The Lotus Theatre - Comments

Here from the comment swap:)

I like your characters, especially Lotus. A lot of people find it difficult to write characters with such prominent flaws and aren't the sterotypical female lead. The mystery surrounding her back story is nice, what happened to her family, why does she live the way she does, why does she act the way she does, it keeps the reader interested and makes them continue to read. Too many questions are bad for a story, a reader gets bored when they aren't rewarded with answers but you've engulfed Lotus in the right level of mystery.

There is a nice balance of description and talking, it feels natural and fluid. The descriptions themselves are also very well done, I enjoyed reading this. Well done:)

C.S.
Feedback before I started reading: Very nice lay-out, simple and easy reading. I really like that and I hadn't read a single letter when I noticed it.

I did like the story a lot too! I love part with meeting the 'old hag'. Your writing is fantastic and I hope you keep it up like you have. I'm impressed.

(oops) I found this through the comment swap but I'm so glad I did... The mystery behind Lotus' character really makes the story interesting, her character is so interesting. I can't wait to find out more!

(oops) I found this through the comment swap but I'm so glad I did... The mystery behind Lotus' character really makes the story interesting, her character is so interesting. I can't wait to find out more!

I found this through the comment swap but I'm so glad I did... The mystery behind Lotus' character really makes the story interesting, her character is so interesting and

~comment swap~
I really enjoyed the story. You have very realistic characters. i lotus personality. You a number of grammar mistakes but they do not take away from the quality if the story. I really look forward to reading more. Please update again soon. ~subscribed and recommended

~Comment Swap~
The story is great, everything is well planned and the charchters well described.
I adore the mystery that you have created within the story and how we, the readers cant atlast guess what will happend next.
I love the way you have created Lotus, she is hard to understand and to understand her moves.
She has a character of a Queen, the spirit of a fighter and the looks of an innocent lady, well ,thats how I see it.
I love that you made the story so captivating, I can't wait to read more.
Anyway,your story deserves to have as many readers as possible,you have a great piece of work,keep up the good job.
~M. Loan~

It's a pretty good story and there is good imagery in the writing, but I just fear this will turn into a very cliche love story. Otherwise it's brilliant!

Hi there! I comment as I read, so it should be pretty much in order, haha. I'm also super lengthy, sorry!

I like the name Lotus! And an interesting opening to this! Sets the tone immediately.

"I give it to you for twenty dollars[.]" >> Whenever you have dialogue, the quote HAS to end with punctuation. In this case, it would be a period, since it has no dialogue tag (he said, she said, etc).

"Do yourself a favor, and buy some new clothes[,] you pathetic old hag[.]" >> Alright, so the first thing that needs to be tweaked is the comma. When you address a character, they have a comma to section off their name. EX: "Hey[,] Lotus." The same goes for when you're just addressing them in a different way, like "you pathetic old hag." The second bit, is what I mentioned before. The quote has to end in a period.

She, always seen as a person to avoid, even as a child.>> The way you wrote this doesn't quite make sense - if you take the middle bit out ("always seen as a person to avoid"), then the sentence doesn't say anything "she even as a child." I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say, but I think you can write it as, She was always seen as the person to avoid, even as a child.

I love how you describe Lotus - how she literally parts a crowd of people, how she has a cold "mask." She's already and interesting character.

"Names have power" is a great line, it's so true. Ah, so I like that Lotus isn't her real name.

Your descriptions are also fantastic. The description with the cloak, the rocks underneath her feet are all very vivid, well worded descriptions.

The play did not do anything for her, despite the fact that almost every[one] in the theatre was weeping when the play finished. >> Everyone is one word.

I'm super curious about her past and her whole "no feeling, no name," deal. Sounds like it's going to be interesting!

Here's a link for some of the dialogue things I mentioned earlier. It's the only flaw (if I can even call it that - it's such an easy fix) that you have in your writing.

Ooh, a boy. That'll make her feel, huh?

What an interesting first chapter! At first, I was a little meh with Lotus' character, but as the story went on, I really liked the coldness - she'll be a great character to transform.

The writing was pretty great, too - the descriptions were all written very well. You did a great job writing the tone and creating a setting. From the very beginning, you developed underpinned the feeling and just developed it throughout the whole first chapter.

