Wasteland - Comments

Your story is amazing so far. I love the idea of it it's so original and unlike anything that I've read before on Mibba.

Overall you're writing is great only thing that I would have to crique you for would be spelling and a little bit of grammar. I'll post the original bit of writing then the changed bit so you can see the difference :)

Original:
"I see," she sniffed again, making me start to loath this nurse who thought she was so much better than me. "Well, then, please, come this way."

Revised:
"I see," she sniffed again, making me start to loath this nurse who thought she was so much better than me. "Well then, please come this way."

Original:
I felt adrenalin kick in and I sprinted faster than I would have though possible towards the door.

Revised:
I felt adrenalin kick in and I sprinted faster than I would have thought possible towards the door.

Original:
I had a good feeling about going left but I had a rule that I never followed my good feelings. Instead of letting my gut lead me I took off in the left direction praying that I would be able to escape the horrible hands of the nuthouse doctors.

This one I'm a little unsure of :/ I'm not sure if she was still mean't to go left or if she was meant to go left. I've revised it with two words so you have an option but also left this note in case this was intentional.

Revised:
I had a good feeling about going left but I had a rule that I never followed my good feelings. Instead of letting my gut lead me I took off in the right/opposite direction praying that I would be able to escape the horrible hands of the nuthouse doctors.

My first reaction was to stop screaming,

Original:
And it does do no good when I reach for the closest thing to food and pull out a bit of mushroom

Revised:
And it does no good when I reach for the closest thing to food and pull out a bit of mushroom

And people above tend to age as well.

Original:
Spending so much time with the hare and the Mad Hatter had caused me to speak me to speak my mind. They were not afraid to say exactly what was playing through their heads.

Revised:
Spending so much time with the hare and the Mad Hatter had caused me to speak my mind. They were not afraid to say exactly what was playing through their heads.

I think the banner you have is excellent. But I think it is a little distracting, as it's always changing. I'd suggest putting it the the summary and leaving the chapter with a picture of something. Maybe wonderland as a dump? Would suit the title and also the story.

I really do like the story and you will have no problems getting readers. I knwo for one thing I'm subcribing to this. I love it and I can't wait to see what this story is about. It's a big mystery at the moment and that's great. I'm finding too many stories on here that just jump straight into the plot and that annoys me.

But keep up the good work seriously. You both are great writers.

The layout was nice to look at, but the banner was a bit distracting at first.

I love the flow to this whole thing, and your characterization. I adore Alice and the way you wrote the whole situation. It's very unique. The doctors seem to know something about Wonderland. I'm curious as to what it is and what Madalyn will find.

Great job with this. :)

Holy cow subscribing for sure. This is too amazing really. I saw no mistakes and like its been said your story flowed perfectly. I just love alice in wonderland and this story!. Update soon pleasee

Oh my! *subscribes* This is amazing! I really love how you've already pulled me into NEEDING to read this story, and it's only been one chapter!

To start off, I love the first paragraph especially. I love how, just by knowing that she wants dyed black hair, I can already begin to understand her character. This was a fantastic way to start off the story.

The layout is awesome, even if the gif is a little distracting. The edgy-ness of it might have to do with some foreshadowing of a darker Wonderland, yeah? Maybe? Haha or maybe I'm going crazy.

This is really good, and I can't wait for you to update!

I really like this. I'm a fan of Alice and Wonderland. I like the idea of how you put Alice in a Asylum. Its different and I love that. This is my fice Alice fic and I'm really glad I read it.

Your summary was short but also really good. It left me wanting to read the story. I also like your banner.

This is a good story and I can tell its going to be really good :)

I think this is cool I love stories that have quests =] and i also like how you portrayed the facility cause that's kinda plain and simple how it really is and how the people can be.

It's too soon to say much else but I think this one is going to be a gem I feel like the story line is going to be strong.

OMG I LOVE THIS
The gif at the top was kind of distracting. I almost immediately scrolled down because it was playing tricks on my eyes. It's an uncomforatble feeling.

I'm kind of alarmed how you put Alice in an asylum, but it adds to the story. I wonder what kind of story this'll be? It has promise.
I didn't see any errors, and it flowed really well. I do absolutely love the story of Alice in Wonderland, and I'm excited to see where it goes. Your description worked well, and I really got the sense of impatience that the character was experiencing while waiting to visit Alice.
Reminds me of the Urgent Care in my town. _~_

Good job! I must see what happens next. =3

This is amazing, utterly amazing. I can't believe how well you wrote this. I saw absolutely no mistakes or anything. I really love Alice, how you've portrayed her as a crazy person, it's amazing. I really like that the doctors are so...evil in a way. Well, I guess not in a way, they really are evil huh? I'm super excited for this and am definitely subscribing. Can't wait to read more :D