Obsessed - Comments

I‘ve decided to check out your work and I am glad I did. Yet again your first sentence is perfect; your last one is amazing. The length fits me well, but the thing I like the most about this is your writing style. It‘s different and it‘s beautiful, it forces me to think about each sentence individually and when I come to an end, I want more. And when I reread it for the tenth time I still want more. It has such great potential to become so much more than just a short story.

The first thing that my literature teacher told me is that the author is not the main character of the story. He can use his life facts, his experiences to write the story, but he will never be the one, because it‘s not autobiography.

I loved this. From the beginning to the last word. Thank you.

This is very beautiful. I do not see how you could be so down on yourself about your writing, when you are so great. You have a great point of view on this, and I think that if you had more confidence in the things that you do, you could soar. But you are already flying.

I am in the judging stage of my contest. Still waiting for some entries, but I will let you know when I have finished judging and have decided on the results.

This is absolutely beautiful. The layout totally goes along with this story, and it doesn't take away the effect that it has.

Your word choice is spot on. I love that you do not give away everything. You do not go too in depth about your character and what has happened in your life. You give very little, but you give a lot at the same time. You give away that her brother committed suicide. And that seems to be extremely triggering. It leaves me with so many questions about the situation and about the character, but in a very good way.

There is no turning, no running, and definitely no hiding. This was my favorite sentence.

Good job!

This is beautiful. I didn't know that you had OCD, but I now know that and I'm sorry that you do. I think you're a very brave and courageous person for writing this. There's only one chapter so far and already I'm drawn to it. So, just wow.

I just read two of your other stories and I must say that your writing really draws people in. So, this is great. I'm gonna sub.

This was absolutely beautiful in the most haunting of ways. I can tell you know this feeling; it may not be as severe, but I can tell you know to a degree. The detailing and imagery was slight, but just enough. You've got such a delicate way of writing that really speaks and makes the reader think and understand. I always love reading stories about disorders especially if they're well written because it puts me in the shoes of the one who suffers from it and makes me understand. Which is certainly what this piece did. I get a little misty eyed when I read that her brother had committed suicide that that's when she fell into obsession. This truly was a beautiful piece to be so small. Fantastic job, Kenzi. <3

this is very beautiful and it was written with such an emotion that when I was done reading it I wanted to cry for the girl and reach out and give her a hug. You did a wonderful job showing the emotions and not just telling, which made this writing strong. Awesome:)
also, i wanted to mention the beautiful layout. that was amazing and it fit the story so well!
and no grammatical mistakes!! i enjoyed reading it, keep up the good writing!

I really, really liked this a lot. I liked how it almost seemed to gradually build up into her own panic, and the tone of the story from the beginning to the end matched the way her OCD got worse. I know that this is a one-shot, and a fantastic one at that, but I think this could be a really great beginning to a chaptered story if you ever continued it. This was short, but it held so much and was simply amazing. Aghh, I loved this<3 Great job! :)

I'll do a very long, part-by-part comment because I enjoyed this, and I feel you deserve it!

In her mind they were just simple ways of comfort. At least that was how it was at first. Now they are obsessive habits or compulsions. They are something she can’t break free of no matter how hard she tries. Her arms are always tired and so is her brain. Every moment of her life is a constant continuous struggle for comfort. Instead of calmly handling things like others, all she can do is think up the most irrational things. Her fears grow every day and add on as they go. As much as she wants to break free, she can't. She is stuck. There is no turning, no running, and definitely no hiding. There is one way to get rid of it, but she couldn’t go down that route.

This is a great opening paragraph and since the story is so short, it's also covering a bulk of the drabble. I like the way this is done in present time instead of past, so you get a real feel for what she is feeling and maybe not why she's feeling it, but how it's coming about. The short sentences mixed in with the longer are very good, as well.

That sad, dark route was supposed to be the root of her problem anyway. That’s what the therapist thinks anyway. Losing her brother to suicide was what everyone seemed to think triggered her Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. She couldn’t remember a time before then anymore so she wasn’t so sure where it had started. It didn’t matter to her anyway. Getting rid of it was her only wish, but it seemed so unlikely, so impossible.

This is a great follow-up to the first paragraph. While the first goes over her feelings, the second one goes into why she feels that way with a good amount of detail. I can feel her longing to get rid of the problem, but from the first paragraph I can understand why she feels as if she cannot get rid of it. There is great flow and your style of writing is very easy to read here.

She had this terrible feeling in the pit of her stomach; she was going to be forever Obsessed.

This is a good ending. I like that it is back to the way she's feeling, and her depressing outlook on her future. The only thing I don't like is that obsessed is capitalized. It's the title of the story, but I don't feel as if it needs the emphasis of a capital letter. Maybe put it in bold if you want it to stand out.

Overall, well done!

I like that it is short.
And I have to agree with what visions_of_blaphemy said about your writing. ( I couldnt phrase it any better)

For being as simple and short as this was, it was incredibly powerful. My mother has OCD, and I've watched her go through similar things my whole life. Your writing style is gripping, raw, and emotional. Kudos.

Oh, this is wonderful, hon. Simple and very believable. It's got a certain charm that I very much like. It's not really your normal one-shot or drabble, which I very much liked about this piece. You have a simplistic, gripping writing style. It's all I could ask for, really. It made me thing of this reality show with people dealing with OCD, but in a completely good way. Wonderful job. <3

And I adore the layout, btw. It's pretty and very eye catching. ^^