I really enjoyed this and I'll be flipping through the rest of it! Great job!

xxx Bee

Comment Swap :)
This was a very amazing story to read! The imagery is spectacular, I can perfectly imagine what's going on, and I love to experience that while I'm reading, and it doesn't happen too often, which is really disappointing. Thumbs up on the imagery!
And her name. I just love it! It sounds so different to me. The stories I usually read have simple names that are often used like Emily, or Melinda, or Aleisha, and it kind of confuses me sometimes, if you get what I mean :) Lotus. Again, a beautiful, unique name!
Once again, this story is perfect in my eyes! Keep up the great work! <3

I like this idea, and that Lotus seems like the independent, not-going-to-deal-with-your-crap kinda gal. What she says is so true, in some ways. That for someone to know your names means they know you. She's well-gaurded, but maybe there could be someone to change that? Idk, but beside a few grammatical errors, such as missing commas and such and such, this was a good read. :)

Comment swap :)
I really love the way that you write. I can feel the emotions described and visualize everything. Lotus is an extremely unique name and I certainly haven't head it before used as someone's name. I feel bad for her, I can only imagine what everything feels like to her, even though she doesn't know how to feel. I definitely want to read more, for sure. :)

I love your idea, and I think you're taking this in a good direction. You've got enough suspense to hold me in. I'm genuinely interested in learning her history and the history of the world you've created. You're good at descriptions and showing instead of just telling, and that makes it easier for me to picture what's happening. I also love that you have a good diversity of characters and you pass the Bechdel test in the first paragraph.
There are a few grammar mistakes, missing commas and such, that would make this easier to read. Also be careful when typing in accents because having a bunch of apostrophes to wade through can get frustrating. I also found the transitions between scenes a little weird because it happened so quickly, such as when you switch to Crispin's view or when Lotus is having her dream. Either a different font style or a break of some sort would clean that up nicely.
All in all, I'm happy I got a piece of this quality from the comment swap. Good work, and I wish you well.

I love your idea, and I think you're taking this in a good direction. You've got enough suspense to hold me in. I'm genuinely interested in learning her history and the history of the world you've created. You're good at descriptions and showing instead of just telling, and that makes it easier for me to picture what's happening. I also love that you have a good diversity of characters and you pass the Bechdel test in the first paragraph.
There are a few grammar mistakes, missing commas and such, that would make this easier to read. Also be careful when typing in accents because having a bunch of apostrophes to wade through can get frustrating. I also found the transitions between scenes a little weird because it happened so quickly, such as when you switch to Crispin's view or when Lotus is having her dream. Either a different font style or a break of some sort would clean that up nicely.
All in all, I'm happy I got a piece of this quality from the comment swap. Good work, and I wish you well.

I love your idea, and I think you're taking this in a good direction. You've got enough suspense to hold me in. I'm genuinely interested in learning her history and the history of the world you've created. You're good at descriptions and showing instead of just telling, and that makes it easier for me to picture what's happening. I also love that you have a good diversity of characters and you pass the Bechdel test in the first paragraph.
There are a few grammar mistakes, missing commas and such, that would make this easier to read. Also be careful when typing in accents because having a bunch of apostrophes to wade through can get frustrating. I also found the transitions between scenes a little weird because it happened so quickly, such as when you switch to Crispin's view or when Lotus is having her dream. Either a different font style or a break of some sort would clean that up nicely.
All in all, I'm happy I got a piece of this quality from the comment swap. Good work, and I wish you well.

Comment swap :)
i love the mystery you create at the start regarding the main character it seems as though there may be may layers to her personality to discover as i read on, it really drew my attention. The idea is very original and interesting story, the details and descriptions are really great. I didn't notice any grammar or spelling mistakes (though i wouldn't notice anyway). your writings really great, good work keep it up :)

Via Comment swap.
So, I enjoy your writing the way you make things quick between people is cool. I definitely love your layout because it is very minimalist. But honestly, the first chapter didn't draw me in much. But the mystery of this character did. You don't have to keep saying people feared her, just show people didn't go near her, ya know?

I think it is a really really original idea though, kudos to you.

Oh the beginming was so sad lotus was so mean to the poor lady! She acted like she was scum when in reality she was just a poor lady, but In a wa y I feel bad for lotys becuase she is such a cold hearted peorson. Why did lotus give the lady that much moneh and treat her so rudley if she was in the same position as her? It jusy doesnt make thag much sence fo me. But I guess yo other people it might. Amd sorry for anyspelling mistakes I may have made Iin this comment I amon a tablet amd Iit is extremley hard to type

@ Caebeeb
Thank you! I was wondering why your name seemed familiar and then I realised I had commented on your story Creatures for comment swap! Haha

For comment swap:
Very interesting story. I have to say, you are a fine writer! Lotus is a peculiar name; very unique. I like the complexities of the main character. It is an overall good and interesting story. I hope you write more! Keep it up.