I describe it up-close, and last but not least I describe it from my characters POV. So if I am describing snowing mountains from a distance this is how I would do it.
Pale blue shark teeth bite the distant horizon. The crowd of mountains that gather together not far from my village are blocking the new morning sun as usual. But without the mountains there would be no stream passing through the village. From the village the mountains look calm and beautiful, something you’d only see once in your lifetime, but from where I stand I don’t have much life left. The mountain shrieks and blows at us with such incredible force. My beard is sprinkled with snow flakes and frozen spit that uncontrollably dribbles from my lips. I wish I’d never thought of climbing to the top of the mountain.
i hope i helped and wish you the best of luck writing this story!
The first thing that I thought was "It's so pink!" A little too pink. Some readers have sensitive eyes and this could throw some of them off and make them click the back button. But I won't.
I thought the summary was alright. It's good that it doesn't give much away, but it also doesn't really stand out.
I did not expect to like the prologue. I thought it was too short, but when I actually read what was in it, it was very interesting, especially the last parts of each character's description.
Well done!