Going Through The Motions - Comments

I’m here as the new judge for the ‘10 Ways To…’ contest.

I don’t read A7X because it’s not really my thing, but I ended up really enjoying this story. You didn’t treat them like band members but rather original characters in your own situation. You introduced Brian and Zack to me like they were your own rather than assuming that anyone that read the story would just know them. You created a really beautiful and realistic dichotomy with them, as well. They were polar opposites but they worked.

It was heartbreaking when they were separated because it broke both of the boys. That distance between them made them realize the depth of their feelings for each other, but it was with so much sadness and anger—both at the world and kind of with each other. I was so damn sad during the phone call when they finally fessed up because it escalated so quickly and Zach had every right to call Brian out. Brian is definitely dealing with some internalized homophobia, which makes it all that much more painful because Zack already knew. I actually like how you confronted both internalized and casual homophobia, especially amongst teenage boys. You addressed that it’s problematic, even if Brian didn’t have feelings for Zack, and not a lot of authors do that so it was really nice. I liked it a lot.

I hate that they’re basically becoming each other, though. The way Brian was isn’t for Zack and the recluse life isn’t meant for Brian, but they’re both so lost without each other. Their coping mechanisms are SO BAD.

Your writing style is so pleasant too. It’s simple, not over the top, but it’s delivered pointedly. It added humor and soft emotions at the right points, but it also added weight to the moments like when they broke into the house and when Brian started befriending people out of spite. You do need to break up your lines, though. Because you can’t indent on Mibba, it clumps everything together and makes it hard to read so there should be a line break in between each new paragraph—including dialogue and single sentences. It’ll be easier on the eyes and not so disorienting.

There was also one thing that confused me for a moment. In chapter four, you started talking about the friends that Brian made, but your transition from talking about Jorel and Dylan to Jordan was confusing. It wasn’t until I reread it just now that I realized you might not have meant Jorel and Jordan were the same character, which I did think at first. It was definitely a clumsy shift from introducing one character to another, so maybe you can reword it to be a little smoother and not so unclear?

Other than that, this was a really well-written story and I’m actually sad you haven’t finished it! I definitely feel like Brian has intentions of going back to Huntington Beach, ahem.

Love this!! And love you!! <3

Oh shit o.o I didn't realize it was an Avenged story until I read the firs few lines. I love it; since I'm a fan-girl of Avenged and Brian <3 this is good, this is very good. I hope you decide to keep going, and update soon pleaseth.

I hope you update soooooooon!!!!! We need to find out what happens!! :D I love this story, i really do hope you update soon! :)

this is quite good so far!!
*subscribes*

They can't separate them! D= That's just cruel! Especially given that Brian was the one who got Zacky to open up, and it was Brian's idea in the first place! Bleh!

The first chapter was so freakin' cute, I couldn't stop giggling. =P

xoxo
HJ.