Kokkuri - Comments

*Comment Swap* I really liked this! I'm quite interested in Japanese culture and how they do things differently from us and this was great. I didn't notice any mistakes and it had a really nice flow to it. The layout is really pretty and simple, I liked that. Overall this story was really great and interesting :] xxx

I liked it! It is really detailed! I don't like nothing! Hehe, my wording is weird!! :P

I liked this a lot! Unfortunately, I know nothing related to anything about the Japanese language, so some of this I didn't understand--but it didn't take away from the eerieness of it all. I have to say that I agree with CassieScars--there was so much tension while she had that cold feeling rip through her body, and I was excited for what was coming next. I felt like the ending was a bit disappointing, but it was still very scary and creeped me out Again, I think this has such a unique storyline to it! Also, I have to admit that at the beginning, I got a weird feeling about the mother when the note said, "Remember to behave." (I think that's what it said. xD) It seemed off, and something wasn't quite right. I don't know if that was your intention, but it certainly added to the insanely creepy vibe of the story. This was well written, and the amount of detail was perfect. Great job! :D

Personally, I felt the ending was a let down.
You built up all the tention only to have it instantly spiraled downwards.
It was written well, though.
The word ashita only uses three symbols :)
I studied japanese for one year. :L
Anyway, well written, just slighty disappointing.

Eerie and then horrific -- a classic ghost story with just the right images to put me on edge tonight. All in all this was a relatively smooth read, though some of the lines were a tad redundant, such as:
" It was like Aina was lost in her own world, like her body moving completely on its own. It was almost as if she couldn’t even feel her body. She felt detached from her body. "

Those three sentences just sort of say the same thing, and though repetition is sometimes effective, like when you repeat the word "Tomorrow," it just felt a bit tired here.

Otherwise, very good! I'm slightly disturbed, but maybe I have a weak constitution. I think I just have a particular fear of Japanese ghosts. I enjoyed the "Ask and you shall receive" motto/philosophy. It worked on several levels.

I liked the innocence and riskiness at the beginning. I can feel a slight connection to Aina's mother even though she never actually appeared in the story. Once you go farther along it gets interesting. I was a little confused as to what was happening at first, but as I read further it made more senseand the explanation at the end was very helpful. It was frightening in a way, but I almost felt like the character deserved it because her mom is spiritual and wouldn't approve. I liked kind of feeling that though. It was also very well written. :)

I got goosebumps. This was kind of scary. Would it be something you'd perhaps expand on? Additional chapters? Perhaps from different point of views and perhaps all their stories are somehow linked together? Lol just an idea (omg at first I put eyedea). I really liked that you also had an explaination of everything. That helped so much. I had questions and I didn't even have to ask :)

I loved the layout, to start it was simple and made it easy to read. This was a really creepy story, because one it's weird how this was recommended to me the day that I used an ouija board. :l Ghosts trying to say something, ehe? But yeah, if there was some kind of suspicion in the back of my head that a ghost, such a Kokkuri-san appeared, I would not ever mess with it. Really liked it. :)
Plus, I love all the Japanese traditional horror stories, they are so creepy and have this air about them, idk.

This was written really well! It was interesting how you managed to incorperate the Japanese aspects of it; it adds a layer of horror to the story. And I wasn't expecting it to end like that! Very creepy.

This is creepy, but I liked it a lot! I've tried to play with an Ouija board before, and it never worked. I really loved this, though. Your details are awesome, and it's just really good. Your grammar was flawless, too. I love your layout, it's gorgeous. Great Job(:

This is really spooky ._. I love it :D Gave me chill bumps c:

Creepy? yep =) Never played with a Ouigi board either and for the same reason as the main character. My mom refuses to get me one and I'd rather not get a used one. I'm slightly superstitious myself.

On the whole, I liked it, it was awesome!

