Falling - Comments

  • n. josten

    n. josten (1270)

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    I’m here as the new judge for the ‘10 Ways To…’ contest.

    I liked the overall message of this story. It was a story of self-discovery after getting a second chance. I understood and sympathized with Dylan. She was at rock bottom and felt like suicide was the only option, especially considering her relationships with her “loved” ones. The more you went into each individual relationship, the more I understood how she felt helpless and completely alone. I understood what drove her to do it, but to also watch her recover from it and find her own two feet was fantastic. I appreciated that despite her sadness, she didn’t really want to die anymore by chapter twenty-one. It was realistic that the thought of her father would ground her.

    Her entire rollercoaster of a relationship with Chris stressed me out—and I wasn’t even surprised when he hit her, sadly. I was more so surprised it had taken him that long to do it, which is such an awful thing to think, but you built this character really well. I knew that he had it in him because he was a cold, vindictive, and abusive person. Just like I knew that Dylan was a vulnerable yet strong woman with how she detached herself from the toxic people around her. And I also liked how Aiden started out as a distraction and an escape and became more over time.

    I liked Aiden as a character, too. He’s patient and really sweet and caring, despite Dylan kind of accidentally tugging him around in her struggles. I also really enjoyed Maddie. I was expecting her to be more like their mother, but she ended up being there for her little sister and being supportive, even when she didn’t completely think it was a good idea at times. It created a good and healthy sisterly bond in the whirlwind of everything else for Dylan.

    The one thing that made it hard for me to completely connect with the story was the pacing and choppiness of the overall prose. Your transitions feel clumsy and are confusing at points, to the point where I had to reread a couple of times to understand what was happening. Sometimes your details also don’t match up. There was a point in chapter four where Dr. Johannson said that Dylan was nineteen and then every other time her age was mentioned, she was twenty-one. Then in chapter six, Aiden repeats himself and it seems so out of place. He says the exact same thing (“I've read it twice before, the subject fascinates me. Just return it when you're done.”) back to back, which makes me think that you were rewriting something and forgot to erase this. Another example is that I also feel like you added Aiden having tattoos randomly because Dylan had seen him shirtless in the light before chapter twenty-three. It seems like such a little thing, but sometimes the littlest stand out the most.

    There were also a few times where you got your/you’re and they’re/their mixed up. Remember that ‘your’ is possessive and ‘you’re’ is a contraction for ‘you are’. ‘Their’ is also possessive whilst ‘they’re’ in a contradiction of ‘they are’.

    You also need to line break your content. Because you can’t indent on Mibba, it gets overwhelming and confusing to have everything all mashed together in one giant wall of text. It was kind of distracting because if I happened to glance away for any reason, I would have to skim back to find my place.

    Other than that, I think this story has a lot of potential to be something really great. Dramatic, angsty, romantic and definitely full of some soul searching. Good job!
    July 3rd, 2017 at 01:03am
  • fearless-forever

    fearless-forever (100)

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    oh my gosh!!!!!!! Now she HAS to tell him!
    May 3rd, 2012 at 12:59am
  • fearless-forever

    fearless-forever (100)

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    Beautiful... *sniff* :')
    April 30th, 2012 at 02:49am
  • fearless-forever

    fearless-forever (100)

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    I love it so much! I hope that her and Aiden together can teach her how to fly, she needs it. She would be a breathtaking butterfly
    April 1st, 2012 at 10:48pm
  • deariloveyou

    deariloveyou (100)

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    aww, that last line <3 i love it, so glad she's getting better!
    aiden's so sweet, they're just so cute together. sleeping over 2 nights in a row, that says something ;3 haha
    thanks for updating this, can't wait to read more! update soon please ^-^
    March 28th, 2012 at 03:23am
  • rainy_day_girl

    rainy_day_girl (100)

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    This chapter brought tears to my eyes. I'm so glad she went to talk to Aiden. :D
    February 29th, 2012 at 03:53am
  • deariloveyou

    deariloveyou (100)

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    Love it, so glad you updated!
    At the end, it didn't seem to quite make sense. Aiden says, "I'll be okay" ? Or does Dylan say that, or he says "You'll be okay." Haha sorry, that just kinda stuck to me because I think Dylan's the one that's kinda breaking a little in the previous chapter. That's why she came to Aiden's right?
    Thanks for updating, can't wait to read more :3
    February 29th, 2012 at 01:59am
  • rainy_day_girl

    rainy_day_girl (100)

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    So good!! I agree with Deariloveyou. That was one of my favorite parts as well. Keep up the AMAZING work :)
    February 17th, 2012 at 04:33pm
  • deariloveyou

    deariloveyou (100)

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    I love how you wrote the last chapter, especially when you said "Then I jumped." I was so scared that she just hopped off, but kept imaging a mattress truck would drive by and she'd be safe :3 god I need to stop watching Phineas and Ferb >.>
    I love this story! <3
    Thanks for updating, can't wait for more chapters!
    February 17th, 2012 at 04:02am
  • rainy_day_girl

    rainy_day_girl (100)

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    I haven't read in a while.. I feel kinda bad about it. But I love the plot and how suspenseful it is! I can't wait to find out what he had replied.
    February 9th, 2012 at 05:08am
  • deariloveyou

    deariloveyou (100)

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    :O i wonder what Aiden replied. update quickly!
    February 8th, 2012 at 03:46am
  • rainy_day_girl

    rainy_day_girl (100)

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    Oh wow, I just read chapter 18. Heavy stuff in there, and with that last comment, Dylan just kicked open this divorce in her favor majorly! ^-^
    January 30th, 2012 at 12:15pm
  • deariloveyou

    deariloveyou (100)

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    Chris you gon lose boy ;) thanks for updating, i always looks forward to that notification email saying that this was updated ;3
    January 30th, 2012 at 03:52am
  • deariloveyou

    deariloveyou (100)

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    Oh my god >.< WHO FUCKING DOES THAT, CHANGE THE LOCKS AND ORDER YOUR WIFE TO BE ARRESTED BASTARD. *coughcough* Please excuse my language, but I still fucking love your story :) Can't wait for more soon <3
    January 27th, 2012 at 06:09am
  • rainy_day_girl

    rainy_day_girl (100)

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    Shit just got real. Though I am really glad she is finally getting a backbone and sticking up for herself! :D
    January 24th, 2012 at 02:11am
  • rainy_day_girl

    rainy_day_girl (100)

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    I'm so happy they kissed! But does this mean that Aiden and Dylan are done? I sure hope not.
    January 22nd, 2012 at 05:24am
  • rainy_day_girl

    rainy_day_girl (100)

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    YES!!!! *insert epic slide across the floor on your knees .gif here* Ohh they are about to kiss! If something interrupts them in the next chapter I will forever hate Chris even more. because we all know it would be him.
    January 21st, 2012 at 04:12am
  • Zowie Stardust

    Zowie Stardust (100)

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    ^^ I know me too :D
    January 20th, 2012 at 02:59am
  • rainy_day_girl

    rainy_day_girl (100)

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    I started jumping up and down when I read the last chapter. I am so glad she's getting rid of the asshole husband!! :DD YAY!!
    January 20th, 2012 at 02:47am
  • rainy_day_girl

    rainy_day_girl (100)

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    When Chris and Dylan got into an argument I got a little excited hoping she would get the nerve to tell him she wanted a divorce... but that didn't happen.. though I hope it will! :)
    January 19th, 2012 at 04:54am