November 28th, 2011 at 11:25pm
Okay, can I just say that this piece has just about everything that I look for in a smut piece? Like seriously, I'm having a little trouble forming a coherent comment at the moment XD I loved the way this piece just flowed so effortlessly, there weren't any gaps or awkward transitions into the sex, there was more of a rhythm to the piece as a whole. I absolutely adored how you incorporated the word prompts into the piece in a more subtle manner and wove them into the actual scene as opposed to just stating the actual words a couple times. I appreciated the fact that you wrote this piece in present tense, which is something I haven't seen done well in smut often, but I thought it worked incredibly well in this. It really made me feel as if I were caught up in the moment, and it gave the scene a sort of pacing that was enjoyable to read. The thing that stuck out the most ot me about your entry, something that's absent from a lot of the smut I read, is that this was total and complete sensory overload. You didn't just focus on the motions of the physical act in itself, you also incorporated the memories from the past, the scents, the soft sounds, everything, and that was what made this so much more than just a sex scene.
I usually mention something that I felt was missing from a piece as well, but I can't say that I felt there was anything seriously lacking from this piece. Maybe if I had to come up with some sort of constructive criticism, I would say that I would've liked to have read more physical descriptions, just because I didn't feel like I had enough of a grasp on what the characters actually looked like, but it wasn't something that really yanked me out of the story or kept me from enjoying it all the same.
Overall, I really adored reading this piece, so I'd like to thank you for entering it in my contest.
This was incredible! At first I thought it was an Ouran High fanfiction because I thought one of the names was Kyouya but it's not lol. this was just, I agree with everything with the user above said, and that's just it. It was wonderful.