This was creepy, I like it
I remember doing this when I was like 10 lol it did not work, but then maybe I did not do it right
yay Japan ruels and you all know it! lol I'm joking
As I believe in spirits and ghost this made me scared, I could see what you were writing and it takes one hell of a good writer to do that, so well done :D

This was creepy, I like it
I remember doing this when I was like 10 lol it did not work, but then maybe I did not do it right
yay Japan ruels and you all know it! lol I'm joking
As I believe in spirits and ghost this made me scared, I could see what you were writing and it takes one hell of a good writer to do that, so well done :D

I'd actually heard of the Kokkuri before, I'm pretty sure, so I was intrigued just from reading the summary. I also love stories with Japanese culture, especially the culture of the horror side. There's a lot of Japanese myths and legends that are incredibly creepy and it's so rare to read well-written stories incorporating that. It takes a lot to get me scared, especially in stories, but this sent a shiver down my spine. The description was really good throughout, and I loved her scepticism of it all. Really well done.

Wow. Major goosebumps and I don't get goosebumps.Pretty much my critiques were the same as Bob Dylan (wow...) but I didn't get the choppy or incorrect sentences :)

Great job!

Not going to lie, it gave me goosebumps. o:
But, it was really good!
(:

Usually, I don't care much for horror stories, but Kokkuri was an exception. I really enjoyed it. It wasn't just the generic horror story that usually ends up on Mibba.
I adored the layout, it's extremely simple and to the point. It's nice to not have any distracting or clashing colors for once on Mibba. It all flowed so nicely together.
I wrote down little paragraphs and sentences that I thought were choppy or incorrect:
*Rolling her eyes, Aina crumbled the note and threw it away.
*That was just like her mother--to leave without even giving a single hint as to where she went.
*Being told you get the best results after midnight, Aina waited until Ten.

Reading, I had a few unanswered questions pop into my mind. Why did Aina's mom leave? Was it for work? Where'd she go? You mention that she leave a lot and that she's often busy. Maybe you could describe a trip and explain where she went to on previous occasions.

All in all, I was very interested in Kokkuri. It really got my attention, and I actually wanted to read every line--not just skim through it all. I think you did a terrific job with the characters and explaining the game. One thing, though, is that I noticed it sounded too much like a narrative on some parts. Which, in moderation is okay, but it can get boring and bland. Because, as a reader, I wanted to feel I was right there with Aina and was experiencing the same things she was.

I totally look forward to reading your other writings! Good job!

Oh, I always do enjoy a good horror story. Well, not really, but when it's well done and it's interesting, I do enjoy it for sure. I was going to read your other story because it sounded sad ("Are you pretty?" sounded sad to me, for some reason.) but when I saw the heinous picture of that girl with the torn mouth I immediately clicked away. I may be strong towards horror movies most of the time, but that's when I'm in the comfort of my own bed, and the TV is not four inches from my face. Plus, the layout on this one was much better, and simple, which is another reason it attracted me more.

Goodness, I'll tell you. I was sort of dreading the idea of another possible horror story because those tend to be long and dragged out (a bit like me when I'm trying to give my scenes a creepy mood, unfortunately). But this one was actually quite short and enjoyable. Oh, of course the victim is always the curious one, and she was as curious as the ignorant mind always is. It was very Japanese-like, realistic, and I could picture it well in my mind. Well, not the house because you lacked detail of almost everything except the Kokkurin supplies. Still, it was enjoyable.

I hope my comment fit your tastes and it expressed well what I felt about this story. You did a good job, overall. Here's my Christmas/New Years present to you. Feliz Navidad and a Happy New Year to you. <3

From yours truly,
Echo

Okay, so first I would like to sincerely apologize for how long this took me to read and comment on. I don't even know how long it was, or if you even remembered that I was supposed to comment, but we did a comment swap a while ago. I'm just stupid and forgot about it until now

Anywho, I thought this was wonderful, seriously. The whole thing gave me chills. The beginning was kind of iffy for me, but once I started to see where the story was going you had me hooked. The part where the board answered "tomorrow" nearly gave me a heart attack. And then when the clock struck midnight my face was about an inch away from the screen. Not even kidding. This had the perfect amount of suspense in it and I think you built it up to the end beautifully. This was very interesting and amazing and gah, just an amazing job overall<3 :D