December 10th, 2011 at 05:25am
This is an excellent concept to start a story with, seriously. I love the way you describe people and the way you pick out things that are really true from every day life. You have a writing style that I enjoy and that I don't see on Mibba very often.
My only complaint is the layout. It just doesn't appeal to me, but that being said, it is easy to read!
Now for the story. It does give me a lot to think about, and it has some really great points.
We are they type that stalked the Earth before some visionary spewed forth the idea of morals - this line was what really made me think, like are humans inherently good or is this just because a bunch of people say so?
I was a little scared at the end where the narrator suggested we kill someone.
If this is just the first chapter of a story, I think it's an awesome start.
A few minor faults:
poorly [imatated] by sports - should be "imitated"
Their soul understands [it's] need to escape - should be "its"
There are more typos, but I don't think you'll miss them if you just reread one more time. :)