i had never, ever, heard of angelo parente before, so i had to look him up, haha. i think you should definitely space out your paragraphs, because it was a bit hard to read, and maybe you should add... action, because although dialogue is importants, so is action. we as readers want to know what's happening around the characters, even if it's the tiniest thing. still, you have great ideas, and once you have a good format, i know this story can be capable of more and more. keep on writing x
June 10th, 2012 at 01:19am