Purified soulmates - Comments

I like it you should keep going.

again very interesting...um sorry but I am using comment swap and apparently it has to be 200+ characters and nothing lower =_= but it really is a great read. Maybe you could read my story http://www.mibba.com/Stories/Read/492382/Wizard-of-Blood/ hopefully you like it and if not please give some advise, it will be greatly appreciated but you don't have to if you don't want to. Sorry for the thing not being a link if it isn't don't know how to do that yet

this is interestiong you should keep writing

awh such a cute story ^-^ keep up the great work, I hope there will be another chapter. :)

Here from comment swap.
I actually had to google Alan Ashby, and I'm pretty glad I did because he's cute.

Anywho, i'm going to start off by saying that the layout is nice and clean, very well put together.

On to the story; this is a very straight forward beginning done well in my opinion. The whole chapter was in a way sweet, until the whole topic about her not being a groupie, and then the end was cute again, which ended it nicely. I'm hoping there'll be another chapter.

:)

I like that even though she doesn't really know him she says she'll be with him. This story is nicely written, too. I have read stories who write oddly, as if they were texting, but you're story doesn't do that, and for that I am grateful. Though this story is not one I would normally read I like it, and would really like you to update soon :D

This reminds me of Caleb Shomo and his girlfriend who live in another side of the world too lol keep on writing <3

Now comment swap has sent me here. I still think this story is incredibly cute. And I love it when she asks if she has something on her face. I personally am not a huge fan of third person writing but when done well it can make a story really deatailed and enjoyable to read. It is a really good first chapter and I am already hooked on your plot so pleeeeeeaaaaassse update soon!:)
~yona

Really cute!

Comment swap!
THIS. IS. AWESOME. You are a such a talented writer. Everything was so detailed. I felt like I was right there, in the story. Normally I don't like stories that move this fast but this is fantastic! Keep up the great work! And Of Mice & Men rocks! <3

Hey, I've come here through comment swap too. The story seems very sweet, but my main piece of constructive criticism would be "Show-Don't-Tell." Thats' one concept I've stumbled across while trying to improve my own writing, and it's a really hard task to do, so don't stress too much. But what I mean by that is instead of explaining your character's thoughts and feelings and reactions all in private thoughts, show them. In dialogue, and action. For example, I know that Alan is in love with her, but you have to let the character speak for himself. Show it in how his stomach clenches when she smiles or how his cocky-bad-boy demeanor melts when she laughs with him. It's very easy to tell the reader what you want them to know; it's a lot harder to let the character tell them instead. But once you do, it will make and already great story even greater. :)

Hellooo, I've come here through comment swap.
I've got to say, this is so cute. Like akfhsjdfsnf.
I really like this concept, because it shows Alan completely opposite of how I would expect him to be. The whole idea is adorable, and I want you to continue with this, pretty please with a cherry on top. This is just too good :3

-Jess xx

I think you should continue with the story. No doubt about it. Just keep writing until you reach the end. The story is adorable, and its refreshing to find a story about love at first sight. I feel that this story could go far! keep it up, and never doubt yourself. Don't worry about how you want it to turn out, just write and see where it goes.