Concealed Within - Comments

I know this was kind of abandoned but I wanted to give it a read anyway.
To start I really like the layout c: It's extremely pretty and I love the color of the background, and just the waves in general, the whole thing altogether is very nice.

I love stories about mermaids and sirens and things like that so this peaked my interest about it immediately and I felt I had to read it. c: It was written very well and I was really curious about Caja the whole time. I want to know more about her and I really want to know what'll happen next with this story but I understand if I've given up on it. It was great so far though.

To start out I absolutely LOVE the layout and I'm always a sucker for poems or songs in stories if you couldn't tell by my own. Your main character, Caja, (love the name by the way) is very interesting. She's defiantly different from most main characters that I read about. Keep it up! :3

The first thing I noticed was the font. It kind of hurts my eyes, but maybe thats just me. I love the layout and the circular photo. Your descriptions are well done, although I dont see how fascination with the sea is considered a sin. I also love the name Caja. Keep up the good work.

This is very good!
Caja reminds me of myself in so many ways, and I think I see where this is going! :O

Love the layout, the circular photo is interesting. The quote is also very lovely, I've never heard it before but I like it. For some reason I just immediately thought of the beginning of Percy Jackson, I just saw the movie and the fact that he's so obsessed with water…random. Anyway, I wonder if you're going to have some type of mythological spin on this?

The summary is nice, not entirely gripping but not shoving me away either.

I don't understand how it's sinful and crazy to be in love with the sea? That's a bit weird to me, I mean a lot of people adore water. Swimmers, for instance, surfers…I don't know what's so weird about that. That's what' s a bit off about to me. I like that you've done research in regards to the mythological aspects of the sea. I have never heard of the Makara, and I'm bound to find out soon since I'll be taking Greek Mythology this year. but it's certainly nice to see someone doing research on these things. Even the name Caja sounds like it belongs in a myth. This prologue was beautiful. The descriptions are lovely, and I'm already ready to read more. Like I said earlier, the only thing I dislike is the first paragraph. It doesn't make much sense to me.

I really doubt a therapist would say such a thing to their patient. I've been seeing one since I was ten and they are all very calm and patient, no one would dare speak like that to someone especially when it could cause them to lose their job. I honestly don't get why everyone is freaking out because she likes the sea. Yes, the mermaid stuff is weird, but liking the sea isn't wrong…tht's really confusing to me…but I suppose you'll be delving further into that as the story progresses?

Like I said earlier greet descriptions, you definitely have a teenage girl bent on not being in therapy down. They do anything to distract themselves from the therapist, like the picking at the furniture. Lovely story so far, I shall be subscribing. ;]

I've subscribed to this story because it seems like a wonderful and very intriguing story. :)<3 I look forward to seeing more of this. Feliz Navidad, and a Happy New Year to you.

From yours truly,
Echo

O^O

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. My. God. AH;AKH;KAHLJAHLKJAHKJAH. This was so amazing. Like, Y U NO HAVE MOAR. xD Lol. I love this a whole lot. It's one of my favorite stories. Not just on Mibba, but ever. Seriously. I love water. I really do. Ah, and Caja is the best~! I can't wait to learn about this new boy. I wonder why it's Home as last. ;D So beautifully written, Rosie. You're so talented. I'm jealous, dear. ;_;

Nice Chapter

I'm not going to lie, Rosie, that banner, it's beautiful and a slightly disturbing but after reading the summary, I think it fits and I see it in a new light. ^.^ The layout is beautiful and well done. The summary is says a lot and has me hooked.

Prologue
I see a lot of imagery and feel a lot of emotions in this first chapter, er prologue. Mmmph! Rosie you did a very nice job! I'd say more but everyone that had commented before me has said it all. I will say this though, Caja's obsession with the sea is like my obsession with air. I wonder if her obsession with the sea has something to do with her astrological sign because part of my obsession with air has something to do with me being a Gemini which is an air sign. ^.^

I loved this first chapter. I'll come back and read the true first chapter in a bit but I am subbing as promised. :)

First I gotta say
I love your layout
Its beautiful

Now with your story
I adored this story
I felt like I was in a fairytale book, don't ask me why.
I love how you wrote this, how everything moves together in harmony.
I can't wait to see more

Keep up the good work
<3

Okay first of the entire layout is absolutely gorgeous, before even reading the summary I could tell that it was going to be something concerning mermaids. The colors were just right and just...wow. I really loved the quote, it was beautiful and it set the tone of the story along with the layout. The summary, although short, drew me in and I love that because I am also one of those persons who write super short summaries lol.

