Distance Doesn't Matter - Comments

Comment Swap! :) Hello. I do not read hockey stories nor have I ever had an interest them so it's hard to critique one. So, my criticism might be invalid, but I only have a few concerns anyway. On my computer screen, the layout is a bit off. The words go onto the picture and it's just annoying and I had to switch it over to the Default layout. Just a heads up. Also, I agree with boyking when saying that you seem to have constant dialogue. A lot of is unnecessary dialogue, because some of it are things no one would usually say or ask and it gives off the illusion that your main character is younger than she really is. Am I making sense? Sorry, I tend to ramble instead of actually giving good advice. Just make sure not to rely too heavily on dialogue and add in some descriptions and narrations! Good luck! :)

i'm from the comment swap! i have no idea who sidney crosby is, but it wasn't completely necessary to know so to understand the story and i liked that. it's an original idea, and that's hard to find on this site. a piece of advice i would give is that there seems to be a lot of constant dialogue--especially in the first four chapters--and not very much description. the dialogue was written well but it would be nice for there to be some more narration along with it. other than that, good luck with your story!

Awww, that was really cute

I had no idea who Sidney Crosby is, but it’s a lovely story. I love how you start the first chapter with a quote. It’s one of my favorite things to see in a story. I also adored how you picked such an original location. I thought the location of her trip was wonderful too. It made more sense once I looked up who Sidney Crosby was, but for someone who didn’t know who he was, the location was a lovely twist from other stories. Very original reasoning too for the trip. I also adored the fact you chose Denny’s over McDonalds or some other very popular fast food chain. You also get right into the main plot line without dilly-dallying. That was wonderful too. Keep it up!

This is a pretty good story. Keep writing, even though this isn't my cup of tea it still if very well written and you should continue because it's awesome. I'll possibly be checking back on this later if I have the free time or remember about it. Aha.

-Greg.

i like this so far please keep updating!

I wouldnt mind bumping into him!

great chapter. can't wait for the meet.