Pretty Little Bones - Comments

This was amazing! I haven't read many victim and master stories that are told through the master's POV. I loved how the reader was inside the mind of the master and you got to see how he planned this. The suspense was killer, and made me want more so bad. I don't know who he is or she or how they know each other. I'm hoping that it will be revealed in the book.
Overall great story and you're an amazing writer!

This is brilliant! It's so dark, yet intriguing to read! The way you worded it was awesome, and the first part could be song lyrics because of the flow and how the created an image! I really liked it! Good job!

Kurt?! Nooooo!
Lol How could you?!?!
Kurt's practically my favorite character, or just about since I can't think of any others.
Your story left me wondering what would happen next and why that person wanted to hurt Kurt so much!
I really enjoyed it and think you're a great writer!
Great job on this!

Layout
The banner seems to fit the content and give it that eery feeling. However, the color of the text on black makes it difficult to read.

Title
It's odd, because on my way to school yesterday I heard the title of this used in a song. I couldn't tell you who the artist was, or what the name of said song was. All I know is it briefly reminded me of this before I had even read it. Still, the title leaves much to the imagination. Makes one guess how the story will pan on out.

Overall
I loved the darkness of it. How you never knew it was a Glee based fan fiction until you read the author's note. Not knowing a story is a fanfiction makes it all the much better. And after finding out that it's about Kurt, I can definitely see him in this situation. My only remarks on grammar and such is the over use of the word 'pretty'. That I don't particularly care for first person, but this was good. Great job! :)

First thing I feel I have to comment on is the layout. Though I love the banner, the colouring is really hard to read. The alignment on the title really threw me off, and the red doesn’t fit in with the rest of the layout. I would probably have just left the writing on the banner as the only form of title. I would also make the story content white, so it is easier to read.

I really liked the opening line, it’s really gripping. The narrative tone through the piece is nice and easy to read, and I felt really drawn in and could picture everything clearly. Your powerful language such as I want to break your pretty little bones is really gripping and creates powerful emotions within the reader.

I love the ending; the way you’ve written this is great! I could feel the suspense throughout the piece, so powerful. Well done!

This is an excellent piece. my only recommendation is to brighten the font because it's difficult to read. I can really feel myself inside the narrator's twisted mind. To the point where I'm both disturbed and intrigued at the same time. The blunt sentences with lack of detail actually pull this together quite well. It's straight to the point, but for some reason I have a feeling someone this creepy wouldn't be thinking logically. He wouldn't be paying attention to the scenery around him, just his prey. I would've had no idea it was Kurt, and I'm assuming the boy is Blaine? Poor boys. Great piece.

I could not stop reading this. It is amazing, Kurt fanfiction or no.

One thing that stands out my is the use of brackets/parenthesis. Instead of using them try using hyphens instead. This is one of my biggest pet peeves when I'm writing. I have no idea why.

Also you use quite a lot of commas in some sentences. It makes it seem choppy and rushed. But it kind of works as a pro to the story at the same time. The MC of the story seems like this is how his brain would be working. He seems like a nutter and a half—obviously—and I love it. Though I am not quite sure on his obsession. Is it a hate obsession or is it a lust obsession? Or is like Karofsky was? Or completely different? Either way I would totally love if you do make this into a longer, chaptered story. Maybe that way things can slow down a tad, there's not so much bouncing around. We can figure out the background of how the MC met Kurt and things like that.

holy crap I got scared for a minute. Poor Kurt! D: But it was nicely done! :)