Wow…just, wow. First off, your writing is beautiful, the words flowed perfectly in my opinion and from the first chapter I could feel how much this girl loved the ocean, it was almost like she belonged there but she was born in a different world. The second chapter is the same thing, and it’s sad that her mother thinks she’s crazy, but oh well maybe if I was a mother I would think she was crazy too lmao. I really couldn’t pick up any grammatical errors. This is just wonderful, keep writing =].

You're so amazing, hon. This is so cute, and beautiful. And I can relate, because I'm a bit like Caja in a way. ;_; Maybe not quite like her, but I relate to how she dreams and wishes like that. Just, gah, I love this. AND YOU DEDICATED THIS TO ME?! <33333333333333 Ah, this is so beautiful. Please write more soon~! <3

Hey Rosie, I love the prologue!! I can't wait for more.

I'm Glad i have such a talented Best Friend!!!

Love you!

Disenchanted Lies. xo

I'm not even going to lie: I'm very interested in what this story pertains to, thanks to not only the story title, but the layout as well. I mean, based upon the picture, I'm thinking that there's some kind of thing going on with a lake - like maybe there's this amazingly amazing woman trapped in that lake, you know? Anyways, back to the layout. :) It's very, very pretty. I like how elegant and clean it looks. Not a single thing out of place and it's just stunning and readable, too. Definitely one of the more stunning layouts I've seen. <33 c:

The summary just pretty much reinforced my idea that this is going to be an interesting story, eheh. I like how you included a poem and then I also like how seductive your own words were - edging and teasing around the idea - yet, how mysterious and magical they were. The cliff hanger just....mmmf. <3 I can't even describe how eager that has me to read. What kind of magic will this story have? What's your idea of mermaids? Who is Caja? How do you pronounce that kind of beautiful name, aha? /humorous moment. (:

Really, this story looks great. I'm amped to read and I haven't even started yet. Amazing job so far. (: <3

Prologue

wednesday afternoon

Wednesday* should be capitalized.

I liked how you opened the chapter and gave opinions on Cara. How everybody felt about her object of affection and how she felt. It shows not only what kind of person she is, but what kind of world, what kind of enviorment she's placed in.

Caja hugely there was one creature that fascinated her the most: the siren, better known as the mermaid.

This was the hook for me. <3 It just....it made me want to keep reading and learn more. I think this was the point in the chapter where you really zeroed in on not only a huge bit of her beautiful personalitiy, but the major idea of this story. I'm still unsure of how the plot will go, but I can honestly say I'm captivated. <3 Your writing style is very fluent and clean and I enjoy reading it very, very much. :)

I cannot wait to read more. <3

Aal;hlahlagalgalghaglha. Say this sucks again and I shall COME FOR YOU. It's so beautiful Rosie. I simply adore this. <3 ;_; It is so beautiful. Just a few errors here and there, but the writing is still so gorgeous. I loved it. Got me hooked immediately. The story line is amazing~! I don't like how the people around her treat her. The teachers are just complete arseholes.

But the story is AMAZING. I love this. THANK YOU FOR EXISTING.

The layout is so pretty. It reminds me of sea weed. O___o But it truly is beautiful, as is the summary itself. I loved the quote you used - it was so pretty and dreamy sounding. I've never truly read a mermaid story all of the way through, so this may be my first. ;) It does seem incredibly interesting and reminds me a little bit of those Emily Windsnap books, which I thought were too legit to quit when I was in elementary school. The first sentence was a little awkwardly worded for me, though. :c

Caja is obsessed by the sea, it's wild personality and ferocious beauty.

Maybe "obsessed with the sea" or "captivated by the sea" or something to that effect. :3

First, the layout is gorgeous, & I love the colors you used. I also really like the quote that was used. Mermaid stories are always real intriguing, and it looks like you have the potential for an interesting one. Oh, and the name Caja is awesome. c: Yeah, definitely good so far.

cant wait to read it :)

I love the layout, the simplness, and the girl that looks to be naked gives it a sweet touch. I like the concept, it's to be about mermaids and water, which is unique around here so far. I love the description you use for everything, how she want's to plugne into the depths of the water, I would love to do that to. Relating to the story, is a good thing readers would keep reading becuase they can relate to the character a little. I really like this and I can't wait for you to begin it, you have a nice touch being a writer with edge and simplicity. good work.

:D The layout is gorgeous, love. The story is intriguing and sounds absolutely stunning. Please start soon. <3